How Can Six Protective Factors Help Prevent Abuse?

Kimberly Perry • June 15, 2019

Knowing what to do can make a difference!

What's Your Story?

Have you ever written out your personal life timeline highlighting milestones to see what kind of picture it paints?I imagine many of us have tremendous gratitude for the wonderful experiences mixed with challenges and sobering disappointments.This reflection exercise can be beneficial to help us understand our own upbringing in light of raising the next generation. What's healthy or unhealthy? What needs to change?What is my new approach?So often, we have an innate desire for the next generation to do better than ourselves - but how? What do we keep, start, stop or continue as parents, caregivers and professionals working with kids?

Melanie, a professional social worker in Washington DC and mom of a six year old son, has decided to start something new for the kids she works with as well as her own son a by reading a Say "NO!" and TELL! book with them. Watch her 2 min testimony as she takes one small, easy step by reading this book with kids and see how the ripple effect can have tremendous impact!

In the era of #MeToo, the dramatic rise of child and human trafficking, as well as the prevalent abuse of kids inside and outside the home, the desire among us to help the next generation is strong. One thing I believe we need to start doing is share the prevention message of boundaries and personal safety for kids to help prevent child sexual abuse with an empowering approach; not fear-based. So many kids and families are counting on us to love them in this way as we help protect the next generation together.

Have you heard of the The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Pyramid study?Have you answered the 10 ACE questions for your own life?This study reveals the vital importance of sharing the prevention message as well! In 2018, I attended the Resilience Screening , which outlines the research of a dangerous biological syndrome when toxic stress throughout childhood can trigger hormones that harms the body and development of children. This ongoing stress increases the risks for a myriad of problematic health and life issues.

The original ACE Pyramid Study was conducted at Kaiser Permanente from 1995 to 1997 with over 17,000 participants who received physical exams and completed confidential surveys regarding their childhood experiences with current health status and behaviors.

Female participants:

13% emotional abuse

27% physical abuse

24.7% sexual abuse

Male participants:

7.6% emotional abuse

29.9% physical abuse

16% sexual abuse

The ACE Study findings suggest that ACEs are strongly related to development of risk factors for disease and well-being throughout one’s life. Childhood experiences, both positive and negative, have a tremendous impact on future violence, victimization and perpetration, and lifelong health and opportunity. In fact, early experiences can be viewed as an important public health issue. Adverse childhood experiences have been linked to risky health behaviors, chronic health conditions, low life potential, and early death. As the number of ACEs increases, so does the risk for these outcomes. There are risks and protective factors for both victimization and perpetration. Check out the ten ACE questions here:

Prior to your 18th birthday:

1.Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?

2.Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?

3.Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever… Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? or Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?

4.Did you often or very often feel that … No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? or Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?

5.Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?

6.Were your parents ever separated or divorced?

7.Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or Ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?

8.Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs?

9.Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?

10.Did a household member go to prison?


Practical Ways to I Implement the Six Protective Factors!

Knowing what to do, can make a difference! When it comes to family management, it is important to increase the protective factors in raising kids and decrease the risk factors, which helps minimize risky behaviors and builds strong communities. According to the CDC, protective factors may lessen the likelihood of children being abused or neglected.

According to Childwelfare.gov , they highlight six protective factors for healthy family management as they focus on Strong and Thriving Families .

·Nurturing and Attachment

·Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development

·Parental Resilience

·Concrete Support for Families

·Social Connections

·Social and Emotional Competence of Children


Nurturing and Attachment

It’s the little things that can make a real difference for kids – a smile, a hug, or an affirmation. Each day, children need meaningful eye to eye conversations with a parent by slowing down and looking them in the eyes plus listening and responding with love. Actually, there are 9 minutes during the day that have the greatest impact on a child: the first 3 minutes right after they wake up, the 3 minutes after they come home from school and the last 3 minutes before they go to sleep. Hug your child, straighten her hair, pat him on the back and say you are proud of him every day. A simple touch makes kids feel connected to a parent in ways that words never will. Actions speak louder than words! This relational-level protective factor includes a consistent relationship with caring adults which helps infant brains develop best and children’s bodies produce the right amount of growth hormones.


Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development

When parents understand childhood stages of development, the new milestones can be celebrated! Knowledge is empowering. Learning the stages of development for toddlers and children can lessen parent’s anger and frustration because of unrealistic expectations or seeing their behavior as negative. As a seasoned teacher of 15 years, the highly effective method I implemented for behavior management was Love and Logic . After teaching over a few thousand kids ranging from Pre-K to 5th grade, I requested behavioral assistance of administrators on several occasions – that’s it! This proven method of empowering kids to make their own choices and live with the natural consequences, both negative and positive was tried and true.


Parental Resilience

Proper self-care for parents is vital. Self-care for a parent could be seeing a family counselor to heal and learn better or new ways of living. When we take the time and make the effort to seek out our own healing, we inevitably can help the next generation heal too! For example, my mom was a pastoral counselor for about 20 years. She worked with over a 1000 people seeking to grow and heal through counseling since they were “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” One of the most important revelations she realized for herself and others was that an unrealistic expectation is premeditated resentment. This can be costly in relationships because at the root can exist anger, disappointment, lack of self-worth or blame, shame and loneliness at times. Healing those parts can be life-changing. When I asked her “what were the three main patterns you noticed of why people came to see you for counseling?” she named problems with marriage, kids or career. The marriage problems revolved around finances, lack of communication and dis-connection (e.g. emotional abuse or neglect), and unrealistic expectations. For example, a wife trying to get her needs met from her husband in ways that her mom and dad did not meet growing up. The issues with raising kids often stemmed from blindness to the parents' own unhealthy ways because of growing up with various dysfunctions, such as expecting kids to act as an adult resulting in frustration, anger and rage in parenting. The career challenges often came from not knowing “who you are” and trying to get one’s identity, emotional needs and affirmations met from work life rather than beginning with a sense of greater purpose and well-being founded by faith and relationship with a loving God. When we take care of our own emotional needs by healing from our past, we can have a better future.


Concrete Support for Families

Being resourceful can go a long way. Understanding how to navigate the information age and find helpful resources through books, workshops and support groups can be lifesavers. I am the author of three Say NO! and TELL! books teaching boundaries and personal safety for kids to help prevent child sexual abuse. The children’s books and parent/professional training workbook teach grown-ups the three-phase approach©:

Phase I - Teach kids general wellness with health and safety tips (e.g. nutrition and traffic or fire safety).

Phase II - Explain unique safety concepts such as boundaries and people safety.

Phase III – Introduce personal safety to prevent child sexual abuse.

All three books are toolkits with various sections full of strategies and content with concrete action steps so you can customize everything to your needs as a parent or professional working with kids.


Social Connections

Developing a network of emotionally supportive friends and family is a way to model emotional health for children. Choosing safe and trustworthy people in your community and network can show children that they have a choice when making friends. Positive social interactions benefit the whole family, especially when going through a challenging time such as moving, divorce or other risk factors.


Social and Emotional Competence of Children

Have you learned how to speak your child’s love language yet? Often, we love others the way we want to be loved, which may not fit what each family member or friend needs or perceives as love. One resource I recommend is the 5 love Languages of Children , by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, MD.

Let's Help Write the Next Generation's Stories by Sharing a Prevention Legacy

The wide-ranging health and social consequences of risk factors and ACEs demonstrate the importance of preventing them before they happen with protective factors. Will you join us in growing the prevention movement by sharing a "Say 'NO!' and TELL!" book with a family or kids’ organization to help prevent child sexual abuse? A next easy step is to get your FREE download of the Personal Safety Family Plan! Let's help write the stories of the next generation in positive ways by empowering them with prevention tools today!The kids and families of the future generations to come will thank you!

Navigating Conversations with Teens about Emotions, Sexuality and Safety

By Kimberly Perry • September 6, 2024
Feeling puzzled about starting these healthy conversations with teens?

Because of many of you I am heading to Washington DC!

By Kimberly Perry • July 27, 2024
Say "NO!" and TELL! books go to capital of USA!

A Refresh on Boundaries for All Ages Today

By Kimberly Perry • May 10, 2024
Has Someone Crossed the Line? Have you crossed someone's boundaries? Clarifying and maintaining boundaries is a lifelong practice and skill for all ages, especially today in our tech world. My friend Barb Winters has written a thought-provoking guest blog so we can "let it begin with me" by reflecting on our own boundaries day to day. Plus she relates boundaries in a relevant way to our culture by connecting to tech and our youth. A Refresh on Boundaries for All Ages Today In a world of child sexual abuse material (CSAM), pornography, hookup culture, and predators, understanding why boundaries are important is paramount. The following is an excerpt from Barb Winters’ book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships . I ruffled my son’s hair. “Good job.” He had finished his science project and was walking it to the living room to show his dad. “You messed up my hair.” He appeared less than thrilled. “But it’s so soft,” I said playfully. “Mom, stop. I don’t like when you get in my space.” I paused. I guess he was growing up and no longer appreciated his mommy touching him without permission. “Sorry. I’ll try to be more respectful.” I can’t boast that I’ve always heard my children’s requests or taken them seriously. I also can’t promise I never ruffled my son’s hair again—I may have slipped once or twice. But as I mature, I’m learning to listen to others when they attempt to communicate their boundaries. Teaching Teens When teaching preteens and teens at local schools, we emphasize the importance of setting and communicating boundaries. A healthy person institutes boundaries. Healthy relationships incorporate boundaries. A boundary is a limit. It’s a border, an invisible line drawn to express parameters—what we deem as acceptable and unacceptable in various areas of life. Think of a fence or lines on a road. The lines mark the area where it’s safe to drive. If we veer over the line, we’re in danger of hitting an oncoming car or going into a ditch. I like boundaries. I find them comforting. Not everyone appreciates limitations and rules, but I feel safer knowing them and staying within their confines. I’d much rather my son tell me not to touch his hair, even though this signal that he was growing up saddened me, than for him to resent me because I crossed a boundary I didn’t know existed. Our goal as caregivers is to help our children (1) comprehend why they need boundaries (2) recognize which areas of life need boundaries (3) set their boundaries (4) communicate their boundaries to others Boundaries protect us. Many people rebel against rules and regulations. Society conditions us to resist guidelines and directives, as if those “other people” are trying to control, manipulate, and reign over us. Hormonal teens, trying to find their place in the world and testing their limits, can adopt this stance. Our objective is to turn this thinking around so they view boundaries as friendly and an essential component of life. When I tell teens we turn off the Wi-Fi every night at 11:00 p.m. in our household, they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind and ruined my children for life. But I purposefully mention this line to reveal this fact: because I love my children, I want to safeguard them. My job is to protect them from predators and help them resist temptation late at night. I am relieving them of the burden of saying no to pornography, late-night gaming, and social media drama—and improving their ability to say yes to a good night’s sleep and a well-rested body. A Universal Human Need for Boundaries Boundaries are necessary in multiple areas of life. We set our alarms. We create budgets. We watch our caloric intake. We limit our interactions with people who push our buttons. And we obey traffic signals. These are all boundaries—ones we’ve set for ourselves and ones established by others. To some extent, these lines exist in all areas of life, but let’s look at some specific areas that benefit relationships. We want the next generation to set these boundaries as soon as possible, before it’s necessary to exercise them. In the physical area, within a romantic relationship, help your children establish how far they will go sexually before marriage. Discuss the options, lay out the benefits of waiting for intercourse, read Scripture, and pray with them. Walk them through the stages of physical intimacy, including holding hands, kissing, and other sexual activity leading up to intercourse, being as explicit as possible for their age. Help them choose their line, their stopping point, but allow them to make the choice. When comfortable, tell personal stories—your choices and the benefits and/or consequences to your decisions. Offer advice if they ask, but don’t decide for them. Preteens and teens are more apt to adhere to limits, to say no when pressured, if they set their boundaries themselves. Determine boundaries around screen time and social media. Get their buy-in by asking for their input and listening to their reasoning. Ask their opinion about consequences when needed. The parameters established in your home depend on your children’s ages, maturity level, and history. Some children are more vulnerable than others. Some have a more addictive nature than others. As they mature, adapt the guidelines. Hopefully, as adults, they will continue to place limits on their screen time. Understanding Boundary Violations Additionally, help your children decipher acceptable and unacceptable behaviors within friendships, partnerships, and family. Do your children like teasing? How close is too close? Do others listen to their ideas? Do they have the freedom to make decisions within relationships, or do others always demand their way? Are they confident enough to interact with other people responsibly? Do they encounter abusive behavior? Are they treated with respect and kindness? Do others pressure them when they say no? Are they looking for red flags? Do your children know when someone crosses a line? How will they respond? We want the next generation to regard these borders as positive and protective so, as they mature into adulthood, they continue to set them and say no to people who push for more. After they’ve determined their boundaries, help your children communicate those boundaries. . . . Voicing boundaries is important. The sooner we empower our children to set and communicate boundaries, the better equipped they will be for the future. Teach them to state their limitations in a kind manner and say “no” when the lines are ignored. If someone continuously pushes their limits, they may need to change the approach to the relationship. It’s reasonable to set our own boundaries and adhere to others’ limits. Acknowledging and appreciating others’ boundaries is important. This give-and-take contributes to a healthy, mutually respectful relationship. Barb Winter's Biography: Barb Winters is the mom of a recovered pornography addict, certified Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist, and founder of Hopeful Mom: supporting parents in an online world , where she offers encouragement and practical advice to parents and leaders. As Lead Facilitator at E3 Family Solutions, Inc., Barb equips students to make healthy choices and empowers parents to aid their children. She’s a sought-after podcast and blogsite guest, published in numerous magazines, serves on anti-pornography committees, speaks at seminars, and advocates for human trafficking awareness. Barb's book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships , released August 8, 2023. She and her husband reside in Florida, near two of their four children. Connect with Barb at HopefulMom.net.

Nurture Your Children Toward Healthier Choices 

By Kimberly Perry • December 13, 2023
How does body safety and choosing healthy foods with kids connect? Well, we can practice decision-making, wellness, self-care affirmative feedback and positive body image as it relates to food to name a few, which can lay the foundation for teaching body safety. Because, when we consider our personal nutrition and relationship with food, we connect to our bodies. Supporting children in growing healthy self- images with nutrition, as an example, teaches them self-care - they learn their hearts, minds and bodies are worth it! Plus, I like to strengthen the WeStandGuard.com content with a variety of other supportive topics beyond body safety, yet so closely related such as self-care. Check out guest blog by Anya Willis @ Fitkids.info Nurture Your Children Toward Healthier Choices Navigating the myriad of lifestyle choices in today's world can be overwhelming, particularly for children. Thus, it's crucial for parents to step in and guide their youngsters toward making healthier decisions. While it’s not always easy, there are several things you can do to make the process fun for your little ones. This article offers a comprehensive set of advice and resources that can assist parents in instilling healthy habits in their children. Let's get started. Involving Kids in Decision-Making Involving children in meal planning and grocery shopping can greatly enhance their interest in healthier eating. Giving them a voice in food choices fosters a sense of ownership and encourages them to be open to nutritional options. One effective method is to collaboratively create a shopping list, or you might allow them to help you cook dinner . Another strategy is to allow them to pick out a new fruit or vegetable each week as a way to diversify their palate. These practices not only make children more receptive to healthy foods but also provide valuable learning experiences. Incorporate Nutritious Foods Mealtime offers a prime opportunity to enrich a child's diet with nutritious ingredients. Innovative approaches, like blending vegetables into smoothies or adding them to homemade muffins, can make the transition to healthy eating more enjoyable. The goal is to seamlessly weave nutrition into familiar foods , making it less of a chore for children to eat healthily. This creative incorporation aids in acclimating children to better eating practices without compromising on taste. Encourage Regular Physical Exercise Physical activity is vital for a child’s overall well-being. Family walks can be a fun and practical way to instill the habit of regular exercise. Moreover, if your neighborhood isn't pedestrian-friendly, look for an area with a high Walk Score of 70 or above to get your daily steps in. Such areas are generally safer and more conducive to walking, making it easier for your family to maintain an active lifestyle. Foster a Positive Body Image Media exposure can strongly influence children's views on body image, frequently presenting unattainable standards. Initiating conversations with your children about these media portrayals can help debunk myths about ideal body types. The emphasis should shift from chasing unrealistic images to adopting a balanced, healthy lifestyle. This approach aids in cultivating a positive body image and a healthier self-perception in children. Ignite Their Interests Each child has distinct interests that can significantly impact their well-being when explored. Identifying an activity that aligns with your child's passions can imbue them with a sense of purpose. Participation in extracurricular activities, whether it's art, sports, or technology , can enhance their social skills and offer alternative avenues for physical or mental engagement. This focused involvement can be instrumental in promoting a balanced, fulfilling lifestyle for your child. Utilize Affirmative Feedback Positive feedback is crucial for children, as it often serves as motivation to continue making good choices. When coming from trusted adults, this affirmation can be especially impactful. Commending your child for making healthy choices, such as choosing fruit over candy or practicing a new skill, encourages better decision-making. This cycle of affirmation and improved behavior reinforces the importance of positive reinforcement in a child's development. Guiding children to make healthier choices is a long-term commitment that demands both patience and resourcefulness. However, by utilizing the practical tips and methods outlined above, you’re well on your way to setting them up for a future of wellbeing. Foster their interest in nutrition, encourage physical activities, engage them in dialogues about body image, help them find activities they love, and use affirmation as a powerful motivational tool. This balanced approach will enable you to lead your children down the path to a fulfilling, healthy life. Have a question for the team at We Stand Guard ? Reach out today.

How are Your Kids Safe in this Digital Age?

By Kimberly Perry • September 22, 2023
What about the problem of sexting leading to sextortion leading to sex trafficking progression? Possibly, much to chagrin of many people recently watching the Sound of Freedom movie, these very real risks do not only happen overseas or far flung parts of the Earth. Sadly, the USA runs rampant with these atrocities, often leading the way in the consumption of it all.

How to Master Life Transitions Through Wholesome Habits

By Kimberly Perry • September 5, 2023
What challenges or gaps are you facing as the kids are growing up, which brings change as they transition from childhood to tweeners and teenagers. In addition to last month's blog on A Look at Self-Care Activities for Kids , here is an interesting look at your own self-care, especially during transitions with kids growing up. In fact, I visited my triplet nephews this past Labor Day weekend and my brother and I were cracking up since their PJ bottoms were like crop pants - they have grown taller as they begin middle school! Surprise!!! As a follow up to last month, check out Anya Willis' Part 2 guest blog on self-care (see more at https://fitkids.info/ ). Life is a roller coaster of changes, from new jobs and relationships to relocations and even crises. As disorienting as these major life transitions can be, they also offer a unique opportunity to reboot your habits and improve your overall well-being. Today, we will provide you with strategies to embrace these transformations and convert life's challenges into stepping stones for a better you, Turning Anxiety into Calm It's natural for stress levels to peak during transitions. However, these moments provide a chance to develop effective stress-management strategies . Start with acknowledging the stressors. Once you identify them, use mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing or meditation, to mitigate their impact. Incorporating physical activity can also make a significant difference. Exercise releases endorphins, which naturally reduces stress. So, the next time you find yourself overwhelmed, remember to take a step back and focus on your well-being. Go Back to School Returning to school is one of the best ways to revitalize your life and open doors in terms of a future career. There are plenty of options out there, as well. For instance, if you’ve ever thought about pursuing an online bachelor's degree in nursing , now is the time. Online nurses are in high demand, and if you’re open to the flexibility that comes with internet-based learning platforms, you can work toward your degree on your own schedule, from the comfort of your own home. From Concept to Logo Major life transitions can also offer the ideal moment to venture into entrepreneurship. Begin with research. Understand your target market, potential challenges, and financial requirements. Once you have a comprehensive plan, move to the execution phase. When it comes to establishing a brand identity , create a memorable image using free online logo makers. These platforms offer an array of customizable designs to give your business a professional edge, and a well-designed logo can do wonders for brand recognition. Fostering Consistency Adjusting to a new chapter in life often requires a revamped routine. Consistency is the cornerstone of habit formation , and the best way to ensure this is by designing a daily routine that aligns with your newfound goals. This can be anything from a workout schedule to set times for personal and professional growth. Not only does this help in maintaining a balanced life, but it also solidifies the positive changes you aim to make. Legal and Financial Control through an LLC If you opt for the entrepreneurial route, forming an LLC ( limited liability company ) is crucial. This legal structure provides personal liability protection and offers several tax benefits. It signifies a critical step towards becoming your own boss, putting you in control of your business and, by extension, your destiny. Consider consulting professionals to help you navigate the complexities of forming an LLC. Balance Your Caffeine Intake For many, caffeine is a daily necessity. However, it's easy to go overboard, especially during stressful periods. If you must drink caffeine, take the time to learn more about the different coffee drinks available. Whether it's opting for a lighter roast or mixing in decaf, these choices can help you maintain energy levels without sacrificing sleep quality. Improve Your Social Circle Relationships play a crucial role during transitional phases. This is an ideal time to assess your social circle and make necessary adjustments. If certain relationships are toxic, it’s time to distance yourself. Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive individuals can significantly boost your emotional and psychological well-being. Repair Your Credit Transitions often have financial implications. Use this time to review your credit report and take steps to fix any inconsistencies or debts. By managing your finances effectively, you lessen stress and lay the foundation for a stable future. Goals with a Purpose: Mapping Your Journey Setting clearly defined goals that resonate with your core values is fundamental. They act as a roadmap, guiding you through challenges and keeping you centered. A detailed, step-by-step plan can greatly assist in achieving these goals, and the focus it brings can be an invaluable asset. The experience of undergoing a significant life transition can be exhilarating, daunting, and enriching all at once. Embracing these transitional phases with purposeful strategies can redefine challenges as opportunities for personal and professional growth. By applying the practices highlighted in this article, you're poised to emerge stronger, more empowered, and ready to seize future opportunities with aplomb.

A Look at Self-Care Activities for Kids

By Kimberly Perry • August 18, 2023
Self-care for everyone!

Are You or Your Kids Addicted to Technology?

By Kimberly Perry • July 22, 2023
Healthy tech habits for everyone!

Child Sexual Abuse includes Kids Seeing P*rnography

By Kimberly Perry • May 26, 2023
What ages are kids being exposed to porn? When to start talking about porn with kids. How to define porn for kids and why definitions are important. Practicing what to do (firedrill technique) How do we get their "buy in? How do we get kids to want to make the right choices? Healthy Screen Habit

Is Preventing the Nightmare of Child Trafficking Possible? 

By Kimberly Perry • May 9, 2023
Preventing child trafficking is possible.
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