westandguard

Navigating Conversations with Teens about Emotions, Sexuality and Safety

Fri, 06 Sep 2024 19:20:03 GMT

Feeling puzzled about starting these healthy conversations with teens?

Parenting may be one of the most challenging and rewarding endeavors - hearing from a parenting specialist John Fort may help!

John is Director of Training, overseeing our Pure Life Academy online training platform as well as providing customized training for church and ministry leaders in the U.S. as well as overseas. He has many years of experience in sexual addiction recovery, both personally and professionally. John is the author or co-author of over ten books including Identity: What Foundation Are You Standing On? and Honest Talk: A new perspective on talking to your kids about sex.

John has two adult children and lives near Portland, Oregon with his wife, Anna.

Check out his guest blog:
Navigating Conversations with Teens about Emotions, Sexuality and Safety
By John Fort, Director of Training, Be Broken

As a Parenting Specialist at Be Broken Ministries I field calls from parents asking for help when their kids have become entangled in sexual brokenness. Sexual brokenness can come from the behavior of others, such as objectification or abuse, or from the child’s own behavior, such as pornography use or problematic sexual behaviors. In any of these cases the sexuality of the child has been harmed.

The most common call I get goes something like this, “I just discovered my 15-year-old has been using porn, but after talking with them more I learned they have been looking at it for at least three years! What do I do?” I can hear the panic in the parent’s voice. I sense the feeling of failure as the parent worries they did not do enough to protect their child. I feel the urgency and desperation in the parents tone.

I can relate as a parent. I have experienced times when my own children experienced brokenness and I feared it was my fault for not protecting them better. I have felt desperation when my child did something I thought they would never do. I have felt panic when my child was exposed to something harmful. If something like this has happened to you, you are not alone. This is a much more common situation than many parents realize.

When a parent comes to me today with one of these situations, I have learned to ask first, “How often do you talk with your child about feelings?” There are two reasons I start with this question:

1 - Emotions are the Training Ground

Talking about emotions is the training ground for talking with your child about anything related to sexuality. Talking about sex or sexuality is really, really personal. If you and your child do not have practice talking about personal things and then one day you bring up sexuality, your child will likely freeze up and not want to talk. It’s too big a step for a child to go from no personal conversation to the most personal conversation of all.

Talking about emotions is personal too, but not as personal as sexuality. When you talk with your child about how each of you are feeling each day you are both getting used to personal discussions. In this way, both you and your child are training for the more personal discussions around sex. In this way, elevating the conversation to sexuality is a smaller step that is easier for you and your child to take together.

When your child has had a crisis due to sexual brokenness they may not be ready to talk about it in detail. Talking about emotions is a better first step to get you both used to deeper conversations.

2-Lack of Emotional Resilience Leads to Sexual Brokenness

The most common way teenagers fall into sexual brokenness is when they have never learned how to deal with their emotions. When a child has not learned how to find healthy love, touch, affirmation, and acceptance they can become prey to false substitutes. Likewise, sexually stimulating behaviors like pornography use can become a child’s go-to method of dealing with feelings of loneliness, failure, and inadequacy.

The underlying problem in both these cases is an inability to deal with difficult feelings. To truly help such a child they must learn healthier ways to work through these difficult emotions. Otherwise they are unlikely to be able to escape sexual brokenness.

Step One

When I do work with a parent and learn that they have not done much in the way of talking about emotions I suggest they start with talking about feelings before addressing the sexual brokenness. While the brokenness may feel more urgent that does not mean it is best to address first.

For example, in the case of a teenager who had been looking at porn for three years, a couple more weeks of that behavior is not going to change much. It is more important to start talking about feelings first, before trying to address the pornography use. This will make the discussion about pornography easier and more effective when you get to it.

Stages of Emotional Development

Emotional resilience is what is needed for a child to heal from sexual brokenness but also to resist it. Here are some steps to take with a child to help them develop emotional resilience.

1. Vocabulary. Help your child learn more words to more clearly describe what they are feeling. Feelings Charts and a Feelings Wheel can help. These are available for free online, along with examples of how to use them.

2. Awareness. Begin a practice with the entire family sharing what each have been feeling during the week. This can happen as often as daily but at least once a week. If your child is shy, have them write feelings down in a journal they can share with you.

3. Resilience. Work with your child to find healthier ways to respond to feelings. Find a feeling they don’t usually react well to and brainstorm alternative responses that could be helpful. For example, if your child feels overwhelmed they can learn to step away and calm themselves down.

Few parents were ever taught any of what I just mentioned. I certainly was never taught any of this growing up. That means you will be learning emotional resilience along with your child. You should be learning more vocabulary. You should learn to be more aware of what you feel. You should come up with new plans to deal with feelings that are the most uncomfortable to you. Your child will be more likely to engage with these activities if you are doing the same.

Next Steps

Emotional resilience is important for your child to learn whether they have yet experienced any sexual brokenness or not. Working on emotions is both preventative and reparative. All families benefit from practicing these skills.

When my wife and I began helping our children expand their emotional vocabulary, practice emotional awareness, and teach emotional resilience every aspect of our family communication improved. There are many positive side effects of teaching these skills.

Which of the three steps mentioned above might be a good next step in your family? What are times during the week you could practice these skills in your family? When could you start? I encourage you to start soon!

For help with this in your family, see the online course: Family Integrity: Emotional Resilience

Because of many of you I am heading to Washington DC!

Sat, 27 Jul 2024 17:21:14 GMT

Say "NO!" and TELL! books go to capital of USA!

Because of many of you sponsoring me, I look forward to attending the 2024 Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation (CESE) Global Summit in Washington D.C next week Aug 5 to 8 as a sponsor with a Say "NO!" and TELL! books exhibit booth.

I offer a sincere and heartfelt thank you for your support of this labor of love work!

A Special Invitation for All of You

Can you envision a world without child sexual abuse? What happens to your heart when you consider your power of impacting all generations with health, healing and hope?

As you know, We Stand Guard, LLC provides prevention education as an outreach to the greater community through SAY “NO!” and TELL! books and other materials which strengthens children, families and communities. We offer simple, turn-key, child-friendly, age-appropriate read-aloud books and training workbooks that anyone can use plus workshops and other valuable resources.

How Can You Support this Work in a NEW WAY?

1. By giving in a new tax deductible way to the Say "NO!" and TELL! books project . Currently, this includes a goal of funding the final 1/3 amount needed for the Washington D.C. trip with any overflow going toward general continuing work, other projects and beyond (in which 92% of your donation goes directly to my project when giving by credit card or ACH per New Horizons Foundation's processing fee).

2. Sharing this event with everyone you know plus posts with hashtags on social media (see tips in blog below plus the guest spotlight section of this newsletter for more details).

And, I deeply appreciate your consideration of joining this effort with us!

�� The Movement to End Sexual Abuse and Exploitation is Here!

Feeling overwhelmed or uninformed about the intersections between sexual exploitation and tech innovations? Equip yourself at the 2024 Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation (CESE) Global Summit!

The CESE Summit is designed to unite the movement by providing a space to present the latest research and solutions, network with allies, collaborate, and strategize. This Summit has become a massive catalyst for global change impacting millions.

�� Date: August 5-8, 2024
�� Location: Washington, DC
�� Over 50 expert presenters
�� More than 600 leader participants
�� Theme: "The Great Collision: Emerging Tech, Sexual Exploitation, and the Ongoing Pursuit of Dignity"

The hashtag#CESESummit is a launching pad for informed action plans and precise strategies, paving the way for significant victories in our shared mission. As we step into the future, we remain committed to fueling change, fostering collaboration, and continuing our pursuit of a world free from sexual exploitation.

✨ Join us at the summit! Follow our socials for clips and updates. Share anything that resonates with you using hashtag#endexploitation and hashtag#CESESummit . Let’s connect and strengthen the movement together!

�� EndExploitationSummit.com
hashtag#CESESummit hashtag#EndExploitation hashtag#GlobalChange hashtag#TechForGood hashtag#UniteToEndExploitation

A Refresh on Boundaries for All Ages Today

Fri, 10 May 2024 16:22:25 GMT

Has Someone Crossed the Line? Have you crossed someone's boundaries?

Has Someone Crossed the Line? Have you crossed someone's boundaries? Clarifying and maintaining boundaries is a lifelong practice and skill for all ages, especially today in our tech world.

My friend Barb Winters has written a thought-provoking guest blog so we can "let it begin with me" by reflecting on our own boundaries day to day. Plus she relates boundaries in a relevant way to our culture by connecting to tech and our youth.

A Refresh on Boundaries for All Ages Today

In a world of child sexual abuse material (CSAM), pornography, hookup culture, and predators, understanding why boundaries are important is paramount. The following is an excerpt from Barb Winters’ book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships .

I ruffled my son’s hair. “Good job.” He had finished his science project and was walking it to the living room to show his dad. “You messed up my hair.” He appeared less than thrilled.

“But it’s so soft,” I said playfully.

“Mom, stop. I don’t like when you get in my space.”

I paused. I guess he was growing up and no longer appreciated his mommy touching him without permission. “Sorry. I’ll try to be more respectful.”

I can’t boast that I’ve always heard my children’s requests or taken them seriously. I also can’t promise I never ruffled my son’s hair again—I may have slipped once or twice. But as I mature, I’m learning to listen to others when they attempt to communicate their boundaries.

Teaching Teens

When teaching preteens and teens at local schools, we emphasize the importance of setting and communicating boundaries. A healthy person institutes boundaries. Healthy relationships incorporate boundaries. A boundary is a limit. It’s a border, an invisible line drawn to express parameters—what we deem as acceptable and unacceptable in various areas of life. Think of a fence or lines on a road. The lines mark the area where it’s safe to drive. If we veer over the line, we’re in danger of hitting an oncoming car or going into a ditch.

I like boundaries. I find them comforting. Not everyone appreciates limitations and rules, but I feel safer knowing them and staying within their confines. I’d much rather my son tell me not to touch his hair, even though this signal that he was growing up saddened me, than for him to resent me because I crossed a boundary I didn’t know existed.

Our goal as caregivers is to help our children

(1) comprehend why they need boundaries

(2) recognize which areas of life need boundaries

(3) set their boundaries

(4) communicate their boundaries to others

Boundaries protect us. Many people rebel against rules and regulations. Society conditions us to resist guidelines and directives, as if those “other people” are trying to control, manipulate, and reign over us. Hormonal teens, trying to find their place in the world and testing their limits, can adopt this stance. Our objective is to turn this thinking around so they view boundaries as friendly and an essential component of life.

When I tell teens we turn off the Wi-Fi every night at 11:00 p.m. in our household, they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind and ruined my children for life. But I purposefully mention this line to reveal this fact: because I love my children, I want to safeguard them. My job is to protect them from predators and help them resist temptation late at night. I am relieving them of the burden of saying no to pornography, late-night gaming, and social media drama—and improving their ability to say yes to a good night’s sleep and a well-rested body.

A Universal Human Need for Boundaries

Boundaries are necessary in multiple areas of life. We set our alarms. We create budgets. We watch our caloric intake. We limit our interactions with people who push our buttons. And we obey traffic signals. These are all boundaries—ones we’ve set for ourselves and ones established by others. To some extent, these lines exist in all areas of life, but let’s look at some specific areas that benefit relationships. We want the next generation to set these boundaries as soon as possible, before it’s necessary to exercise them.

In the physical area, within a romantic relationship, help your children establish how far they will go sexually before marriage. Discuss the options, lay out the benefits of waiting for intercourse, read Scripture, and pray with them. Walk them through the stages of physical intimacy, including holding hands, kissing, and other sexual activity leading up to intercourse, being as explicit as possible for their age. Help them choose their line, their stopping point, but allow them to make the choice. When comfortable, tell personal stories—your choices and the benefits and/or consequences to your decisions. Offer advice if they ask, but don’t decide for them. Preteens and teens are more apt to adhere to limits, to say no when pressured, if they set their boundaries themselves.

Determine boundaries around screen time and social media. Get their buy-in by asking for their input and listening to their reasoning. Ask their opinion about consequences when needed. The parameters established in your home depend on your children’s ages, maturity level, and history. Some children are more vulnerable than others. Some have a more addictive nature than others. As they mature, adapt the guidelines. Hopefully, as adults, they will continue to place limits on their screen time.

Understanding Boundary Violations

Additionally, help your children decipher acceptable and unacceptable behaviors within friendships, partnerships, and family. Do your children like teasing? How close is too close? Do others listen to their ideas? Do they have the freedom to make decisions within relationships, or do others always demand their way? Are they confident enough to interact with other people responsibly? Do they encounter abusive behavior? Are they treated with respect and kindness? Do others pressure them when they say no? Are they looking for red flags?

Do your children know when someone crosses a line? How will they respond?

We want the next generation to regard these borders as positive and protective so, as they mature into adulthood, they continue to set them and say no to people who push for more.

After they’ve determined their boundaries, help your children communicate those boundaries. . . . Voicing boundaries is important. The sooner we empower our children to set and communicate boundaries, the better equipped they will be for the future. Teach them to state their limitations in a kind manner and say “no” when the lines are ignored. If someone continuously pushes their limits, they may need to change the approach to the relationship.

It’s reasonable to set our own boundaries and adhere to others’ limits. Acknowledging and appreciating others’ boundaries is important. This give-and-take contributes to a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.

Barb Winter's Biography:

Barb Winters is the mom of a recovered pornography addict, certified Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist, and founder of Hopeful Mom: supporting parents in an online world , where she offers encouragement and practical advice to parents and leaders. As Lead Facilitator at E3 Family Solutions, Inc., Barb equips students to make healthy choices and empowers parents to aid their children. She’s a sought-after podcast and blogsite guest, published in numerous magazines, serves on anti-pornography committees, speaks at seminars, and advocates for human trafficking awareness.

Barb's book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships , released August 8, 2023. She and her husband reside in Florida, near two of their four children. Connect with Barb at HopefulMom.net.

Nurture Your Children Toward Healthier Choices

Wed, 13 Dec 2023 21:46:19 GMT

Practice with food!

How does body safety and choosing healthy foods with kids connect? Well, we can practice decision-making, wellness, self-care affirmative feedback and positive body image as it relates to food to name a few, which can lay the foundation for teaching body safety. Because, when we consider our personal nutrition and relationship with food, we connect to our bodies. Supporting children in growing healthy self- images with nutrition, as an example, teaches them self-care - they learn their hearts, minds and bodies are worth it!

Plus, I like to strengthen the WeStandGuard.com content with a variety of other supportive topics beyond body safety, yet so closely related such as self-care.

Check out guest blog by Anya Willis @ Fitkids.info

Nurture Your Children Toward Healthier Choices

Navigating the myriad of lifestyle choices in today's world can be overwhelming, particularly for children. Thus, it's crucial for parents to step in and guide their youngsters toward making healthier decisions. While it’s not always easy, there are several things you can do to make the process fun for your little ones. This article offers a comprehensive set of advice and resources that can assist parents in instilling healthy habits in their children. Let's get started.

Involving Kids in Decision-Making

Involving children in meal planning and grocery shopping can greatly enhance their interest in healthier eating. Giving them a voice in food choices fosters a sense of ownership and encourages them to be open to nutritional options. One effective method is to collaboratively create a shopping list, or you might allow them to help you cook dinner . Another strategy is to allow them to pick out a new fruit or vegetable each week as a way to diversify their palate. These practices not only make children more receptive to healthy foods but also provide valuable learning experiences.

Incorporate Nutritious Foods

Mealtime offers a prime opportunity to enrich a child's diet with nutritious ingredients. Innovative approaches, like blending vegetables into smoothies or adding them to homemade muffins, can make the transition to healthy eating more enjoyable. The goal is to seamlessly weave nutrition into familiar foods , making it less of a chore for children to eat healthily. This creative incorporation aids in acclimating children to better eating practices without compromising on taste.

Encourage Regular Physical Exercise

Physical activity is vital for a child’s overall well-being. Family walks can be a fun and practical way to instill the habit of regular exercise. Moreover, if your neighborhood isn't pedestrian-friendly, look for an area with a high Walk Score of 70 or above to get your daily steps in. Such areas are generally safer and more conducive to walking, making it easier for your family to maintain an active lifestyle.

Foster a Positive Body Image

Media exposure can strongly influence children's views on body image, frequently presenting unattainable standards. Initiating conversations with your children about these media portrayals can help debunk myths about ideal body types. The emphasis should shift from chasing unrealistic images to adopting a balanced, healthy lifestyle. This approach aids in cultivating a positive body image and a healthier self-perception in children.

Ignite Their Interests

Each child has distinct interests that can significantly impact their well-being when explored. Identifying an activity that aligns with your child's passions can imbue them with a sense of purpose. Participation in extracurricular activities, whether it's art, sports, or technology , can enhance their social skills and offer alternative avenues for physical or mental engagement. This focused involvement can be instrumental in promoting a balanced, fulfilling lifestyle for your child.

Utilize Affirmative Feedback

Positive feedback is crucial for children, as it often serves as motivation to continue making good choices. When coming from trusted adults, this affirmation can be especially impactful. Commending your child for making healthy choices, such as choosing fruit over candy or practicing a new skill, encourages better decision-making. This cycle of affirmation and improved behavior reinforces the importance of positive reinforcement in a child's development.

Guiding children to make healthier choices is a long-term commitment that demands both patience and resourcefulness. However, by utilizing the practical tips and methods outlined above, you’re well on your way to setting them up for a future of wellbeing. Foster their interest in nutrition, encourage physical activities, engage them in dialogues about body image, help them find activities they love, and use affirmation as a powerful motivational tool. This balanced approach will enable you to lead your children down the path to a fulfilling, healthy life.

Have a question for the team at We Stand Guard ? Reach out today.

How are Your Kids Safe in this Digital Age?

Fri, 22 Sep 2023 15:40:10 GMT

What's the progression from sexting to sextortion to sex trafficking?

In the Say "NO!" and TELL! books, the scenarios section in the children's books offers role-play ideas written as positive life skills relating to boundaries for a lifetime. I designed these 8 scenarios after researching what tactics an abuser may try to groom kids. Also, the story section of the books offer white clouds with interactive questions. Some say these are the genius of the books - role-play and interaction. It's easy to take an on-line picture walk through the Say "NO!" and TELL! books for general audiences and check out these special features in this short YouTube video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grIFj35ribo&t=1s

In fact a renowned specialist, Kristen Jensen, Author of Good Pictures Bad Pictures , says "The true genius of the Say “NO!” and TELL! books is the Scenarios section providing eight practical tools and relevant scenarios for grown-ups to practice and role play with the child."

As an educator of 15 years, I saw first hand how reading and then applying the content is key for long-term memory and muscle memory for both classroom academics and movement in PE respectively. Interacting with kids by asking powerful questions that relate to the child's life as well as role-playing vital life-skills can bring alive the body boundaries skills in ways that many books do not. The higher levels of thinking per Bloom's Taxonomy explain that after knowledge was presented, implementing the “skills and abilities” must follow with the understanding that knowledge was the necessary precondition for putting these skills and abilities into practice.

A few of the life-skills in the scenarios section of the Say "NO!" and TELL! books include device safety. The risks of kids' traumatic exposure to pornography (e.g. non-physical contact child sexual abuse) abound. Pornography is an aggressive industry preying on the vulnerable and targeting kids as young as 7 or 8 yrs (some say is the average age of exposure) since the "producers" (i.e. traffickers in most cases) know it's addictive. I advocate for training kids the earlier, the better, especially once they have access to a device with Internet.

What about the problem of sexting leading to sextortion leading to sex trafficking progression? Possibly, much to chagrin of many people recently watching the Sound of Freedom movie, these very real risks do not only happen overseas or far flung parts of the Earth. Sadly, the USA runs rampant with these atrocities, often leading the way in the consumption of it all. God help us all. To learn more, we invite you to tune in to learn more from Brittany Dunn, COO at the Safe House Project as well as read her guest blog below.

Guest blog written by Brittany Dunn - COO of Safe House Project

We have a neighbor with two girls, ages 7 and 12. Sometimes our kids play outside in the afternoon on the weekends. One afternoon as I walked up to the kids outside, I happened upon the last few seconds of a “ TikTok ” video that our neighbor’s 12-year-old daughter was making. As I approached, she quickly turned off the phone and put it in her pocket. What was most disturbing about this 5-second observation was not that I surprised her as I walked up to check on the kids outside playing, it was that she was in her bathing suit while making this video. And, even though it was just a few seconds, and my child, although not in the video was right next to her doing something else. The way she moved her hips and flipped her hair, it just didn’t look natural for a child if there is such a thing. I didn’t say anything to her or to my kids. We ended up swimming that day. I held my tongue. I just started noticing more.

Two days later, the whole picture comes into focus while our family is out at dinner. Our neighbor’s 12-year-old daughter is obsessed with her phone (what 12-year-old isn’t these days?) and she doesn’t let anyone ever have it. It’s always with her, which kind of gets weird when you’re trying to play foursquare outside with your siblings. She’s obsessed with the phone because she’s taking pictures of herself for Instagram and selling them online for money or points on TikTok . Now if that wasn’t cause for concern enough, she recently shared that she has over 60,000 followers online.

Mind you, she’s not an “influencer” and she isn’t “branding herself” right now on social media. What she’s branding herself for is human trafficking. This is how close we are to these friends. That’s how it’s crept into our neighborhoods. Selfie’s with addresses in the background and location-based posting. If you’re in the News media, by all means, these things are relevant, but as a child, never! A child is inherently vulnerable. It’s our job as the parents, caregivers and those who care about children --the protectors and the adults-- to do something and say something in this situation. To put the phone down and have a conversation with them, eye to eye.

So who do you know? Who do you know that has a child with a cell phone? Because those are the next victims in this cycle. Who do you know that isn’t monitoring their child’s messages or DM’s or “private DM” accounts? That was one of the questions I was asked as our families stood outside in our driveway and finally discussed what was happening. “How did you know about the bathing suit photo?” she said. I walked outside and looked around. It’s hiding in plain sight, friends.

Do you realize that hundreds of thousands of American kids are sex trafficked every year? Traffickers are grooming millions of kids. Sextortion is one of the fastest-growing crimes. We as parents, have our job cut out for us to keep our kids safe, but the great part is that you are not alone. We are here to help empower you to have the hard conversations, to educate you on signs and indicators, and to help STOP the spread of these heinous crimes against children.

So, to make sure we are all on the same page, let’s clarify some definitions.

Grooming : refers to actions or behaviors used to establish an emotional connection with a child under the age of consent, and sometimes the child's family, to lower the child's inhibitions with the objective of sexual abuse.

Sextortion : When someone demands sexual images under threat of releasing or distributing material the child seeks to keep private.

Child sexual abuse material (legally known as child pornography in the U.S.): refers to any content that depicts sexually explicit activities involving a child.

Child Sex Trafficking : commercial sexual exploitation of a child.

Keeping kids safe in the digital age is a challenge. Predators are lurking around every online corner waiting for a moment of vulnerability. Parents cannot be everywhere, but we can do our best to protect our kids by empowering them to protect themselves. We can also know the signs and indicators of grooming, sextortion, and child sex trafficking to ensure we can spot, report, and prevent any suspicious activity. Join as for our upcoming webinar, where we dive into these important topics, and give you critical resources to help you on this journey.

Safe House Project has a vision of eradicating child trafficking by uniting communities to end domestic sex trafficking and restore hope, freedom, and a future to every survivor.

Safe House Project’s mission is to increase survivor identification beyond one percent through education, provide emergency services and placement to survivors, and ensure every trafficking survivor has access to safe housing and holistic care. Learn more at

www.safehouseproject.org

or take our one-hour trafficking training at IAmOnWatch.org

Instagram: @safehouseproject

Facebook: @SafeHousePrjct

LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/company/safe-house-project/

YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsW4-ZQ8l4fnaZnNlCXrDlQ

How to Master Life Transitions Through Wholesome Habits

Tue, 05 Sep 2023 19:41:09 GMT

Transitions as the Kids are Growing up!

What challenges or gaps are you facing as the kids are growing up, which brings change as they transition from childhood to tweeners and teenagers.

In addition to last month's blog on A Look at Self-Care Activities for Kids , here is an interesting look at your own self-care, especially during transitions with kids growing up. In fact, I visited my triplet nephews this past Labor Day weekend and my brother and I were cracking up since their PJ bottoms were like crop pants - they have grown taller as they begin middle school! Surprise!!!

As a follow up to last month, check out Anya Willis' Part 2 guest blog on self-care (see more at https://fitkids.info/ ).

Life is a roller coaster of changes, from new jobs and relationships to relocations and even crises. As disorienting as these major life transitions can be, they also offer a unique opportunity to reboot your habits and improve your overall well-being. Today, we will provide you with strategies to embrace these transformations and convert life's challenges into stepping stones for a better you,

Turning Anxiety into Calm

It's natural for stress levels to peak during transitions. However, these moments provide a chance to develop effective stress-management strategies . Start with acknowledging the stressors. Once you identify them, use mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing or meditation, to mitigate their impact. Incorporating physical activity can also make a significant difference. Exercise releases endorphins, which naturally reduces stress. So, the next time you find yourself overwhelmed, remember to take a step back and focus on your well-being.

Go Back to School

Returning to school is one of the best ways to revitalize your life and open doors in terms of a future career. There are plenty of options out there, as well. For instance, if you’ve ever thought about pursuing an online bachelor's degree in nursing , now is the time. Online nurses are in high demand, and if you’re open to the flexibility that comes with internet-based learning platforms, you can work toward your degree on your own schedule, from the comfort of your own home.

From Concept to Logo

Major life transitions can also offer the ideal moment to venture into entrepreneurship. Begin with research. Understand your target market, potential challenges, and financial requirements. Once you have a comprehensive plan, move to the execution phase. When it comes to establishing a brand identity , create a memorable image using free online logo makers. These platforms offer an array of customizable designs to give your business a professional edge, and a well-designed logo can do wonders for brand recognition.

Fostering Consistency

Adjusting to a new chapter in life often requires a revamped routine. Consistency is the cornerstone of habit formation , and the best way to ensure this is by designing a daily routine that aligns with your newfound goals. This can be anything from a workout schedule to set times for personal and professional growth. Not only does this help in maintaining a balanced life, but it also solidifies the positive changes you aim to make.

Legal and Financial Control through an LLC

If you opt for the entrepreneurial route, forming an LLC ( limited liability company ) is crucial. This legal structure provides personal liability protection and offers several tax benefits. It signifies a critical step towards becoming your own boss, putting you in control of your business and, by extension, your destiny. Consider consulting professionals to help you navigate the complexities of forming an LLC.

Balance Your Caffeine Intake

For many, caffeine is a daily necessity. However, it's easy to go overboard, especially during stressful periods. If you must drink caffeine, take the time to learn more about the different coffee drinks available. Whether it's opting for a lighter roast or mixing in decaf, these choices can help you maintain energy levels without sacrificing sleep quality.

Improve Your Social Circle

Relationships play a crucial role during transitional phases. This is an ideal time to assess your social circle and make necessary adjustments. If certain relationships are toxic, it’s time to distance yourself. Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive individuals can significantly boost your emotional and psychological well-being.

Repair Your Credit

Transitions often have financial implications. Use this time to review your credit report and take steps to fix any inconsistencies or debts. By managing your finances effectively, you lessen stress and lay the foundation for a stable future.

Goals with a Purpose: Mapping Your Journey

Setting clearly defined goals that resonate with your core values is fundamental. They act as a roadmap, guiding you through challenges and keeping you centered. A detailed, step-by-step plan can greatly assist in achieving these goals, and the focus it brings can be an invaluable asset.

The experience of undergoing a significant life transition can be exhilarating, daunting, and enriching all at once. Embracing these transitional phases with purposeful strategies can redefine challenges as opportunities for personal and professional growth. By applying the practices highlighted in this article, you're poised to emerge stronger, more empowered, and ready to seize future opportunities with aplomb.

A Look at Self-Care Activities for Kids

Fri, 18 Aug 2023 16:58:19 GMT

Setting the Stage for a Bright Future

Self-care is a critical aspect of personal well-being , and it's never too early to start. By teaching children the importance of self-care, we can equip them with the tools necessary to manage their mental and physical health as they grow. This article from We Stand Guard explores various self-care activities for kids, providing a roadmap for parents seeking ways to help their children reset, refresh, and prepare for future challenges.

Upgrading Bed Linens

One often overlooked aspect of self-care is the quality of sleep . A simple yet effective way to enhance your child's comfort and rest is by upgrading their bed linens. Consider investing in season-appropriate duvets and sheets made from breathable, durable materials. This small change can significantly improve the quality of their sleep, ensuring they wake up refreshed and ready for the day.

Use Deep Breathing Exercises to Alleviate Stress

Children, like adults, experience stress and anxiety. Teaching them deep breathing exercises can provide them with a tool to manage these feelings effectively. Deep breathing promotes relaxation, improves focus, and reduces anxiety levels. It's a simple technique that can be practiced anywhere, providing instant relief when needed.

Prioritize Healthcare

Modeling healthcare for your kids is of utmost importance, as it sets a precedent for their own health behaviors in the future. Regular visits to the doctor for check-ups and preventive care can teach them the significance of proactive healthcare. It's essential to demonstrate the use of insurance to cover healthcare costs, explaining how it provides financial protection and ensures access to necessary medical services.

If you're dissatisfied with your current insurance or lack coverage, it's important to explore other options.

Promoting Healthy Eating Habits

Proper nutrition is a cornerstone of physical health and cognitive development. Encouraging healthy eating habits from a young age can lay the groundwork for a lifetime of good health. Teach your kids the value of a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, proteins, and whole grains. This will not only boost their physical health but also enhance their cognitive abilities.

Spend Time Together Outdoors

Spending time together outdoors with your kids is not only a fun experience but also an essential part of their development and well-being. It encourages physical activity, reduces stress, and provides an excellent opportunity for bonding and learning about nature. One of the simplest and most effective ways to enjoy outdoor time is by taking regular walks together. Walking can stimulate conversation, spark curiosity about the environment, and promote a healthy lifestyle.

Encouraging Creativity for Emotional Expression

Online tools for poster design can be a wonderful resource for kids looking for a creative outlet for emotional expression. These platforms offer user-friendly interfaces and a wide array of templates, images, and fonts that children can easily navigate and use to create their own designs. By personalizing these elements, kids can articulate their feelings, thoughts, and ideas in a visually appealing way. Moreover, the act of creating can be therapeutic, helping them process their emotions in a healthy manner.

If your child enjoys art or if you're seeking a new activity for them, you can try this . It's a fun, engaging, and emotionally enriching experience that allows kids to express themselves creatively while also honing their design skills.

Spending Wisely on Toys and Exercise Equipment

When buying toys or workout gear for your offspring, it's crucial to make informed decisions. By perusing online product reviews , you can confirm that the items you're considering match your child's hobbies and developmental stages. This approach guarantees that the purchases you make will aid in your child's overall growth and development. Additionally, this strategy can help you avoid wasting money on items that your child might not use or enjoy.

Teaching children about self-care is a valuable investment in their future. By instilling good habits such as getting adequate sleep, visiting the doctor, practicing healthy eating, setting time for play, encouraging creativity, and making wise purchases, we equip them with the skills needed to navigate life. As they grow and face new challenges, these self-care habits will evolve, providing them with a foundation of resilience and adaptability.

The We Stand Guard training program educates everyone about preventing child sexual abuse and exploitation in all its forms, whether that be physical or non-physical contact abuse. Visit our website to learn more today!

Are You or Your Kids Addicted to Technology?

Sat, 22 Jul 2023 12:30:32 GMT

Learn Healthy Screen Habits

Studies show that excessive exposure to online activities like video gaming, social media, and pornography are having resounding negative effects on our youth’s mental, emotional, interpersonal, and physical health. These problems all seem to share a common theme: overuse of screen time.

Continue reading our new guest blog by Hillary Wilkinson, Director of Programs at Healthy Screen Habits, including practical solutions:

(Also, Hilary interviewed me for a podcast which debuted a month ago in June 2023 - you can listen here Standing Guard Against Grooming and Online Sexual Predators .)

Healthy Screen Habits is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering families to create healthy habits for screen use while maintaining technology as a tool– never as a replacement– for human connection.

We believe strongly in bringing awareness to people, not only about the problems families face with tech use, but also about the solutions to these issues.

Let’s look at how bringing balance to technology use can help overcome distraction, how addressing difficult social situations head on can prevent using tech as a crutch in life, and how establishing one of our 5 Core Healthy Screen Habits on using a phone docking station can improve mood and sleep issues.

Real Human Connection

When establishing healthy screen habits, an important focus to maintain is bringing balance to the time you spend with technology. Balancing our time online with time spent in real world connections and physical interactions is crucial. Without this balance we have a tendency to overuse and misuse technology. When we overuse tech, digital distraction easily moves in, big feelings and challenges are often avoided, and growth opportunities can get delayed or buried. To avoid this distraction, establish screen-free times and spaces within your home.

Sticky Situations

Our kids need to see us struggle with real world problems and “sticky” social situations–the difficult and awkward aspects of relationships; they also need time in their own life to figure these things out. As humans, when we are uncomfortable we tend to want to move towards a place of comfort. Distracting ourselves from dealing with real world problems by spending an hour on social media or diving into an online game may give a “quick fix” to those negative feelings, but it does not provide opportunity to build “social muscle” to overcome. We owe it to ourselves and our children to work through social stickiness, deal with real life discomfort, and create durable resilience to adversity. Keep consistent screen-free areas and times for your family; real world connections, physical activities, and meaningful discussion will take place. Model for your kids that tech has a spot in our lives, but person-to-person connections are more important.

Lack of Sleep

Consistently, a challenge we hear from families is tech-related behavioral and emotional changes. When talking with teens, tweens, and younger kids about their tech habits, we often find that many of these changes are simply due to a lack of sleep. Digital devices are stealing all of our sleep. Teens and children who are allowed to have screens in the bedroom are nearly incapable of staying off of them in the late night hours. Blue light disruption, social drama, insistent algorithms, and FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) all create the perfect storm of distraction which prevents kids from unplugging. Lack of sleep impairs judgment, lowers impulse control, and leads to a generally rough day.

Family Docking Station

This problem is easily fixed by adopting one of our 5 Core Healthy Screen Habits: Establish a family charging/docking station in the master bedroom or bathroom. This one habit can protect your child from digital temptations, lack of sleep, and can set your family up for establishing healthy boundaries around tech. We recommend the parents’ bedroom or bathroom because we have experienced first hand the creativity that can be employed by teens who want to access their screens at night! Protect your sleep and protect your kids by getting devices out of their bedrooms.

There is no single path towards digital wellness. You and your family get to decide the right balance that will benefit your family’s health and well-being.

The Family Tech Plan

For families interested in gaining traction around intentional tech use and digital wellness, start with our free, downloadable tool called “The Family Tech Plan”. This customizable tool allows every family member to voice concerns and have a hand in creating the boundaries around tech. Encourage everyone’s input. The more that people in your family speak up and listen to each other in this process, the better the buy in will be.

This free, helpful tool is available on the Healthy Screen Habits website .

Remember - you are a team!

Child Sexual Abuse includes Kids Seeing P*rnography

Fri, 26 May 2023 00:00:00 GMT

Learn more in two ways!

After people read a Say "NO!" and TELL! book, they often realize that, "wow, this has happened to me...or to someone I know. I just learned 'THAT' was child sexual abuse." It's important to understand the definitions - for a grown-up vs a child - by getting back to the basics.

The language we use as adults needs to become child-friendly and age-appropriate for children with words and concepts they understand while relating to their real world (which does not need to include reproduction).

Also, we need to teach kids to guard their eyes from unsafe pictures online (e.g. pornography).

LEARN MORE IN TWO WAYS:

1. LISTENING TO MY NEW PODCAST
with Hillary Wilkinson at Healthy Screen Habits

Standing Guard Against Grooming and Online Sexual Predators

2. READING THIS BLOG...

What exactly is personal safety, child sexual abuse (CSA) and pornography?

Let's define personal safety.

As a health educator, we call prevention of child sexual abuse personal safety, which includes both physical and non-physical contact child sexual abuse. Healthy screen habits and personal safety connect because when a child/teen sees pornography, that is a form of CSA, and can be traumatizing. It is important to begin talking to youth about pornography when a child first has access to the Internet. Some say the average age of exposure to pornography is 8 yrs old, although we have all seen infants and toddlers on devices. So talking to kids around 5 years old can make sense. Will they learn about pornography from you or by inadvertently seeing the abusive and traumatic images themselves?

Let’s define child sexual abuse.

A definition for grown-ups
Any contact or interaction (visual, verbal, or psychological)
between a child/minor and an adult or between two minors, when a child/minor is being used
when one exerts power over another with force, coercion, or persuasion for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or any other person.

A definition for children
Someone older or bigger tricks or makes a child
have physical touch with either one’s private parts
or non-touching interactions like seeing pictures or hearing uncomfortable words about private parts.

Let's define pornography.

A definition for grown-ups
Pornography is made of two Greek words: porne means “prostitutes” and graphein means “to write about.” In today’s digital world, we have images of porn in both form and function. The form or the “act” and “content” of porn has changed from words into images, but the function or “intention” remains the same.

According to Jill C. Manning ( What's the Big Deal about Pornography , p. 2): " Pornography is material specifically designed to arouse sexual feelings in people by depicting nudity, sexual behavior, or any type of sexual information. This can refer to pictures, stories, sounds, symbols, actions, or words that depict bodies and/or sexual behavior."

Gail Dines says we live in a “pornified culture!” Porn is an aggressive industry (MindGeek has the porn monopoly – a global conglomerate) that targets 11- 14 year old since their brains are still forming and highly susceptible to addiction (response is 4 X stronger than adults).

Dr. Gary Lynch, a neurologist, says viewing pornography releases dopamine and adrenaline and surges the reward system causing a similar reaction to your brain as drug use. Also, oxytocin, can cause one to bond with fantasy and reject reality. Addiction footprint on the brain is atrophy in the striate or reward system – the more viewing per week, the more it changes. “An event which lasts a half a second within 5-10 min. has produced a structural change as profound as the structural changes one sees in (brain) damage…” due to neuroplasticity - the brain is plastic and it changes just like muscles. It is modified by the behavior it produces and multiplicity such as porn driving the virtual reality industry (Oculus Rift) which even more highly addictive (i.e. Japan).

As pornography becomes normalized, it’s also become more explicit, violent, racist, humiliating, and dehumanizing, while focusing on aggressive sexual activity (i.e . 50 Shades of Gray )., consumption of pornography causes desensitization – in order to experience arousal, many seek ever harsher more violent and degrading images, plus it’s free online. Pornography is a public health crisis. According to www.strengthtofight.ca porn is criminal, not entertainment. About 88% of scenes in porn films contain acts of physical aggression and 49% of scenes contain verbal aggression. The “portrayed” abuse in porn scenes are real and many of the porn performers are sex trafficked.

A definition for children
Pictures of people without any clothes on which can make you feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, or sick to your stomach or also feel exciting--which can be confusing to experience two feelings at the same time ( Kristen Jenson, author of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures) .

I explain to kids that nudity or nakedness means a person without clothes. If a person tries to show you his/her private parts (pictures or videos too) or talks about private parts in uncomfortable ways …
then say “NO!” and get away if you can and TELL a trusted grown-up ( phase II of my Three-phase approach Ⓒ, I address boundaries for "people safety" using child-friendly and age-appropriate language (p 23 -24 in the In my Say “NO!” and TELL! books).

I teach kids to guard their eyes from what you see or hear. Examples of non-physical contact child sexual abuse may include exhibitionism (flashing), voyeurism (watching others), exposure to pornography or sexual communication via phone or Internet. These examples can be grooming schemes of an abuser to try and normalize the next steps toward physical contact child sexual abuse.

What ages are kids being exposed to porn?

Exposure to pornography can happen when they first have access to the Internet, in my opinion along with other experts in this prevention education field. According to the third

Youth Internet Safety Survey, published in 2010,

the ages when youth were unwillingly exposed to nudity online were:

10-12: 15%

13-15: 23%

16-17: 28%

Sophie Curtis Technology and Science Editor, 19 Sep 2016

However, children are accessing pornography earlier than ever, with under-10s now accounting for one in 10 of the visitors to porn video sites. Children under the age of 10 now account for 22% of online porn consumption among under-18s, according to research by security technology company Bitdefender.

Some 10% of the visitors to porn video sites are less than 10 years old, Bitdefender research shows.

Internal intelligence from Bitdefender's parental control feature revealed that the sites most visited by children under 10 include xvideos.com, xnxx.com and pornhub.com.

Although most porn websites ask users to confirm they are 18 or older, they have no way to verify the real age of the visitors.

When do we start talking about pornography with kids?

When a child first has access to devices and the Internet. Infants, toddlers, children and teens are just one click away from pornographic or XXX “hard core” content with the high accessibility to the Internet. According to Kristen Jenson, author of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, https://www.defendyoungminds.com/post/how-do-kids-find-porn-top-10-ways-in-2023 , kids can be exposed to porn in 10 ways including social media, apps, Smartphones (or secret burner phones), video and music streaming services, other kids’ devices and homes, grandparents or other family members homes, online gaming and video game consoles, school, VR and AI generated art we carry in our purses and pockets.

And, based on these two historical studies below, the sooner the better.

Study 1 in 2007 – According to researchers at the University of Washington and Seattle Children’s Hospital Research Institute , published today in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine. A large number of parents are ignoring warnings from the American Academy of Pediatrics and are allowing their very young children to watch television, DVDs or videos so that by 3 months of age 40 percent of infants are regular viewers. That number jumps to 90 percent of 2-year-olds.

“Exposure to TV takes time away from more developmentally appropriate activities such as a parent or adult caregiver and an infant engaging in free play with dolls, blocks or cars,” said Frederick Zimmerman, lead author of the study and a UW associate professor of health services.

“While appropriate television – screen time - viewing at the right age can be helpful for both children and parents, excessive viewing before age 3 has been shown to be associated with problems of attention control, aggressive behavior and poor cognitive development. Early television viewing has exploded in recent years, and is one of the major public health issues facing American children.” May 7, 2007, Jennifer Seymour

Study 2 in 2019 – According to Dr. John Hutton, a pediatrician and clinical researcher at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital screen time use by infants, toddlers and preschoolers has exploded over the last decade , concerning experts about the impact of television, tablets and smartphones on these critical years of rapid brain development.

Now a new study scanned the brains of children 3 to 5 years old and found those who used screens more than the recommended one hour a day without parental involvement had lower levels of development in the brain’s white matter – an area key to the development of language, literacy and cognitive skills. “This is important because the brain is developing the most rapidly in the first five years,” Hutton said. “That’s when brains are very plastic and soaking up everything, forming these strong connections that last for life.”

Studies have shown excessive TV viewing is linked to the inability of children to pay attention and think clearly , while increasing poor eating habits and behavioral problems. Associations have also been shown between excessive screen time and language delay, poor sleep, impaired executive function , and a decrease in parent-child engagement.

“It’s known that kids that use more screen time tend to grow up in families that use more screen time,” Hutton said. “Kids who report five hours of screen time could have parents who use 10 hours of screen time. Put that together and there’s almost no time for them to interact with each other.”

In addition, the portability of today’s screens allow them to “follow kids everywhere.” Hutton said. “They can take screens to bed, they can take them to meals, they can take them to the car, to the playground.” Mon November 4, 2019, Dr. John Hutton, a pediatrician and clinical researcher at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital

How do we get kids to stay away from pornography?

Rehearse and role play these five action steps for personal safety since it is not a matter of if, but when a child may experience a questionable situation:

1. Say “NO!”

2. GET AWAY if you can!

3. TELL someone!

4. KEEP TELLING until it stops!

5. Take a stand!

It is key to emphasize KEEP TELLING as many people as it takes until someone believes you and makes it stop!

Kids can memorize this as a jingle:

Remember to Say NO

And GET AWAY if you can

TELL someone and KEEP TELLING

Until it stops; take a stand!

How do we get kids to want to make the right choices with screen time?

I highly recommend using a Love and Logic approach with kids of all ages. And incentivize or feed what you want to grow. And, some of you may remember my #1 healthy screen habit tip! I recently read the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown and he shared a brilliant Technology Token System, which is...

"Give the children ten tokens at the beginning of the week. These could be traded in for either 30 minutes of screen time or fifty cents at the end of each week, adding up to $5 or five hours of screen time a week. If a child reads a book for 30 minutes, her or she would earn an additional token, which could also be traded in for screen time or for money. The results were incredible: overnight, screen time went down 90%, reading went up by the same amount, and the overall effort we had to put into policing the system went way, way down. In other words, non-essential activity dramatically decreased and essential activity dramatically increased. Once a small amount of initial effort was invested to set up the system, it worked without friction.

The key is to start small, encourage progress and celebrate small wins." (p 198)

This approach incentivizes the right things while foundationally providing the power of choice for kids to foster individuation. Also, this system wisely positions parents in a supportive role, much like the Love and Logic approach to parenting/educating - empowering kids and teens with age-appropriate choices - that I found to be nearly fool proof and wholly effective will all kids throughout my entire career.

In fact, I recently had a sleep over with my 11-year-old triplet nephews and grandma and grandpa’s house and one of the first thing the boys asked upon arrival was "Do you have any good books to read around here? We are earning tech time." I continued reading the Judy Blume series aloud Tales of the Fourth Grade Nothing and now SuperFudge. They even shared with my brother/their dad about the funny parts as were all laughing a lot, plus my theatrics help, I imagine. I was amazed at the fast results.

Is Preventing the Nightmare of Child Trafficking Possible?

Tue, 09 May 2023 00:00:00 GMT

Yes! It starts with us.

Human trafficking is hiding in plain sight since the United Nations says 40 million people are enlsaved world-wide . This epidemic has two sides to the coin - human trafficking (both labor and sexual abuse) and the buyers.

Breaking the cycle of child trafficking is a massive beast on all fronts, quite literally. It's not for the faint of heart, yet these innocent and vulnerable babies, children and teens need warriors to fight for them. Making a difference can simply be someone willing to share the facts and ways to combat it. Most anyone can become an advocate for children with even small yet significant steps of sharing this prevention education message.

Plus, how do we end the demand? Without slavery - buyers of humans or commodification of humanity - (which feels nauseating to even type) then humanity can live free. Isn't that what most all of us want - freedom to live our best lives?

I know two experts in combatting both - Pam Strickland and Melinda Sampson, warriors at NC Stop Trafficking .

Check out their guest blog here!

Preventing a nightmare

Pam Strickland and Melinda Sampson

Every parent has the nightmare: their child is snatched away and sexually abused or sold. Thankfully, that nightmare almost never comes true. The good news is that kidnapping by a non-relative to abuse or sexually traffic a child is incredibly rare.

The bad news is that the abuse and exploitation is often much closer to home. It commonly happens with the perpetrators being people the child trusts and loves, which is more insidious than the overt forcible kidnap. Thirty one percent of children who are sexually exploited are victimized by their own family members, according to a study cited by the US State Department . Or someone gains their trust by pretending to be a friend or romantic partner.

Anyone can be trafficked, but youth are especially vulnerable to being trafficked.

Kids today are accustomed to interacting with people via text, social media, games and apps. Predators exploit that comfort by presenting themselves online as a friend, confidant, or support person in the child’s life. After they gain the trust of the young person, the predator will typically ask for pictures. The initial requests are innocent, but grow more intimate. This is a strategic play by the predator to normalize sexual behavior between themselves and the child. Not only will the predator typically ask for a self-generated photo from the child, they will then share a sexually explicit photo of themselves or an explicit photo that they claim is them.

This avenue of content exchange can also develop into sextortion – where the perpetrator demands more photos or videos. When the youth protests and says they don’t want to do it anymore, the predator threatens to share the previous pictures and videos with the child’s family and social circles.

The motivations of online predatory behavior typically have one of four outcomes for the perpetrator.

Sometimes the perpetrator is wanting to obtain sexually explicit images of the child. In some cases, the predator is seeking online sexual conversations with a child. Other times, the predator’s motivations may be to meet that child in person to sexually abuse them or meet them in person to facilitate a sexual exploitation agenda.

In 2022, there were 19,565 calls from North Carolina into the Cyber tipline operated by the Center for Missing and Exploited Children. This was a 33% increase from the previous year when there were 13,094.

In 2020, there were two cases (that became public) of young girls in North Carolina being lured away by much older men they met on the computers provided to them by their schools. Thankfully, in both of those cases, the girls were recovered. One perpetrator was arrested and the other died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound during the police standoff that occurred during the rescue of the victim.

In some cases, when the perpetrator’s motivation is to sexually exploit a child for money or something else of value, they will require their victims to groom and recruit other children. A young person is less likely to be suspicious of another youth their own age inviting them to a party or to spend the night at their house.

Just as we don’t want our kids to be victims, we don’t want them to be predators, either.

We need to teach children to observe the boundaries of others. They must be taught to respect the bodily autonomy of others by asking before hugging and kissing friends and family.

If all kids were taught that people are to be respected and only touched when they wanted it, then people wouldn’t be treated as objects to be used.

Teaching these basic tenants of boundaries, autonomy, and personal respect will reduce violence against women and girls, pornography consumption, and demand for commercial sex as a whole.

Simply teaching that my body is mine and your body is yours, and I have the right to control my body and you have the right to control yours, is a huge step toward understanding consent and respect for others.

As a general rule, we must practice what we preach and respect our children’s autonomy and boundaries while we simultaneously maintain the expectation that they respect others. If we are able to have the younger generation understand, believe, and put into practice respecting other people’s humanity, boundaries, and autonomy, then there will be less people who experience abuse and exploitation in the future.

The prevention of child abuse and exploitation doesn’t start with legislation, law enforcement, school policy, or society. It starts with us.

How Do I Spot and Stop a Child Groomer?

Fri, 17 Mar 2023 17:15:10 GMT

Child Trafficking Prevention Tips and Tricks for Parents & Educators

Similarly to the 1940s when the Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous (a fascinating and eye-opening read), was published and people began to recognize he or she just doesn't "like their drink" but rather it's alcoholism, the #MeToo movement is naming and exposing CSA , pornography and sexual exploitation as it relates to addiction with an outcry for help. In fact, my friend "Lacy" shared with me when she recently went away for a leader ministry training weekend and most everyone had a CSA experience as part of their testimony while they struggled to find their voice to share it with one another. Then it dawned on her - maybe people who have not experienced CSA can come along side CSA survivors and be, add to or strengthen the survivors' voices since often, the shock of CSA steals one's voice at the point of trauma. Over the past eight years, countless precious souls of all ages have disclosed their CSA stories to me (often their first time telling anyone and some in their 70s!) which causes me to estimate we are only scratching the surface of understanding the prevalence of CSA in all it's forms, combined with the daunting statistics . One way to combat this growing problem is to learn the signs and symptoms of grooming by an abuser.

For example, in the Say "NO!" and TELL! books, which function as toolkits, I researched the tactics of an abuser and turned them into 8 positive life skills as scenarios to role-play . This list includes privacy, private moments, guarding your eyes, guarding your ears, gifts vs. bribes, safe vs unsafe secrets, self-care vs threats and online safety. I also added "The Profile of an Abuser" to the appendix which exposes surprising myths around grooming and the stereotypical abuser profile based on an extensive study.

Another expert on the topic of grooming is my friend Ellen Paxton, co-founder of ComassChildProtection.com which offers low-cost, easy to implement online training and background checks and helps hundreds of thousands of people in organizations of all sizes recognize, report, and prevent child abuse.

Read Ellen's guest blog here:

How Do I Spot and Stop a Child Groomer?
Child Trafficking Prevention Tips and Tricks for Parents and Educators
By Guest Blogger Ellen Paxton from Compass Abuse Prevention Services

The era of stranger danger is over. We now know that the majority of people looking to harm children are far from strangers – 95% of the time they are known to the child, the family or both. This isn’t meant to cause alarm, but we must be aware.

Child predators are often methodical and patient. They carefully plan and prepare their actions from the moment they identify a victim. They operate skillfully and groom with charm.

What is Grooming?

Grooming is a series of manipulative actions by an abuser to bring the victim under the perpetrator's control. Grooming is not just done to a 'victim,' the abuser grooms parents, caregivers, professionals and community members as well.

The process of grooming involves the following general steps, that can happen in any order:

1. Selection of victim

2. Gaining access and building trust

3. Earning a place in the person's life

4. Acting out the abuse

5. Controlling the relationship

The primary reason a perpetrator can exploit a person is the power the perpetrator has over the person. They may use this influence for manipulating and gaining the person's trust and confidence, creating fear and to coerce their intended victim into performing certain actions.

Recognizing Grooming

Grooming can be difficult to spot. This illusions video shows how easily we can be tricked.

It is impossible to tell if someone is a child groomer from their outward appearance. The truth is that child abusers look like everybody else, with no distinguishing visible characteristics. They are best defined by their behavior and attitudes, meaning that certain traits may be indicators that someone is an abuser.

Child abusers target minors, which means that much of their behavior will reflect their desire to be close to their victims.

Typical grooming behavior can include:

⮞ socializing predominantly with minors,

⮞ treating minors as adults in conversation,

⮞ favoring age-inappropriate hobbies,

⮞ seeking employment or volunteer opportunities that bring them into contact with their targets.

Some suspicious behavior to look out for are adults whose eyes are always roaming, who always initiate conversations where they are boasting about love for children. They, even for a second, can’t keep their eyes from looking at children. They may be adults unable to keep their hands to themselves, often patting kids on the head, or every so often touching them as they walk by.

Abusers are very good at building relationships. When they speak, they draw people in. They tend to lie and exaggerate. They use compliments or tell jokes to gain interest or divert attention. They may flirt, say inappropriate things, or tell jokes that are just a little off color. All these actions are intended to push boundaries ever so slightly.

Remember, people who abuse children act as magicians who have perfected the art of discreetly redirecting attention away from their behaviors. Just like a magician can do a trick right in front of your eyes. They may look and sound like a responsible, reliable, and kind adult.

Talking to Kids About Grooming

Discussing safety with teens and children can help prevent grooming. Here are some abuse prevention topics:

· Keeping personal information safe online.

· Safe touch and boundaries

· Staying in groups.

· Reaching out for help.

Next Steps

You understand grooming and want to stop it – what do you do next? Here are some online resources to help:

· Teachers: FREE Online PD for Teachers (free clock hour to renew your teaching license)

· Professionals: Online Abuse Prevention Training Course (earn a Certificate of Completion)

· Parents : Start important age-appropriate conversations with Safety Conversations for Families resources.

· Leaders of Organizations : Online abuse prevention training and background checks for your employees and volunteers.

How Can "Child P*rn" Happen in the Fashion Industry?

Thu, 01 Dec 2022 22:48:24 GMT

Balenciaga Faces Backlash Over Child Sexual Abuse Images (CSAM)

It looks like my latest November 2022 article titled Some Call it Child P*rnography (rather than CSAM) foreshadowed things to come, unfortunately, per current news about Balenciaga's outrageously wicked "photoshoots" of very young children with BDSM accessories plush bears. This is called sexualizing children, grooming and child sexual abuse material (CSAM) - a crime. Remember child sexual abuse can be defined as:

Any contact or interaction (visual, verbal, or psychological) between a child/minor and an adult or between two minors when a child/minor is being used when one exerts power over another with force, coercion, or persuasion for the sexual stimulation of the abuser or any other person.

But in all actuality, CSAM and child sex trafficking is happening every day world-wide. However this tragedy of slavery is just now beginning to surface into pop culture. I have been PRAYING that God will shine light into this hidden darkness so everyone is aware to help make it STOP! It is happening exponentially whether we like it or not.

As you know, when I first began my research to write the Say "NO!" and TELL! books a handful of years ago, this quickly became one of my main concerns - culture/society changing or eliminating the age of consent and normalizing pedophilia (e.g. some say re-branding as Minors Attracted Persons or MAPS ) through grooming images like Balenciaga's "ads". This is well underway with sexually graphic books in some public schools, movies like Cuties and adult "shows of a sexual nature" targeting kids to join the audience. What has been hidden for so many years - the grooming and proliferation of pedophilia - is now flashing neon lights world-wide as victims bravely come forward and people speak up, often at a great risk and high cost.

I understand this journey because my husband Randall and I have been living it daily the last eight years by investing in We Stand Guard LLC and the Say "NO!" and TELL! books. This labor of love has been costly, full of risk and extremely painful to learn the depth of depravity that's only worsening and a challenge to keep going at times because it is a very broken, dark and evil problem to overcome. Without your support, encouragement and love, we may have given up. Even more so, it's totally worth it because Randall and I love children. We are honored to give back and help children and families have a different and hopefully better life free of abuse. Or if this has already happened in someone's life, we hope to re-fortify boundaries plus share helpful tools and strategies while on your pathway to healing.

Nevertheless, many people outside of my newsletter family list (not you all) do not want to hear, talk or think about the problem of child sexual abuse, which can be understandable. However, I know the babies, toddlers, children, tweens, and teens are suffering way more beyond belief and comprehension at the hands of abuse, rape, torture, trafficking and death, which cannot compare to the temporary discomfort of learning more or taking action. What will happen if people continue to turn a blind eye because they feel uncomfortable about the topic? Alexandra Gucci Zarini explains the urgency of talking about it publicly in her survivor story - a brief 5 min video . The writing is on the wall - there are clear signs that something unpleasant or unwelcome is going to happen. Unless, WE unify, grow our movement and the masses do something about it! Hear from Gianni Salvatore , influencer, fashion designer and stylist, calling us to unify to protect kids .

In fact this note from Meta/Facebook about my ads being rejected for this article echoes Gianni's outcry as an example of ingoring and suppressing the issue, it seems to me.

Hi Kimberly,

Your ads were rejected because they don’t comply with our Ads About Social Issues, Elections or Politics and Ads About Social Issues, Elections or Politics policies. This means that these ads aren’t running and will not be delivered to your audience.

What is it about protecting children that does not comply? I could not boost this post as an ad to reach more people and grow support.

I need you. Your kids need you. All kids need you. The movement needs you. Humanity needs you. God needs you as the hands and feet on earth. And, God loves the children, in which we all once were... born as infants. I do not believe child sexual abuse is God's plan or will but rather humanity's brokenness and evil at work. In fact, I believe God is ve·he·ment·ly against CSAM! Just because something happens in our life, does not mean God condones it, willed it or caused it. Evil does exist and people have free will. Children are designed to have a childhood while preserving their innocence for optimal development or intervening promptly for early healing. According to Alexandra Gucci, the average age someone discloses is 52 yrs old or around 30 years later after so much more damage from silence has been done according to a Adverse Childhood Experiences study (see free download of infographic of ACES here) . Whereas, healthy love is safe and has boundaries, such as outlined by C.S. Lewis in his book The Four Loves ! We need to teach kids about boundaries and healthy love so they can recognize a questionable encounter.

A Next Step is to learn more about this problem and share solutions with others so we can expand our reach with prevention edcuation.

Check out the current news clips below about Balenciaga's ads.
What do notice?
Do any headlines mention the child sexual abuse material (CSAM)?
Do the articles focus on the victim or the abuser?
How will the abuser show they are "sorry"? By apologizing? Paying money? What will change?
What will be the consequences for this CRIME, if any?
Is anyone writing about the victims/children in the photos being abused forever online?
What do their parents say about this? In fact, where are the parents?
What do presumptive politics and labeling have to do with the crime of sexually abusing kids?
Is child safety not a publicly universal and unifying moral to fiercely defend world-wide (although many countries practice pedophilia in the form of "child brides" and "dancing boys" or culturally the abuse is hidden, but widely practiced ).

For example, in the NY Post, how does the word "drama" equate to the evil of CSAM in these ads? Plus how does adding "conspiracy theory" help or change what we are seeing with our very own eyes - CSAM? Balenciaga BDSM drama sparks child devil worship conspiracy theory (nypost.com) ?

How easily are they missing the point - isn't it about the children? Who is rescuing them? Are they safe now? Who will help them heal? And, have the writers taken the time to research modern day Satanism ( Baal and Molech ) and ritual abuse to understand what they believe and practice, historically and yes, even today? What about Freemasonry as an example of secret societies - what's the secret? Why mock it without doing the research? Symbolism matters. When people say and do evil things, whether they call it "art" or not, we need to believe them. Simply type in key words and topics from this article - Balenciaga and the dark "stylist" Lotta Volkova - and do your own research in multiple search engines (as some seem to censor) from various writers and alternative sources. I wonder what you may find? You can empower yourself.

https://www.thecut.com/2022/11/what-to-know-about-the-balenciaga-ad-scandal.html

https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/brittany-aldean-throws-out-balenciaga-bags-following-controversial-ad-campaign-involving-children

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2022/11/28/balenciaga-campaign-ad-scandal-lawsuit-porn/

https://www.axios.com/2022/12/01/balenciagas-communications-blunder

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/chrisstokelwalker/tiktoker-sparks-balenciaga-teddy-bear-shoot-controversy

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/28/style/balenciaga-campaign-controversy.html

Balenciaga scandal – latest: Celebrities throw out ‘trash’ Balenciaga over child ad campaign (yahoo.com)

Balenciaga Photographer Breaks Silence Following Controversial Child Ad (newsweek.com)

Balenciaga suing production company for $25 million over controversial advertising campaign - ABC11 Raleigh-Durham

Balenciaga apologises for ads featuring bondage bears and child abuse papers | Balenciaga | The Guardian

Balenciaga scandal: what’s really behind the Fox News child ad freakout. (slate.com)

Balenciaga apologizes for kinky ad featuring children and harness-wearing teddy bears (nbcnews.com)

Balenciaga Apologizes for Its Disgusting Child Sexualization Ad, but Are They Really Sorry? – RedState

SEE IT: Jason Aldean's wife trashes her Balenciaga clothes over child BDSM ad | Washington Examiner

Balenciaga Wipes Its Instagram After Creepy BDSM-Themed Child Ads Go Viral (breitbart.com)

Balenciaga is suing the producers of its own ad campaign after facing backlash | WUNC

What do you think? What's next? Here is another photo to ponder - a mother dressed in a full body black Balenciaga body suit...with her child. What message is being sent to millions of followers on her social media? Healthy love? Or?

Kim Kardashian fans ask 'why?' as she masks up in scary 'gimp suit' for ex Kanye's party. Kim attended the second Donda listening party with her children (Image: Instagram/kimkardashian)

I appreciate all of you opening my newsletters, clicking on the "continue reading blog" button and visiting the WSG website as this encourages me greatly. In 2023, I will seek funding to accomplish five projects. If you are interested in learning more and want to help, please email me at kimberly@westandguard.com

1. Refresh the brand of WeStandGuard.com
2. Update the front and back matter of all books with conversational language
3. Send several hundred books, complimentary, to Pam Strickland founder of NC Stop Trafficking Now so she can giveaway to families in Pitt County, NC (she applied for a grant to fund this project because many cannot afford a book but we did not win it)
4. Find a social media expert for one year to increase visibility of WeStandGuard.com - Say "NO!" and TELL! books
5. Find a tech expert to help streamline my virtual organization, CRM, newsletters, etc to multiply my efforts per limited time and resources

I ask you to join me in prayer. Shall we begin by praying for the two little girls and one boy in these Balenciaga CSAM "photoshoots" to find hope and healing. Are they safe so this does not happen to them again? Where are they now?

Some Call it Child P*rnography (rather than CSAM)

Fri, 04 Nov 2022 20:03:17 GMT

But kids cannot consent!

Kids cannot consent!

This month is NO PORN NOVEMBER. When you hear reports of pornography's abuse, the law and media may use various terminology to describe the victim of "child pornography" mixed up in prostitution by naming a "young lady" rather than accurately reflecting the actual age by saying a girl, child or minor.

However, there is no such thing as “child pornography” which seems to imply consent - children/minors cannot give consent! Images with any visual depiction of sexually explicit conduct involving a minor (a person less than 18 years old) is specifically called child sexual abuse material or CSAM according to experts in the field.

Nevertheless, pornography of any aged person is sexual exploitation for all since very often, the acts are real abuse of the women (including children, teens and men) and other “performers” because the industry preys on the vulnerable and eviscerates human dignity. It's a predatory industry since they know pornography can be like a drug with an addictive nature (feels like you cannot stop even if you want to), which changes and harms the brain for buyers and consumers.

Did you know that 27% of older millennials say they started viewing porn before puberty ( Josh McDowell, The Porn Phenomenon )? In fact, exposing or showing pornography to a child/minor is an example of non-physical contact child sexual abuse, in which abusers may use for grooming kids and teens to normalize abuse. It is not a matter of if but when a child will most likely see pornography and be traumatized (some say average age is 8 yrs). Also, pornographic images of vulnerable men, women, teens and children through coercion or exchange of sexual acts for goods and services is known as sex trafficking.

Furthermore, according to The National Center on Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) , the CyberTipline has received over 82 million reports, reviewed over 322 million images/videos and identified over 19,000 victims of CSAM - how can this be?! NCMEC says:

"United States federal law defines child pornography as any visual depiction of sexually explicit conduct involving a minor (a person less than 18 years old). Outside of the legal system, NCMEC chooses to refer to these images as Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM) to most accurately reflect what is depicted – the sexual abuse and exploitation of children. Not only do these images and videos document victims’ exploitation and abuse, but when these files are shared across the internet, child victims suffer re-victimization each time the image of their sexual abuse is viewed."

How is it usually detected?

The usual way to detect CSAM is when cloud services like Google Photos scan uploaded photos and compare them against a database of known CSAM images. This database is provided by NCMEC and similar organizations around the world. The actual matching process uses what’s known as a hash, or digital fingerprint. This is derived from key elements of the image, and is deliberately fuzzy so that it will continue to work when images are resized, cropped, or otherwise processed. So, with this process in place, why is CSAM still happening all over the Internet?

What else are tech companies doing to stop this atrocity on line?

What can we do to dismantle this multi-billion dollar global industry? An article published by business news site, Quartz, tends to agree. The article places the industry’s value at anywhere between $6 billion and $97 billion, with the more realistic estimates ranging from $6 billion to $15 billion (Fight the New Drug blog) .

Who are the buyers and consumers of CSAM?

How can you be a voice to free an enslaved child?

This month's guest blog is written by Idalis Moscoso, Data and Policy Analyst at the National Center on Sexual Exploitation. This advocacy group meets every Friday with leaders across the nation to provide education and updates about legislative progress for ending CSAM and protecting children online. I asked her to write about simple ways to take legislative action for ending CSAM - check out her targeted suggestion below to make a difference and become a voice for the voiceless and defend the defenseless...our children.

Guest blog by Idalis Moscoso

Congress is currently in recess and will return on November 14th after the elections. From mid-November to Christmas, Congress will enter the lame-duck session, a period where most of this session's work will get done. As members of Congress prepare for the end of the 117th Congressional session, it is prime time for anti-trafficking and child protection advocates, parents, and community members to learn which federal bills are a priority.

No Trafficking Zone

A 2018 survey by Thorn on The Role of Technology in Domestic Minor Sex Trafficking found that 55% of respondents were in school while they were trafficked. More specifically, 26% were in school part of the time they were trafficked, 15% were in school most of the time, and 14% were in school the entire time they were trafficked.

In response to these findings, Texas passed the nation's first No Trafficking Zone Act ( TX SB 1831 ) in 2021. The Texas No Trafficking Zone (NTZ) law increased penalties for human trafficking if done on or within 1,000 feet of school premises or on or within 1,000 feet of a school-sponsored event.

In response to the Texas success, Representatives Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX), Michael McCaul (R-TX), and Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) introduced the No Trafficking Zone Act, HR 7566 , at the federal level to protect children across the nation. In September, the NTZ Act passed the House and was referred to the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Children are targeted because of their vulnerabilities and, far too often, are recruited in or near schools. The NTZ Act will protect our nation's youth at school!

Contact your members of Congress to say: SUPPORT the No Trafficking Zone Act !

Kids Online Safety

In 2021, the Senate Subcommittee on Consumer Protection, Product Safety, and Data Security, chaired by Senator Richard Blumenthal (D-CT), held five hearings on protecting kids online. The hearings discussed youth's mental and physical health due to unhealthy online environments that promote negative body image, self-harm, eating disorders, and the rampant spread of child sexual abuse material (CSAM, aka child pornography).

Senators Blumenthal (D-CT) and Blackburn (R-TN) introduced the Kids Online Safety Act (KOSA), S 3663 , to address Big Tech's inadequate safeguards for minors online. KOSA takes on a three-pronged approach:

Establishes a duty of care to ensure products are designed with the safety of minors in mind.
Requires safeguards to protect children from harmful material, including not allowing adult strangers to contact minors.
Calls for transparency reports from Big Tech to analyze whether their safeguards are adequate.

On July 25th, over 100 child protection organizations signed a letter of support to the Senate Commerce Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation to support KOSA, which it passed out of.

Contact your members of Congress to create a safer online environment for kids!

EARN IT

In 2008, over 600,000 recordings of CSAM were reported to the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC). In 2019, 70 million CSAM recordings were reported, with the New York Times calling it an "almost unfathomable" increase in criminal behavior. In 2021, over 84.9 million suspected CSAM recordings were reported .

The EARN IT (Eliminating Abusive and Rampant Neglect of Interactive Technologies) Act was introduced in the Senate by Senators Lindsey Graham (R-SC) and Richard Blumenthal (D-CT) and in the House by Representatives Sylvia Garcia (D-TX) and Ann Wagner (R-MO). EARN IT does four key things:

Gives CSAM survivors a path to justice.
Creates a new Online Child Exploitation Prevention Commission that will establish best business practices and make recommendations to inform policy.
Renames "child pornography" to "child sexual abuse material" in federal statute.
Upgrades tools for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.

CSAM has so overwhelmed law enforcement that the FBI can only prioritize material depicting infants and toddlers, not older children. EARN IT will incentive Big Tech to stop the rampant spread of CSAM, giving victims their privacy and assisting law enforcement in their efforts to combat this heinous crime.

Contact your members of Congress and urge them SPONSOR the EARN IT Act!

How Can Awareness and Connection Protect Children from the Harmful Effects of Cyberbullying...and Trafficking?

Tue, 28 Jun 2022 19:45:29 GMT

Most all kids are at risk due to Internet accessability...

Guest blog by Jenna Sherman

(see 3 additional short video resources from Kimberly at end of article)

Many people have experienced bullying at some point in their lives, and many parents will have to deal with their children being bullied too. With the internet connecting people all over the world and allowing the mask of anonymity to harbor bold actions, cyberbullying adds more to the problem.

Children are resilient yet sensitive creatures. Hurtful words and actions can be damaging to a young, developing brain. With additional hormonal changes and emotional immaturity, it’s no wonder children are so deeply affected by the trauma of bullying .

Here, We Stand Guard shares how you can support your child if you suspect they’re being cyberbullied.

Know Your Children’s Activity

You can’t always be there for every moment of a child’s life, especially when they’re at school or with friends. Internet access brings them into a whole new world of strangers and peers online who feel emboldened to cyberbully from behind the screen. Your child could be a victim without you even realizing it, but you can keep yourself in the know by checking their phones and learning how to spot the hidden communications and messages.

Teenagers have become experts at hiding their online activity, but it’s important you learn how they’re conducting themselves and with whom they’re interacting online. What are people saying to them, and how are they interacting with others? Are they being bullied…or perhaps, are they the bullies? This online abuse can lead to risks of trafficking as the bullying interactions grow increasingly painful and inappropriate making a young person vulnerable to seek comfort from a stranger - acting as a friend - online.

Have a Conversation

Monitoring isn’t the only way to learn about your child’s behaviors and online interactions. Having a conversation and allowing them to open up to you goes a long way. Talking about bullying helps prevent young people from seeking extreme measures.

Communicating with your child can help them open up. Because bullying is shameful for victims, it’s not uncommon for them to keep it to themselves. If a question can be easily answered in a “yes” or “no” fashion, that’s the easiest way for a kid to end the conversation. A question like, “How are things at school?” is too easy to answer with “fine,” and the problem remains hidden. Asking, “DId anything bad happen today?” lays the groundwork for a more pointed conversation.

You can also ask in a way that lets them talk about bullying before coming around to their own experiences. For example, asking about the atmosphere of the school and whether or not they’ve seen any bullying, and if anyone did anything about it.

Whether your child is on social media or using other apps , meaningful dialogue, emotional support, and guidance from a trusted adult can remove stigmas and open up a line of communication. It’ll show them you’re open to talking and that they’re not alone. Parents may seem like aliens to teenagers, so connecting with them can help bridge the gap that often prevents teens from speaking out when something is wrong.

Record the Proof

If the bullying reaches a point where legal action is necessary, make sure you document and record every incident. Once you learn your child is a victim of bullying, report the incidents to school authorities, administrators, counselors, and other parents whose children are involved. If you’re dealing with cyberbullying , online harassment, and abuse, then report the conduct to the site moderators for terms of service violations.

Obviously, it’s better to talk before it gets worse. What’s most important is to protect your child. In some situations, parents have taken more drastic steps, like removing them from those harmful situations. This could mean changing classes or schools, deleting their social media accounts, alerting teachers to keep an eye out, or teaching them to walk away and be brave. Help them restore their confidence by encouraging positive relationships, and discouraging poor self-talk and criticism , as well as discussing how to avoid this in the future, or what they can do differently if this problem were to crop up again.

Suicide Prevention

In the most extreme cases of bullying, victims are driven to the point of taking their own lives. The bullying—possibly combined with other triggers and mental health disorders—creates a situation in which the young victim feels despondent and hopeless. From their perspective, the only way to escape the pain is to end everything . When this happens, many parents are blindsided. They were unaware their child was suffering so much they felt suicide was the only option.

Be proactive with suicide prevention for your child, and look for its warning signs : depression, talking about death or harming oneself, expression of pain, feelings of hopelessness, alcohol and drug abuse, withdrawing, unusual sleep patterns, rage, and mood swings. When your child cries for help, listen. If they attempt suicide once, seek immediate help and take extra steps to watch over them.

If your teen is suffering from depression or a personality disorder that triggers abnormal thoughts, take steps to improve their mental health. A combination of medication, lifestyle modifications, and therapy can improve their condition.

Cyberbullying is relatively new in the timeline of bullying, but we can fight the problem before it hurts more of our children. The solutions we find will require creativity, forethought, compassion, and work.

As we learn to navigate the landscape of cyberspace, we can collectively keep children safe from its hidden dangers. The key to preventing future cyberbullying is paying attention, identifying the signs, and taking action.

A Note from Kimberly

Cyberbulleying and Trafficking

On line risks for kids are growing, with child trafficking vulnerabilities on the rise as well. Here are some resources to learn more (I will be posting an article about child trafficking, NCMEC, CSAM, and the EARN IT act soon).

1. Read Parent Alert! Police say "Lizzy" Groomed and Exploited 80 Children - a recent article by Donna Rice at Enough is Enough - https://enough.org/news/OFI5P097SQ6

2. Watch Bark's powerful video where a 37-year old mom goes undercover as an 11-year old girl - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbg4hNHsc_8

A 37-year old mom goes undercover as an 11-year old girl to expose the dangers facing kids on social media platforms like Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and Kik. Left unsupervised, young children can be exposed to online predators, grooming, and psychological abuse within minutes. For more information please visit:

https://info.bark.us/stonefish

In 2018 alone, Bark alerted the FBI to 99 child predators. In 2019? That number is more than 300 — and counting. Each of these cases represents a real child experiencing real harm, and our challenge is to help parents and schools understand this new reality. But how do we tell stories without asking families to divulge too much? We started this project to explain online grooming to a generation who didn’t grow up with this danger.

3. Check out and share this video called The Least of These: Save the Children (Rescue) (WARNING -SENSITIVE) - every small act of even sharing a post can help protect and/or save a child.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hv60gF164WY&feature=youtu.be

Will Justice Prevail?

Sun, 13 Feb 2022 00:13:10 GMT

Epstein and Maxwell Trials Tip of the Iceberg

Tip of the Iceberg?

Whether it’s called “Pedophile Island” or “Orgy Island” the convicted sex offender, Jeffrey Epstein, was facing up to 45 years in jail for serial sexual abuse of minors, although he died in his cell. His private jet is known as the “Lolita Express.” Lolita means a young girl who is sexually alluring, has a very sexual appearance or behaves in a sexual way , however children – aka a young girl - cannot give consent. The word itself is criminal. During his trial, the pilot provided flight logs to “Little St. Jeffs Island” at the US Virgin Islands property, for around 1000 flights listing the names of celebrities, politicians, supermodels, and the elite, but it was highly redacted. Why is this? Did justice prevail? ( First look at Jeffrey Epstein inside his 'Pedophile Island' lair - nypost.com)

His girlfriend, Ghislaine Maxwell, recently went through a trial. The jury in a New York federal court found her guilty on five of six counts related to her role in Jeffrey Epstein's sexual abuse of minor girls between 1994 and 2004. She was procuring underage girls to be sexually abused by the financier Jeffrey and others. Meanwhile, her defense is trying to declare a mistrial and avoid the upcoming 65 years of jail time to be determined this June...but we shall see. Maxwell’s infamous little black book including around 2000 high profile names remains sealed. Why is this? Has justice fully prevailed? ( Ghislaine Maxwell trial: Jury finds she sex trafficked a minor for Jeffrey Epstein, guilty on five of six counts - CNN and Ghislaine Maxwell’s little black book sealed by court | The Post Millennial )

I also wonder how much of this heinous and illegal Epstein-Maxwell enterprise was a lucrative and powerful world-wide blackmailing business? Or shall I say still is or may be? Time may tell…

How can we end child sex trafficking if we do not #stop the demand? Without revealing the redacted names on the Lolita Express and opening the sealed documents in the little black book for investigation and prosecution of the buyers, the trafficking abusers will remain hiding in the dark while this "business" grows world-wide. How long will trafficking continue to explode exponentially because of these cover-ups?

Super Bowl Trafficking

Does the above example seem too high affluent and far removed from our lives? Let's try another example closer to home and televised into our homes. The Super Bowl has become one the largest human sex trafficking events in our nation. National Center on Sexual Exploitation says:

“The Super Bowl and other large sporting events have become synonymous with sex trafficking, given that the conditions surrounding the event are conducive to increased exploitation and trafficking, particularly of minors.

Major events like the Super Bowl attract thousands of people to a “hotspot” where trafficked girls and women are coerced by pimps to sell and meet the demands of these visitors (i.e. perpetrators), mostly men.”

Dr. Stephany Powell, NCOSE Director of Law Enforcement Training and Survivors Services, highlights this:

“There may be difficulty of talking about human trafficking without really talking about ‘the elephant in the room’— the demand. The bottom line is that demand fuels the illegal sex trade. On average, U.S. sex buyers spend more than a hundred dollars per transaction. I want it to be understood that behind every trafficker there is a buyer. Curbing demand is the way to prevent sex trafficking.” ( https://endsexualexploitation.org/articles/reduce-trafficking-highlight-demand-super-bowl/?fbclid=IwAR3F2-vFfDjd1T34XX_ZWzi6w7gh1sm7hZMNgzSMqdM3MW7v2wY_sIUlY6U )

And Tim Ballard, founder of Operation Underground Railroad, does extractions to rescue kids - here is his interview with Fox News about the Super Bowl - https://video.foxnews.com/v/6295939980001#sp=show-clips

This IS happening in the USA - Our Own Backyards

According to Polaris Project, there are 25 million people trafficked worldwide. Freedom United says it is around 40 million – 70% labor and 30% sex – which generates an estimated $150 billion a year in illegal profits making it the 2nd largest international crime. Either way, 25 to 40 million is an ENORMOUS amount of people enslaved in this evil.

U.S. law defines human trafficking as the use of force, fraud, or coercion to compel a person into commercial sex acts or labor against their will. The Action-Means-Purpose (AMP) Model can be helpful in understanding the federal law. Human trafficking occurs when a perpetrator, often referred to as a trafficker, takes an Action, and then employs the Means of force, fraud or coercion for the Purpose of compelling the victim to provide commercial sex acts or labor or services. At a minimum, one element from each column must be present to establish a potential situation of human trafficking.

Essentially, human trafficking is exploiting a person often by recruiting, coercion, abduction against their will. Bonded labor is when someone is coerced into working but it’s a loan or debt that needs to paid off. Forced labor is making people work against their will. Child slavery is forcing a child into physical labor, domestic or sex slavery. The live-in migrant is isolated from protections in a regular workplace. Other examples include forced marriage, child slavery, human trafficking, domestic slavery, and products of slavery (Freedom United).

"The United States is again ranked as one of the worst countries in the world for human trafficking. According to a recently released report by the State Department, the top three nations of origin for victims of human trafficking in 2018 were the United States, Mexico and the Philippines." ( https://www.foxnews.com/us/human-trafficking-in-america-among-worst-in-world-report ). In 2020, 10,583 situations of human trafficking were reported to the U.S. National Human Trafficking Hotline involving 16,658 individual victims. Shocking as these numbers are, they are likely only a fraction of the actual problem. Map below has locations of human trafficking situations in the United States in 2020 (Polaris Project) . As you can see, child and human trafficking is happening in our own backyard! Simply search your county or state to find out your "report card" on child sex trafficking or human trafficking in general and you will see how close this impacts every one of us, hiding in plain sight.

Some human trafficking myths include:

Myth: Human trafficking is always or usually a violent crime.

Fact: Most traffickers use psychological means like tricking, defrauding, manipulating or threatening victims, often hiding in plain site.

Myth: All human trafficking involves sex.

Fact: Labor trafficking is more prevalent world-wide.

Myth: Only women and girls can be victims and survivors of sex trafficking.

Fact: Males, including young men and boys are trafficked and vulnerable as well.

Myth: Traffickers target victims they don’t know.

Fact: Many survivors have been trafficked by family members, spouses, parent and romantic partners.

Myth: Human trafficking only happens in illegal or underground industries.

Fact: Some industries with reported human trafficking include restaurants, cleaning services, factories, construction and more.

Myth: Human trafficking involves moving, traveling or transporting a person across state or national borders.

Fact: Smuggling involves crossing borders illegally, although survivors can be trafficked in their home towns and homes.

Myth: If the trafficked person consented to be in their initial situation, then it cannot be human trafficking or against their will because they “knew better.”

Fact: Initial consent or payment does not change the fact trafficking is a crime (as many are coerced, drugged, blackmailed, etc.)

Myth: People being trafficked are physically unable to leave their situations/locked in/held against their will.

Fact: Some victims stay for complex reasons, lack a way out, fear for their life/others and are so highly manipulated from being broken by traffickers.

(Polaris Project)

Join the Good Fight

There are around 2000 Anti-human trafficking organizations world-wide. One way to help is find a local organization to support with your time, money, resources, skills or prayers. I do recommend taking a deep dive into the orgs finances regarding what every dollar supports. And, do they have any accusations/investigations of using a fake anti-trafficking front to hide their actual trafficking business (another level of evil, I know)?

One organization doing amazing work is USIAHT. Here is their plea:

“We just had the Super Bowl in Los Angeles. And you know what grieves me? We just had the Super Bowl in Los Angeles.
And you know what grieves me? While America partied and enjoyed a halftime show, thousands of human trafficking victims were exploited this past weekend.

At the 2021 Super Bowl in Tampa, our partner It’s A Penalty saw a staggering impact: 146 arrests were made, 6 victims were recovered, and 18 missing children were identified. During the 2020 Super Bowl in Miami, 47 traffickers were arrested, 22 victims were found and assisted. And there was a 163% increase in human trafficking reports to the national hotline.

Collaborative efforts have proven effective in helping free victims from trafficking. Will you help our boots-on-the-ground efforts that will continue in Los Angeles beyond game day? Help Fight Human Trafficking Today ( https://usiaht.org/this-is-not-a-drill/ ) ”

Stopping Exploitation in all its Forms

All exploitation must end, whether it's child sexual abuse, child sexual abuse images (e.g. "child porn") and/or child sex trafficking - since they are all inter-connected. Many "porn stars" are exploited in their vulnerabilities with traumatic backgrounds and so the cycle continues with every click, and the porn industry gets richer. I pray that one day an army of people will rise up against all forms of exploitation even more so than any efforts put toward the next big sporting game, another vacation, scrolling through social media, or researching the next best movie (albeit none of these things are wrong and can be an outlet for much needed rest). Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s quote includes all people saying “The ultimate test of a moral society is the kind of world that it leaves to its children.” Additionally, I ask all of us, "what kind of world do we want to live in now? Are we not called to love and protect every child and not simply our own?"

You may have heard the phrase "speed of the leader, speed of the pack." If some or many of the elite leaders, politicians, celebrities, supermodels, clergy, secret societies, governments and churches are leading the way by hiding and fueling exploitation, then what are the actual numbers across the world from their followers covering up or joining in as well? Exponential, I fear since in India, they have child brides , in the middle east, they abuse boys on the street and shockingly, legalized incest still exists in various countries world-wide, to name a few. Another firsthand example is my mom was a lay counselor in the church for about 20 years and my parents supported missionaries in Brazil who were pastors to the pastors there. According to the missionaries' experiences, child sexual abuse runs rampant in the culture (if the wife is not feeling well for intimacy, etc. the husband will abuse the daughter instead).

Every child is a gift from God to all of us, yet the horrific abuse and commodification of babies, children and teens runs rampant. May this army of light and love rise up against child sexual abuse soon! Let us begin with the basic boundaries for kids and build a foundation by reading or sharing a Say "NO!" and TELL! book. Either you teach your kids healthy body/mind boundaries or the pornified world's messaging/Internet/others will teach them. Abuse and exploitations are no respecter of persons or socioeconomic status, especially because the prevalence of technology devices connected to the Internet in the hands of young people make almost all of our youth accessible to highly skilled predators pursuing them. One of my deepest concerns from when I began researching to write my books in January of 2015 , is certain our nation (beginning with certain states) lowering the age of consent...normalizing pedophilia. Have you looked up the legal age to marry in your state/all states lately? The Kinsey Institute claims that babies are sexual at birth and have tested as much - ABUSE! Keep an eye on the concept of the re-branded “Minors Attracted Persons” - a very slippery slope indeed, in my opinion (https://nypost.com/2021/11/15/allyn-walker-says-attraction-to-children-isnt-immoral/ ) .

I tried to add many links to this blog from various vantage points as we attempt to set aside political views, so you can read for yourself. It is not always easy finding true facts. Please do research more of this on your own using the Duck Duck Go search engine, which seems to censor less.

P.S. Why is Facebook rejecting my ad to boost this post which simply says WeStandGuard.com NEW BLOG - Will Justice Prevail? https://www.westandguard.com/will-justice-prevail ... and many others? Would you consider posting this blog to your Facebook page to help inform others...and protect more kids?

Trafficked Kids are being Rescued!

Fri, 30 Apr 2021 22:06:36 GMT

Have you heard about this?

SPECIAL REQUEST!
Would you please consider sharing this link/blog with your social media groups?
Facebook rejected all 5 of my various attempts/edits/revisions to boost this post
(or create into an ad) and share with new people.

How do we End the Demand?

I believe that learning the facts, supporting those in the fight against child trafficking and getting trained on the topic can help end the demand. It takes bravery to learn about this heart-wrenching truth...and the kids are counting on us.

The Facts

There is no such thing as child prostitution or child pornography because children cannot give consent, according to S haron Cooper MD, which Connect Safely . A more fitting term is child abuse and child abuse images.

Human trafficking is defined as forcing, fooling, or frightening someone into performing labor or sex acts for profit and it is estimated that about 40.3 million victims are enslaved worldwide ( Project No Rest ).

Traffickers groom a victim which leads to the “breaking in process.” Some grooming methods of traffickers can parallel the child abuser, especially since child sexual abuse includes both physical contact and non-physical contact, such as exposing a child to pornography. Grooming is when an abuser/trafficker gradually draws a victim into a sexual relationship with special attention, outings, gifts, isolating the child, filling the child’s unmet needs or roles in the family, treating the child as older, crossing physical boundaries, and using secrecy, blame, and threats to maintain control. Patrick Crough, author of The Serpent Among Us , notes five predatory phases including trust, courtship, seduction, offending and control.

Child sex trafficking is a world-wide problem and an "in our own backyard" problem as well. I live in North Carolina, which is among the top 10 states for human trafficking. WRAL posted an article stating that the geographic location of North Carolina contributes, in part, to the high number of trafficked victims since the center of the triangle is surrounded by Washington D.C., Charlotte and Atlanta, which are all hubs for human trafficking. Also, the state also intersects several major interstates, which facilitate sex and labor trafficking. The post goes on to say that in the past ten years, North Carolina has identified nearly 2,700 victims in the state.

Learn more about your state human trafficking statistics at the Polaris Project .

Arrests are Happening

Have you heard of this happening in the USA or our own backyard? If not, here are some links to learn more.

⚠️ 31 children. Texas. 2021

⚠️ 45 children. Ohio. 2020

⚠️ 72 children. Indiana, Ohio, Georgia. 2020

⚠️ 40 children. Georgia. 2020

⚠️ 150 children. Tennessee. 2021

⚠️ 1,000 children. Nationwide. 2015

⚠️ 27 children. Virginia. 2020

⚠️ 8 children. Indiana. 2020

⚠️ 3 children. North Carolina. 2020

⚠️ 168 children. Nationwide. 2014

⚠️ 7 children. Michigan. 2020

⚠️ 2 children. Missouri. 2021

⚠️ 80 children. Nationwide. 2017

⚠️ 8 children. Georgia. 2020

International:

⚠️ 1,675 children. India. 2020

⚠️ 50 children. West Africa. 2020

⚠️ 23 children. Mexico. 2020

⚠️ 46 children. Niger. 2020

Do you know of others? Let me know and I will continue to compile this list so we can see the progress being made.

Get Training

One resource for training is my friend, Jan Edwards, President of Paving the Way Foundation . She has trained over 14,000 children, teens, young adults and community members since January of 2017. They start with an Award Winning film, Trapped in the Trade , to disrupt what people think they 'know' about human trafficking. After the film they engage the audience in 'What if' scenarios and have them do the critical thinking, empowering them to prevent our children from being lured into this tragic life .

Students learn:

What is human trafficking and exploitation

Grooming and Recruitment tactics used

Apps and games where traffickers use

Signs of trafficking

Actions to take to prevent it

How can you join this fight?

Share the facts with a Say "NO!" and TELL! book?

Support one of about 2000 anti-human trafficking organizations world-wide?

Get training about anit-trafficking education and prevention?

Whether your next step is big or small to help fight child sex trafficking, it is significant! Your action can help answer a child's desperate prayer for deliverance from slavery...or help a child avoid it.

Boys can be victims of abuse too!

Sat, 06 Mar 2021 20:51:42 GMT

Let's protect human dignity for all!

Boundaries for Boys

While boys are young, teaching them how to recognize when to say "no!" and tell regarding a questionable encounter as well as respecting others' "no" in a general sense can help build a foundation for valuing self and others. Respect for human dignity can be seen as a two way street. Both boundaries for personal protection as well as conduct toward others. When a boy's God-given boundaries are violated by abuse, this trauma can make the world become very confusing.

According to Child Molestation Prevention Institute , statistics show about 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. About 2 of every 10 girls and 1 of 10 boys with be sexually abused before their 14th birthday (regarding physical contact sexual abuse). It's imperative that we teach boys basic boundaries, how to have a voice and when to say no to questionable encounters.

In my Say "NO!" and TELL! Training Grown-ups in Boundaries and Personal Safety for Kids workbook , I teach FIVE important concepts of saying "NO!" for kids to learn:

1. Saying "NO!" is a boundary or limit to stay safe. Use a firm or important voice to say "NO" or your loudest voice and yell "NO!"

2. Your job is to TELL a trusted grown-up right away, no matter who is trying the unsafe touch. Keep telling until someone believes you.

3. Telling is not tattling. You will not get in trouble.

4. If this is happening to a friend, TELL a trusted grown-up and keep telling until in stops.

5. Always remember, it is never you fault!

Also, teaching b oys to guard their eyes and ears from what you see and hear is vital - when someone shows a child pornography, that is a form of non-contact child sexual abuse, which is traumatizing.

When we teach boys to notice that "uh-oh" feeling that something is not right, they will build their instinct muscles. Boys need to understand healthy boundaries with kids and adults as well as recognize dangerous situations.

Here is Chris' story told by John from USIAHT ...
The Reality: Boys Are Trafficked Too.

Just a few weeks ago, John Long, program director of our Florida Safe Home, drove to Jackson, Florida to pick up our new friend. When John arrived, our new friend ran out the door and into John’s arms.

Touched by his excitement, John greeted him and asked him to get into the backseat of the car. As he drove away, our new friend asked him a curious question – “Are you nice?”

It would be a strange question coming from any ten-year-old – but from *Chris, it was heartbreaking. You see, Chris is a ten-year-old victim of sex trafficking. His body had been sold to anonymous sex buyers before we connected with him and brought him to USIAHT’s safe home. His immediate willingness to trust us and the frankness of his question were, considering all that he had been through, miraculous.

Not all victims are so candid or so trusting. Many are kept in trafficking situations not just through physical abuse and restraint, but through manipulation and deceit. Because of this, they struggle to recognize the fact that they are victims. Traffickers guilt them into feeling responsible for their actions – when, in reality, these young men are no more than children who have been exploited by adults who should have cared for them.

The plight of these boys is often overlooked in the media, where the focus is usually on women and girls. At USIAHT, we are striving to change this narrative, looking at the ways in which anyone – regardless of gender identity, age, race or nationality – can become a victim of human trafficking. We also strive to meet the unique needs of boys as they recover and prepare to re-enter society.

We ask for your prayers in the coming months. Prayers to care for *Chris and the other survivors at our Florida Safe Home, but also prayers for strength and wisdom as we strive to put an end to sex trafficking in America once and for all.

Thank you for your prayers, your support and for caring about this issue.

Yours sincerely,
Geoff Rogers, CEO & Co-Founder, USIAHT
Kevin Malone, President & Co-Founder, USIAHT

*The name has been changed to protect the privacy and safety of the survivor. Also, the image is not him.

Here is Charles story told by Dawn from NCOSE ...
This haunts me and I never want this to happen to another person.

When I was working at the Department of Justice, I met a young boy who I’ll call Charles.

He came from a broken family, suffered physical and sexual abuse in his home as a child and got no help from anyone. He didn’t even know how to ask for help or where to turn.

Then, one day “help” arrived. A man befriended him, gave him a place to stay, and a couple of meals a day.

Charles felt loved and secure for the first time in his life but it was all an illusion. Soon the man sexually abused him and forced him out onto the streets 12-15 hours a day selling his body. The man kept all of the money.

Not long after I met Charles, he died on the streets. I believe it was an overdose but I could not find out just what killed him. What a tragic life! He lived and died not knowing that anyone really cared for him.

This story haunts me, and I never want this to happen to another person.

At the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, we recognize that men and boys can also be victims of sexual abuse and exploitation in all of its forms. That’s why we launched an Out of the Shadows campaign to shed light on this underrepresented reality.

Thankful to serve with you in this movement,

Dawn Hawkins

Sr. Vice President & Executive Director

National Center on Sexual Exploitation

*The name has been changed to protect the privacy and safety of the survivor. Also, the image is not him.

Other eye-opening stories about male victims...
Disclaimer: Please be advised these articles outline details of sexual assault.

Accusations Against John Weaver a Reminder of the Sexual Exploitation Faced by Boys and Men
(NCOSE full article here)
The accusations of sexual harassment— including allegations which appear to describe the grooming of a teenage boy —leveled against John Weaver, co-founder of The Lincoln Project, represent yet another tragic reminder of a reality which has long gone underreported even as far too many people have lived it: 1) sexual abuse and exploitation are perpetrated in all areas and walks of life and 2) men and boys are far from immune to being victimized by it...

Actor Terry Crews Highlights Male Abuse In Light of Harvey Weinstein Scandal
(NCOSE full article here)
But recently, the topic of male exploitation received attention when Terry Crews contributed to the dialogue surrounding sexual assault in the entertainment industry tweeting about how he was groped by a separate prominent figure in Hollywood...

Professional Speaker Dr. Kevin Snyder Recounts a Sexual Assault Incident in College
(Campus Speak full article here)
This is My story of sexual assault and why I waited so long to reveal it. I am a 42-year old man, and I was sexually assaulted by another man in the fall of 1999. This is the first time I’ve publicly revealed the details of my traumatic experience in writing. I don’t remember everything from that evening, but what I do remember, I wish I could forget...

Let's empower OUR BOYS with boundaries today!
When you buy, read and share this Say "NO!" and TELL! book for boys (with adventures by Daxton the Dolphin and Sammy the Seal), you can empower a boy with boundaries forever...and he will know how to defend human dignity and help end the demand.

Exciting Announcement!

Fri, 06 Nov 2020 17:47:08 GMT

We have three NEW Say "NO!" and TELL! books to reach more kids!

Where did this vision begin?

I was a teacher for 15 years in several different states including CA, MI and NC. I have taught pre-school, 2nd, 4th and 5th grade in the classroom as well as K to 5th grade health and physical education plus coached gymnastics and volleyball pre-school through college age kids.

One place I taught was Clarkston Community Public Schools in MI, as an elementary health education teacher. I travelled between four elementary schools every week teaching over 1000 kids, while shlepping all the health materials with me. I even had to buy a 2 in 1 hand truck with snow tires to transport several times a day during the season of snow...I mean winter!

In the spring, I taught this unit called Personal Safety - prevention of child sexual abuse. The seven elementary schools had been teaching this unit for over ten years by the time I was introduced to it and I wondered "why I was not taught this when I was young?"

The approach was child-friendly and age-appropriate, which helped to cast a wide net for most all families' comfortability by simply focusing on the health skill of personal safety - boundaries for private parts. The content was refined while the delivery was outdated and this is where my vision began - to create children's books that are light, bright, colorful and full of positive life-skills to build (vs an antiquated fear-based health education approach) with a story plus scenarios to role-play for interaction and mastery.

Reaching all audiences is key to empowering every child!

Our goal is to reach as many kids and families as possible with boundaries and personal safety. Ever since the Say "NO" and TELL! books were launched in TX 2016 and over the past five years, the feedback has been encouraging and helpful. I have listened and made edits due to insightful feedback plus just launched a new set of books for secular audiences to reach more kids - thank you!

The We Stand Guard Program now includes Set I or Set II of three Say “NO!” and TELL! books. All books function as toolkits with options, so you can choose what best fits your needs and values.

NEW - Set I offers a health education approach for secular audiences (purple titles).

Set II offers the same approach with information for faith-based audiences (blue titles).

The NEW Set I of the Say "NO!" and TELL! books focus on education to prevent child sexual abuse and exploitation in all its forms, whether that be physical or non-physical contact abuse. All children need to know what to do during a questionable encounter; statistics show it may not be a matter of if, but when. Reaching all audiences is key to empowering every child.

Our health educator’s simple approach to boundaries and personal body safety for kids, guides the learning process at home, schools, sports and other youth organizations. The inclusive characters of Maisie the Monarch or Daxton the Dolphin, model boundaries and body safety strategies through creative adventures filled with fun science facts about their life cycles. Eight easy to understand role-play scenarios provide practical ways for kids and adults to practice critical tools while opening opportunities for natural dialogue. There is also a quiz for review.

Gifting a book can be life-giving!

As we approach the holiday season, would you consider ordering at least one NEW health education book and personally giving this life-giving gift to a local leader at a public school or secular youth organization in your community?

Ideas include:
- an elementary school (gift to the school counselor)
- a YMCA or Boys or Girls Club
- a daycare center
- an after-school care center
- a sport center where kids take classes

This significant act of generosity with your time, earnings and efforts may seem small, but can have a massive impact on the life of a child or many children for generations and years to com!

Please email me your story if you choose to give this way and I would be happy to follow up with that organization - we offer discounts on bulk orders!

Keeping a Closer Eye on Kids During COVID-19

Tue, 29 Sep 2020 21:12:26 GMT

How do you protect kids on-line?

Once a child sees pornography, he or she cannot un-see it. With so many devices, how do we protect kids from non-contact child sexual abuse of seeing pornography?

Check out this guest blog about the COVID quarantine effect on kids along with effective parental controls in this blog. The guest author is Susan Doktor. She writes on a variety of topics including technology, parenting, and education.

Keeping a Closer Eye on Kids During COVID-19

By Susan Doktor

It isn’t unexpected. But for many parents it is worrisome. (As if we needed more to worry about!) The global pandemic has influenced umpteen aspects of our kids’ lives—screen time is among them. By some estimates, kids are now spending six hours on average online, which represents an increase of about 50% since school closings, stay-at-home orders, and social distancing have become the norm.

Kids are also using a wider range of digital apps to communicate and otherwise amuse themselves. Who can blame them? Boredom is a distinct side effect of the coronavirus pandemic. But the challenge for parents is to keep kids safe no matter where their electronic meanderings may take them. Many parents may already be monitoring their kids’ messages —sometimes openly and sometimes secretively. But SMS text messages are only a small part of the picture now. Concerned parents may want to exercise greater and more precise control of their kids’ digital habits. And that may mean upgrading to more sophisticated parental control technology.

Blocking vs. Monitoring

Some of the devices and services we already use incorporate some control capabilities—the TV streaming services we subscribe to, for example. But those controls tend to be fairly rudimentary. They simply allow parents to block some categories of content or automatically limit their children’s screen time. They don’t necessarily monitor the kinds of activities or conversations kids are engaging in. That’s where separate, add-on parental control applications come in.

If you’re interested in further safeguarding your kids’ digital experience, you have a lot of choices. Before researching which service might be right for your family, take the first step of checking to see if any apps you weren’t previously aware of have been added to your kids’ phone menu. That’s important, because not all parental control apps cover all social media platforms and apps. WhatsApp, for example, has largely replaced traditional text messaging for some kids, but isn’t included in the list of monitored apps by all of the parental control packages out there.

Applications that provide parents the opportunity flexibility make the top of our list. Not all kids require the same monitoring scope or schedule and you may want to set different standards for kids of different ages. Screen time and bedtime are just two examples. If your kids have access to a variety of electronic devices, you’ll want to find an application that works across all of those platforms.

The door to the internet is wide open. Kids visit a lot of sites and it’s hard for parents to keep up with them. With some apps, parents are required to set up the sites they want to block on their own. The best parental control apps have sophisticated artificial intelligence built into them so they continuously monitor the content your kids download, no matter what site they’re visiting. They’re built to flag keywords that indicate when content may be inappropriate for viewing and send parents alerts whenever kids stray outside the limits you want to set.

Be in Tune with your Kids On-Line Activity

Kids can be capricious and moody. That’s to be expected, of course. But kids also sometimes shy away from sharing their feelings or talking about the stressors in their lives. Teenagers, who are trying to establish their independence, are notorious for that. But it’s hard to imagine a more stressful situation than living through a pandemic. So many parents are—quite reasonably—more concerned about their kids’ mental health now than ever before. Some parental control apps monitor the content of your kids’ messages and social media posts for signs that something may be amiss in your kids’ emotional and social lives. They look for and can alert parents to signs of bullying, violence, and depression, for example. Some apps that provide this type of content monitoring are customizable. You probably don’t want to be alerted every time your child expresses a sad thought, but absolutely want to know if he or she shows signs of being suicidal. With some apps, you can change settings based on your preferences to be alerted to every little thing or just ongoing dangerous patterns the app may detect.

Parental control apps don’t have to be costly. Some companies offer free versions of their applications, though they provide less flexibility and fewer features than the plans you pay for. But reasonably comprehensive monthly monitoring plans typically cost under $10 per month and allow you to monitor multiple devices simultaneously. Many parents will find that a small price to pay for keeping their kids safer and their own minds at ease.

Author bio:

Susan Doktor is a journalist and business strategist who hails from New York City. She covers a wide range of topics, including technology, parenting, and education. Follow her on Twitter @branddoktor.

Alarming Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) for kids says what?

Fri, 18 Sep 2020 18:08:08 GMT

The Kinsey Coverup of Child Sexual Abuse

The Dangers of CSE on Our Doorsteps

Have you noticed backlash against the Netflix movie Cuties plus numerous child sex trafficking's ring busts in the news lately?

Essentially, there is a war on children world-wide! One of the battles against children could be defined as

Preserving and protecting the innocence of children
with boundaries and personal safety
(preventing child sexual abuse)

vs

"children are sexual beings at birth" premise

by the Kinsey Institute (and seemingly an underpinning of the Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) agenda). According to Dr. Judith Reisman, the Kinsey fallout revolutionized sexuality with abominable research work by pedophiles who sexually abused multiple children as test subjects and concluded that children are sexual beings at birth.

We Stand Guard, LLC is part of a world-wide movement to stop child sexual abuse and exploitation in all its forms, which includes your support as well (thank you)!

To further this work, in 2018, my husband Randall and I attended the Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation (CESE) Global Summit to launch the Say "NO!" and TELL! training workbook. I remember hearing Kimberly Ells speak about the CSE agenda infiltrating nations and schools world-wide, exposing kids to pornographic concepts. As a friend and fellow child advocate, Kimberly has graciously offered to write this exclusive guest blog for the We Stand Guard readers so we can join forces to protect kids and strengthen families.

PLEASE NOTE MY WARNING: blog contains graphic sexual language, which IS a disturbing part of the curriculum FOR KIDS!

What You Need to Know About Comprehensive Sexuality Education
By Kimberly Ells

The day my daughter came home from school and told me her teacher recommended that she and her classmates contact Planned Parenthood if they were uncomfortable talking to their parents, I was deeply thankful I had talked to my daughter about sex before Planned Parenthood did. I also knew that day that my fight against comprehensive sexuality education—which I’d been fighting for the past six years—was far from over.

Comprehensive sexuality education is a graphic form of sex education infiltrating schools across the county, even at the earliest ages. School officials and legislators often adopt comprehensive sexuality education programs before fully understanding what they contain or the behaviors they promote. Comprehensive sexuality education (CSE) may be presented under appealing names (“human rights education,” “sexual abuse prevention,” “bullying prevention,” or “life skills programs”) but its core philosophies and content remain the same. Most CSE programs include some or all of the following elements:

• Promote sexual activity to children as a “right”

• Teach children to advocate for their “sexual rights”

• Teach children various ways to obtain sexual pleasure

• Teach children to sexually stimulate themselves

• Promote anal or oral sex to children or teach them these behaviors are safe

• Promote abortion as a right

• Denigrate the religious and cultural values of their parents or community

• Provide sexual counseling, information or services to minors without parental consent

Who Provides Comprehensive Sexuality Education Curriculum?

One of the largest purveyors of comprehensive sexuality education programs in the world is International Planned Parenthood Federation (IPPF). A major way IPPF advances their goal of achieving “sexual rights” for all youth is by implementing school programs that present sexual pleasure as an essential human right and then exposing children to graphic sexual materials. IPPF’s Exclaim ! document for youth says, “Young people…are entitled to sexual pleasure and how to experience different forms of sexual pleasure is important for their health.” (See Exclaim! at IPPF.org)

What Does CSE Curriculum Promote?

Here are some resources Planned Parenthood uses to educate children about sexuality:

· It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health. This children’s book contains graphic illustrations of both male and female children masturbating. The book shows illustrations of entirely nude men and women having sex, and of naked girls and boys in a variety of sexual situations.

· Sex is for ALL ages. “ Exclaim! Young People’s Guide to Sexual Rights: an IPPF Declaration ,” promotes sexuality at ALL stages of life stating: 1) “There is a common misconception that young people are not, or should not be sexual beings with the exception of…married young people or young people above a certain age. Sexuality is a central aspect of being human during all phases of each person’s life.” 2) “Sexuality and sexual pleasure are important parts of being human for everyone-no matter what age, no matter if you’re married or not and no matter if you want to have children or not.” 3) “Any limitation on sexual rights must be non-discriminatory, including on the grounds of age.”

What is “Age Appropriate” for Your Child?

Proposals for CSE school programs often seek to reassure parents and policymakers by using the words “age appropriate,” to describe CSE programs. But the sexual content IPPF and other entities consider “age appropriate” may surprise you. The International Guidelines on Sexuality Education (2009) promoted by United Nations agencies are intended to drive sex education programs taught to children in schools worldwide. The following are excerpts from the “Learning Objectives” in those guidelines:

Learning Objectives for Level I (ages 5-8)

• “Girls and boys have private body parts that can feel pleasurable when touched by oneself.” (p. 43)

• “Touching and rubbing one’s genitals is called masturbation.” (p. 48)

• “Masturbation is not harmful, but should be done in private.” (p. 48)

Learning Objectives for Level II (ages 9-12)

• “Relationship between excitement and vaginal lubrication, penile erection and ejaculation.” (p. 44)

• “Many boys and girls begin to masturbate during puberty.” (p. 44)

• “Steps for proper use of condoms.” (p. 51)

• “Definition and function of orgasm.” (p. 49)

• “Legal abortion performed under sterile conditions by medically trained personnel is safe.” (p. 51)

Learning Objectives for Level III (ages 12-15)

• “Respect for the different sexual orientations and gender identity.” (p. 48)

• “Both men and women can give and receive sexual pleasure with a partner of the same or opposite sex.” (p. 50)

• “Everyone is responsible for their own and their partner’s sexual pleasure and can learn to communicate their likes and dislikes.” (p. 50)

• “Access to safe abortion and post-abortion care.” (p. 52)

• Definition and description of the physical changes and stages of male and female human sexual response including orgasm. (p. 50)

As these excerpts show, comprehensive sexuality education is exactly what it claims to be: a comprehensive exploration of sexuality through explicit, pleasure-based curriculum. CSE programs minimize parental rights and values while emphasizing children’s rights to make their own sexual choices. Comprehensive sexuality education is a tool in the hands of a well-funded movement that seeks to transform the sexual norms of society through our impressionable children, and to turn a profit in the process.

Take Action

Here are three things you can do to protect your child and the children in your community from early sexualization through comprehensive sexuality education:

· Watch The War on Children at Stop.CSE.org . This documentary produced by Family Watch International exposes the international forces pushing CSE and what people around the world are doing to fight it. (Please watch out of the presence of children, as its content is alarming.)

· Go to ProtectChildHealth.org to learn what is happening in your state regarding CSE. Join with others in your area who are opposing CSE. Become vigilant at monitoring what is happening in your school district and at your state legislature related to sexual education and SPEAK UP. If CSE is already in your schools, seek to expose its content and advocate for OPT IN requirements to be put in place.

· Teach your children that if anything they are taught at school makes them uncomfortable, they can excuse themselves, contact you, and tell you what they were taught and why it made them uncomfortable.

As we take a stand against CSE in our schools and teach our children the truth about sex and gender at home, we can protect them from the onslaught of sexual ideology surrounding them and us.

Kimberly Ells is the author of The Invincible Family: Why the Global Campaign to Crush Motherhood and Fatherhood Can’t Win which exposes UN agencies’ widespread promotion of sexual rights for children.

Visit her on Facebook, Twitter, and at InvincibleFamily.com .

Additional Resources

VIDEO: Sharon Slater’s presentation at the 2018 Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation Global Summit addresses the global agenda to sexualize children through the schools and how it plays out in U.S. schools.

Protect Your Children, Protect Your Families toolkit from Family Watch International

FamilyWatch.com - You will find a wealth of information, resources, videos, and policy briefs here.

Resources from Proponents of CSE

Exclaim! Young People’s Guide to Sexual Rights: an IPPF Declaration - presents children’s “right” to sex as a human right for people of all ages.

SIECUS Guidelines for teaching sexuality to youth

Healthy, Happy and Hot - IPPF’s official resource on sexual rights for HIV positive youth (Warning: graphic content)

15 Apps Parents Need to Know About

Thu, 28 May 2020 00:00:00 GMT

It's time to fix app ratings!

15 Apps plus #FixAppRatings (Click here to get TWO FREE DOWNLOADS seen above!)

With so many kids at home during COVID-19, the vulnerabilities can increase for exposure to pornography, on line predators and harmful content, which can be traumatizing for youth. For example, 40 % of kids in grades 4-8 reported they connected online with a stranger. Of those:

53 percent revealed their phone number to a stranger
21 percent spoke by phone with a stranger
15 percent tried to meet with a stranger
11 percent met a stranger in their own home, the stranger’s home, a park, mall or restaurant
30 percent texted a stranger from their phone
6 percent revealed their home address to a stranger

(Children's Internet Usage Study, Center for Cyber Safety and Education, March 2019).

According to FixAppRatings.com, the problem is that "tech currently self-rates and has no accountability. No one is holding technology companies accountable for the impacts they have on our young people. Many apps popular with youth are incorrectly self-rated and include dishonest and generic app descriptions that deceive parents about the dangers kids face on these platforms. The National Center on Sexual Exploitation, Protect Young Eyes, Utah State Senator Todd Weiler, and child advocate Melissa McKay have started a movement to increase accountability in the current app rating system. We are parents and advocates who have had enough of Big Tech abdicating their duty of care toward children.

Something has to change. Large tech companies are not capable of self-regulating. Without accountability, profits will take priority over protecting our young people."

The FixAppRatings has joined the EARN IT! Act - sign here to take action!

And, the Madill Police Department in Oklahoma is warning parents about several apps that could be on their child's tablet or smartphone with 15 Apps Parents Need to Know About.

Here is more information about the risks of kids at home during COVID-19 regarding technology:

FBI Warning: Due to school closings as a result of COVID-19, children will potentially have an increased online presence and/or be in a position that puts them at an inadvertent risk. Due to this newly developing environment, the FBI is seeking to warn parents, educators, caregivers, and children about the dangers of online sexual exploitation and signs of child abuse. Read article here: " School Closings Due to COVID-19 Present Potential for Increased Risk of Child Exploitation ."

A Report of Undercover Work Catching Predators Exploiting children/teens (warning of explicit and sensitive content) : An article in Medium on line, titled "I’m a 37-Year-Old Mom & I Spent Seven Days Online as an 11-Year-Old Girl. Here’s What I Learned," says one highlight they found is that "the brutal reality is that a predator doesn’t have to be in the same room, building, or even country to abuse a child."

Tik Tok collecting information on children: TikTok hit with record fine for collecting data on children .

A Teenage Girl Abused and Exploited On Line: An article by National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE) sites how a 13 year old girl was abused on Instagram titled " 13 yo girl was abused and exploited on Instagram in her own home. It could have been prevented. "

4th Grader's Zoom Classroom Interrupted with Pornography: A Zoombombing trend is violating kids and learning with on line school in " Fourth grader’s Zoom class conference interrupted by pornographic video, Fla. mom says."

Enough is Enough Internet Safety Tips: Safety & Prevention: Introduction and Parent Controls .

E-Safety Commissioner has published this helpful: App E-Safety Guide !

Practical Ways to Protect Kids On line from NCOSE:

Safeguard Alliance Resources (see We Stand Guard LLC as a resource!)

" 5 Things You Can Do to Ensure Your Children are Safe Online During Quarantine "

Parent Controls and Guides

Five Internet Filtering Services

How to Turn on Google's Safesearch Mode and Restrictions

Take Action with the Earn it App

Human Trafficking Research Act of 2020

By working together, we are confident change will happen!

2020 Dirty Dozen List Revealed!

Thu, 06 Feb 2020 22:07:17 GMT

It's easy to take action with the National Center on Sexual Exploitation!

The National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE) is a powerful force in the fight to end sexual exploitation in all its forms!

But, what is sexual exploitation? This can include various forms, such as violence against women, sexting, sexual assault and violence, child sexual abuses, pornography, prostitution, sexualization of children, objectification, sexual addiction, sex trafficking, child sexual abuse images, male sexual exploitation to name a few.

NCOSE revealed the 2020 Dirty Dozen list today for download. This web page provides:

easy to use social media links to share
easy access to e mailing executives of companies
a watch list and past victories (THIS ACTION WORKS!)
as well as PROOF (TRIGGER ALERT), facts and tips for protecting kids (click on each company individually)

See description of Dirty Dozen list from NCOSE here:
No mainstream entity should profit from or facilitate sexual exploitation.

Unfortunately, many well-established brands, companies, and organizations in America do just that. Since 2013, the National Center on Sexual Exploitation has published an annual Dirty Dozen List to name and shame the mainstream players in America that perpetuate sexual exploitation—whether that be through pornography, prostitution, sexual objectification, sexual violence and/or sex trafficking.

The Dirty Dozen List is an activism tool that gives back power to individuals who want a voice in the culture. People can participate by taking easy online actions, from sending emails to sharing social media messages.

In today’s world, corporations drive our culture. They influence how people communicate, how they dress, and what information they receive. When a company makes a positive change to stop promoting sexploitation, it has a ripple effect that influences countless lives.

The Dirty Dozen List has a track record of uniting thousands of individual actions and targeting them to create monumental changes, such as policy improvements at Google, Hilton Worldwide, Verizon, Walmart, and the Department of Defense (see more below.)

I launched the Say "NO!" and TELL! children's books at NCOSE's Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation in Houston TX during the fall of 2016. This was a wonderful experience. This organization is located in Washington, DC and growing with dedicated staff exhibiting boldness, compassion, stewardship, innovation and... NCOSE's WORK IS WORKING WITH MANY VICTORIES!!!

I will keep this blog short because NCOSE's website has ssssooo much great user friendly content to read and at your fingertips actions to take! Please join us in this fight to defend dignity!

Know anyone set up by "the system" for abuse? By alcoholism or any -isms?

Mon, 09 Dec 2019 00:00:00 GMT

Some say "we are as sick as our secrets." What say you?

When I first began attending Al-anon meetings years ago, I learned that alcoholism is a family disease ( Al-anon is a faith-based 12 step recovery program for overcoming codependency when someone's drinking is bothersome, whereas AA meetings are for people overcoming their own excessive drinking or alcoholism). Alcoholism sets up an unhealthy family system increasing the risks and vulnerabilities of abuse. It affects not only the person who drinks, but those who care about him or her. The effects of this disease are often passed from one generation to another. When I heard a description of some of those effects, I recognized a profile of myself and our family dynamics of sorts. For the first time in my life I was with people who knew what I was going through. The only difference was, no one drank in my immediate family or home life - it was my grandparents drinking that apparently bothered me by skipping a generation. I grew up in a "dry alcoholic" home -- with a lot of love - - but also the broken communication, confusing relating styles and black and white thinking patterns affected by the family disease of alcoholism. Also, while teaching for 15 years and working with over a few thousand different kids and families, Al-anon proved to be a strong support for wisdom in interacting with every family type or school system, in which some suffer from the effects of alcoholism, whether it was the principal, teachers or parents. I may not have ever seen that person drinking excessively, but the dynamics, personality traits, signs and symptoms of alcoholism were certainly there!

Similarly, I learned in Celebrate Recovery (a Christian faith-based 12 step recovery program) that the harms of alcoholism can be replaced with any addiction or "- ism" such as workaholism, sexaholism, narcissism, perfectionism, rage-aholism, judgementalism, drug addiction, food or sugar addiction, codependency (or co-addiction trying to control people, places and things , especially in relating to someone addicted ) or anything done in excess when someone is powerless over it and life has become unmanageable internally or externally. Addiction or any "- ism" is no respecter of persons - rich or poor, educated or not, highly functioning or homeless on the streets, visible or invisible to the public - the hurts, habits and hang ups of addiction can be devastating to everyone in the family and communities. Consider "the systems of abuse" (i.e. sex trafficking rings, per say) set up by the addictions within Nassar and the gymnastics world , various church denominations , #MeToo in Hollywood , Epstein's Island and his black book of child abusers, where porn addiction, sex addiction and child sexual abuse has run rampant for YEARS!

And, healing and recovery are possible!

Throughout the years, Al-anon has offered me a way to do my part in breaking this family pattern, which can cycle through the generations - until someone STOPS it. I can get off the merry-go-round by choosing recovery (return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength and find or regain possession of something stolen or lost) . Also, I feel so grateful that many in my family at large and on both sides, are choosing healing and recovery as we all become healthier. Feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired can motivate us to share the "family secrets" with others in a safe place, such as an Al-anon setting, so we are not as sick as our secrets anymore. I feel so blessed because I have a safe, confidential and anonymous place to go in Al-anon meetings, 7 days a week 365 days a year to share my heart or any "secrets" that need to be healed in the light of others who listen with unconditional love. Do you?

Connecting the dots between alcoholism (or any "- ism") and abuse with a real life story.

Unfortunately, alcoholism and sexual abuse can go hand in hand. In fact, according to Adult and Teen Challenge , a big reason they helped publish Committed to Freedom, written by Sallie Culbreth, was to help students who were victims of sexual abuse – a major topic of concern, since a majority of women and men at Teen Challenge suffer from sexual abuse.

One courageous woman shares her real life story about recovering from the negative effects of alcoholism in her family, plus the harms from child sexual abuse.

______________________________________________

Anonymous Real Life Story - Part I (written by a 71 year old women, although she was in her late 30's when she wrote this reflection)

When I was 19 years old, my Mom died of a stroke. Her death was unexpected. She hadn't even reached her 50th birthday. Dad died ten years later, but his death was expected. Dad died of cirrhosis of the liver caused by excessive drinking. It took me a long time to realize what effect his drinking has had on my three sisters and me, and even my children.

We never talked about dad's drinking and never shared how we kids felt about it. As I look back, I realize Mom felt she had no other choice, but to put up a brave front to the world and pretend everything was fine. My Mom was concert pianist and my Dad was in sales. We lived with the appearance of having money, although so much of the money went toward alcohol, even though there were four girls to raise. Since we didn't talk about the problem, it didn't exist, and therefore had no negative effects on us as children. After Dad's death, my youngest sister developed a problem with rebellious behavior and excessive drinking, but I never realized how serious things were until the phone call four years ago. She was in the hospital detox center. She asked me and my sisters to go to a program about alcoholism.

I learned that alcoholics have a physical as well as psychological disease, which hurts not only the alcoholic, but intimate family relationships. With this information, I was able to see my Dad in a different light. Since that time, the Lord in His gracious and loving way, showed me how I, as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACA), was formed to act and re-act in life. There is a devastating effect on the children, and this disease even exerts a negative influence on the second generation, the grand-children.

Children raised in an alcoholic family learn even before they can comprehend, three basics to survival: don't talk, don't trust, don't feel. I have learned many things about myself as an ACA. When I do not trust, I am unable to trust God. Not only that, I had limited God in His power and love by confusing Him with my biological Father, the man who raised me. I have needed to deliberately separate my God-concept and my Father-concept, to know truly all the love and power of my heavenly Father.

We weren't allow to express how we felt because we had to be perfect for Mom. Mom was powerless to do anything about Dad, but she could work at making us perfect. Talking and feeling are related. If I didn't know how I felt, I couldn't talk about it. Now I am learning how I feel, and giving myself permission to feel, yet I struggle to express myself. It isn't easy because I haven't had much experience and negative feelings tend to surface rather than positive feelings. These days, I work at opening up to my loved ones, talking, and expressing my feelings. It is a struggle sometimes, but wonderful to get free from the denial of the past!

God showed me that the coping mechanism I use to survive is control. I need to make sure that people and events around me do not hand me any unexpected surprises. This is really a tough problem to overcome! So I work at turning people and circumstances over to God and I am gaining His peace. I thought my problems relating to others were solely from my Dad's alcoholism. I have realized that my Mom, in her reactions to my Dad, gave me a role model of control, denial of reality, and learning to react, not act to situations.

About the same time that I understood what the letters ACA meant, our church was sovereignly guided into a healing ministry for people sick in body and spirit, especially those who were raised in dysfunctional homes. When I realized this term described my background, God indicated that he had release for me and began the process which continues to this day. In a loving and non-judgemental group setting with Christians who are trained to this task, I have been able to express my pain and grief and anger toward my parents; to my Mom for denying the reality of alcoholism and to my Dad who was in bondage to alcohol. God is healing me and forgiveness becomes a natural process. I help minister to hurting people in our church and have been able to share the process of healing with others. I am able to share my past and help bring healing and release to others.

The part you don't know about is that I was also sexually abused by my dad. The reason this part does not show up in the above reflection during my late 30's is because I did not have memories of the abuse until I was in my early 40's.

Stay tuned for Part II of my story in an upcoming newsletter/blog - that is a whole other story to tell.

Meanwhile, I encourage you to share a Say "NO!" and TELL! book with a child. We cannot judge our insides against someone else's outsides. In other words, we may not always REALLY know what goes on inside the home of a child, when that door shuts for the night. One powerful way to make a difference is to share this prevention message through the Say "NO!" and TELL! books - what others do with it is up to them. However, our boldness may just help save or protect another child, which makes it all worth it!

What's the average age kids see Internet pornography?(quite young)

Thu, 17 Oct 2019 21:31:36 GMT

It's not a matter of if, but when a child sees pornography.

How do we preserve the innocence of kids, yet also prepare them for questionable encounters?

According to a study done by the American Psychology Association , "the average age of first exposure was 13.37 years of age with the youngest exposure as early as 5 and the latest older than 26." Some experts cite 8 to 11 years old as the average age kids see Internet pornography. When kids are are exposed to pornography, this is a form of non-physical contact child sexual abuse. Seeing Internet pornography at a young age can increase the risk of becoming not only a victim, but an abuser. A friend of mine recently shared that he received a call from parents who discovered that a 12 year old boy from another family had sexually abused their 4 year old son, who mentioned this to his 8 year old sibling. The 8 year old sibling told their parents. Can you imagine the phone call by the parents of the 4 year old boy telling the other parents what their 12 year old boy had done? How did this 12 year old boy learn about hardcore sex acts? I wonder if or how much pornography played a role?

Prevention is key! One way to preserve the innocence of kids is to prepare them for not if, but when they will see pornography so they have a plan to protect themselves and get help. I have a family member who is a professionally trained counselor . He recently shared about a family he was working with where the 9 year old brother was sexually abusing the younger brother. He had the family read a Say "NO!" and TELL! book as part of the recovery process. I met Melanie, a professional social worker in Washington DC, at the Child on Child Problematic Sexual Behavior Summit this past March 2019, who is also a mom of a six year old son. After learning about pornography's influence with kids abusing kids, she decided to read a Say "NO!" and TELL! book to her son.

Watch Melanie's 2 min video testimony , a mom and professional social worker!

What is pornography?

Highlights from The Porn Phenomenon by Josh McDowell show the harms of pornography have unique repercussions that effect all of us in various ways.

1. What is pornography? Pornography is made of two Greek words: porne means “prostitutes” and graphein means “to write about.” In today’s digital world, we have images of porn in both form and function. The form or the “act” and “content” of porn has changed from words into images, but the function or “intention” remains the same.

2. What’s the history of pornography? You can study the “Kinsey Fallout” by Dr. Judith Reisman ( drjudithreisman.com ) to learn about the roots of modern pornography.

3. We live in a “pornified culture!” Porn is an aggressive industry that targets 11- 14 year old since their brains are still forming and highly susceptible to addiction (response is 4 X stronger than adults).

Toddlers, children, teens, men and women are just one click away from pornographic or XXX “hard core” content with the high accessibility of Smartphones we carry in our purses and pockets. As pornography becomes normalized, it’s also become more explicit, violent, racist, humiliating, and dehumanizing, while focusing on aggressive sexual activity (i.e. 50 Shades of Gray). Consumption of pornography causes desensitization – in order to experience arousal, many seek ever harsher more violent and degrading images, plus it’s free online! Pornography is a public health crisis.

How does porn effect the brain?

Neuroplasticity means the brain is plastic and it changes just like muscles. It is modified by the behavior it produces. Pornography can change your brain. Viewing it releases dopamine and adrenaline and surges the reward system causing a similar reaction to your brain as drug use. Chemicals in the brain are powerful. Oxytocin can cause one to bond with fantasy and reject reality. The addiction footprint on the brain is atrophy in the striate or reward system – the more viewing per week, the more it changes. “An event which lasts a half a second within 5-10 min. has produced a structural change as profound as the structural changes one sees in (brain) damage…” (Dr. Gary Lynch, neurologist). Also, porn drives virtual reality (Oculus Rift) – multiplacisty porn is highly addictive (i.e. study Japan).

Consider the question"how long do you have to be away from pornography in order for your brain to recover from it?" An educated guess would be one or two years–similar to someone who ended drug use. It depends on where you are in your development, your age, and other factors. It also depends on what the reason for porn use was and whether the person has other addictions (Roberts, Hilton and Struthers at Set Free Global Summit, 2016).

Myths about Pornography

Parents have the awesome opportunity to lead their kids! Pornography has replaced the school, the home and the church as a source of sex education. Parents MUST think “I want my kid to hear from me before a friend, Internet, older kid or culture gets to him or her with pornography", per Josh McDowell! Sean McDowell debunks three myths in Kids, Teens and Pornography teaching ( Kids, Teens and Pornography, D6 Conference ) :

Myth #1 - “It doesn’t affect me.” The #1 place teens learn about sex is porn with scripts or messages saying: sex is best outside of marriage, all women want sex from men and women like all sexual acts demanded by men - just use force if needed.

Myth #2 - “I will quit later.” Sexual addiction is the hardest to overcome - it physically changes the brain plus neurochemicals surge forming new/deeper pathways – synapses that fire together, wire together. Avg. age of exposure to porn is 8 and 9 to 11 yrs. old.

Myth # 3 - “I am not hurting anyone.” Pornography is connected to sex trafficking – many porn performers are sex trafficked victims. Increased demand grows the increase in supply for victims of sexploitation.

Be Aware – many young people are not searching for it, but may search Star Wars and find the “Star Wars porn site.” Pornography is looking for them! Kids are marketed porn! Porn is sexual exploitation. Porn is a crime, not entertainment. About 88% of scenes in porn films contain acts of physical aggression and 49% of scenes contain verbal aggression. The “portrayed” abuse in porn scenes are real and many of the porn performers are sex trafficked ( www.strengthtofight.ca ). Sextortion is becoming a major problem with minor children/teens and becoming one of the biggest dangers to kids online – predators have access to our kids and teens ( www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2017/01/24/sextortion-becoming-major-problem-with-minor-children.html ). Don’t “trust” your kids/teens on the Internet without barriers – youth are a target market of porn.

Statistics about Pornography and Teens ( The Porn Phenomenon ):

•Largest consumer of Internet porn are 12-17 yr. old.

•18% come across porn weekly or more even when not seeking it

•80% of 15 to 17 yr. old have been exposed to hardcore pornography

•85% of teens/young adults who have viewed porn did so online

•37% of teens actively seek out porn once a week

•70% of boys and 23% of girls have spent 30+ minutes viewing online porn

•71% of teens hide online behavior from their parents

•32% of teens say ALL or most of their friends regularly look at porn

Kristen Jenson, author of Good Pictures, Bad Pictures , gives examples of how pornography targets kids:

•50 Shades movies (made $85M first weekend) messages in media that kids see and hear about from friends/culture.

•Musical.ly App connected to porn and needs privacy settings from predators (join The Halcyon Movement).

•Snapchat App’s “discover feature” connects to porn and “featured stories” at bottom of user’s “stories” page are sexually explicit (join the #NoThanksSnapchat campaign).

•Amazon website and App has access to porn in public libraries (i.e. child nudity) & porn book covers including Amazon's Kindle e-readers (join the #NotMyAmazon campaign).

•Anonymous Live Streaming Sites such as Omegle (known for child/minor predators) can lead to “sextortion.”

•Virtual Reality (VR) as Oculus Rift, HTC Vive, Samsung Gear and Sony Playstation has porn available for all platforms, which is a driving force for the VR experience (highly addictive!).

Together, let's decrease a child's risk of exposure to pornography and stop non- physical contact child sexual abuse. White Ribbon Against Pornography (WRAP) begins the last week in Oct 2019. Will you join the prevention movement and educate the kids and families you love by sharing a Say "NO!" and TELL! book this year? For example, in the scenarios section of both the Say "NO!" and TELL! kids books, I give an example of guarding your eyes while using Internet or Smartphones:

Guarded Eyes:

You are out with your family. While you and your friends are taking pictures with your smartphones, an older neighbor from home sees you and asks, “May we take a group picture together?”

SAFE!

It is safe to see and say, “Sure, we can all take a picture together as a group so we have this fun memory."

Unguarded Eyes:

You are out with your family. While you and your friends are taking pictures with your smartphones, an older neighbor from home comes up to you and secretly says, “Come over here and look at this picture I found on my smartphone of someone naked.”

UNSAFE!

Say “NO!” to seeing pictures or videos of private parts and TELL! It is not okay ( unsafe to see ) if someone tries to show you pictures or videos of someone naked (without clothes on or nudity ) whether it is in a magazine, book, camera, smartphone, computer or Internet. This can make a harmful memory.

Reading a Say "NO!" and TELL! book can be as easy as 1, 2, 3 - share this blog and help protect the next child today!

How Can Six Protective Factors Help Prevent Abuse?

Sat, 15 Jun 2019 22:56:41 GMT

Knowing what to do can make a difference!

What's Your Story?

Have you ever written out your personal life timeline highlighting milestones to see what kind of picture it paints? I imagine many of us have tremendous gratitude for the wonderful experiences mixed with challenges and sobering disappointments. This reflection exercise can be beneficial to help us understand our own upbringing in light of raising the next generation. What's healthy or unhealthy? What needs to change? What is my new approach? So often, we have an innate desire for the next generation to do better than ourselves - but how? What do we keep, start, stop or continue as parents, caregivers and professionals working with kids?

Melanie, a professional social worker in Washington DC and mom of a six year old son, has decided to start something new for the kids she works with as well as her own son a by reading a Say "NO!" and TELL! book with them. Watch her 2 min testimony as she takes one small, easy step by reading this book with kids and see how the ripple effect can have tremendous impact!

In the era of #MeToo, the dramatic rise of child and human trafficking, as well as the prevalent abuse of kids inside and outside the home, the desire among us to help the next generation is strong. One thing I believe we need to start doing is share the prevention message of boundaries and personal safety for kids to help prevent child sexual abuse with an empowering approach; not fear-based. So many kids and families are counting on us to love them in this way as we help protect the next generation together.

Have you heard of the The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Pyramid study? Have you answered the 10 ACE questions for your own life? This study reveals the vital importance of sharing the prevention message as well! In 2018, I attended the Resilience Screening , which outlines the research of a dangerous biological syndrome when toxic stress throughout childhood can trigger hormones that harms the body and development of children. This ongoing stress increases the risks for a myriad of problematic health and life issues.

The original ACE Pyramid Study was conducted at Kaiser Permanente from 1995 to 1997 with over 17,000 participants who received physical exams and completed confidential surveys regarding their childhood experiences with current health status and behaviors.

Female participants:

13% emotional abuse

27% physical abuse

24.7% sexual abuse

Male participants:

7.6% emotional abuse

29.9% physical abuse

16% sexual abuse

The ACE Study findings suggest that ACEs are strongly related to development of risk factors for disease and well-being throughout one’s life. Childhood experiences, both positive and negative, have a tremendous impact on future violence, victimization and perpetration, and lifelong health and opportunity. In fact, early experiences can be viewed as an important public health issue. Adverse childhood experiences have been linked to risky health behaviors, chronic health conditions, low life potential, and early death. As the number of ACEs increases, so does the risk for these outcomes. There are risks and protective factors for both victimization and perpetration. Check out the ten ACE questions here:

Prior to your 18th birthday:

1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?

2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?

3. Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever… Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? or Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?

4. Did you often or very often feel that … No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? or Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?

5. Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?

6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced?

7. Was your mother or stepmother: Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or Ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?

8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs?

9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?

10. Did a household member go to prison?

Practical Ways to I Implement the Six Protective Factors!

Knowing what to do, can make a difference! When it comes to family management, it is important to increase the protective factors in raising kids and decrease the risk factors, which helps minimize risky behaviors and builds strong communities. According to the CDC, protective factors may lessen the likelihood of children being abused or neglected.

According to Childwelfare.gov , they highlight six protective factors for healthy family management as they focus on Strong and Thriving Families .

· Nurturing and Attachment

· Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development

· Parental Resilience

· Concrete Support for Families

· Social Connections

· Social and Emotional Competence of Children

Nurturing and Attachment

It’s the little things that can make a real difference for kids – a smile, a hug, or an affirmation. Each day, children need meaningful eye to eye conversations with a parent by slowing down and looking them in the eyes plus listening and responding with love. Actually, there are 9 minutes during the day that have the greatest impact on a child: the first 3 minutes right after they wake up, the 3 minutes after they come home from school and the last 3 minutes before they go to sleep. Hug your child, straighten her hair, pat him on the back and say you are proud of him every day. A simple touch makes kids feel connected to a parent in ways that words never will. Actions speak louder than words! This relational-level protective factor includes a consistent relationship with caring adults which helps infant brains develop best and children’s bodies produce the right amount of growth hormones.

Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development

When parents understand childhood stages of development, the new milestones can be celebrated! Knowledge is empowering. Learning the stages of development for toddlers and children can lessen parent’s anger and frustration because of unrealistic expectations or seeing their behavior as negative. As a seasoned teacher of 15 years, the highly effective method I implemented for behavior management was Love and Logic . After teaching over a few thousand kids ranging from Pre-K to 5th grade, I requested behavioral assistance of administrators on several occasions – that’s it! This proven method of empowering kids to make their own choices and live with the natural consequences, both negative and positive was tried and true.

Parental Resilience

Proper self-care for parents is vital. Self-care for a parent could be seeing a family counselor to heal and learn better or new ways of living. When we take the time and make the effort to seek out our own healing, we inevitably can help the next generation heal too! For example, my mom was a pastoral counselor for about 20 years. She worked with over a 1000 people seeking to grow and heal through counseling since they were “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” One of the most important revelations she realized for herself and others was that an unrealistic expectation is premeditated resentment. This can be costly in relationships because at the root can exist anger, disappointment, lack of self-worth or blame, shame and loneliness at times. Healing those parts can be life-changing. When I asked her “what were the three main patterns you noticed of why people came to see you for counseling?” she named problems with marriage, kids or career. The marriage problems revolved around finances, lack of communication and dis-connection (e.g. emotional abuse or neglect), and unrealistic expectations. For example, a wife trying to get her needs met from her husband in ways that her mom and dad did not meet growing up. The issues with raising kids often stemmed from blindness to the parents' own unhealthy ways because of growing up with various dysfunctions, such as expecting kids to act as an adult resulting in frustration, anger and rage in parenting. The career challenges often came from not knowing “who you are” and trying to get one’s identity, emotional needs and affirmations met from work life rather than beginning with a sense of greater purpose and well-being founded by faith and relationship with a loving God. When we take care of our own emotional needs by healing from our past, we can have a better future.

Concrete Support for Families

Being resourceful can go a long way. Understanding how to navigate the information age and find helpful resources through books, workshops and support groups can be lifesavers. I am the author of three Say NO! and TELL! books teaching boundaries and personal safety for kids to help prevent child sexual abuse. The children’s books and parent/professional training workbook teach grown-ups the three-phase approach©:

Phase I - Teach kids general wellness with health and safety tips (e.g. nutrition and traffic or fire safety).

Phase II - Explain unique safety concepts such as boundaries and people safety.

Phase III – Introduce personal safety to prevent child sexual abuse.

All three books are toolkits with various sections full of strategies and content with concrete action steps so you can customize everything to your needs as a parent or professional working with kids.

Social Connections

Developing a network of emotionally supportive friends and family is a way to model emotional health for children. Choosing safe and trustworthy people in your community and network can show children that they have a choice when making friends. Positive social interactions benefit the whole family, especially when going through a challenging time such as moving, divorce or other risk factors.

Social and Emotional Competence of Children

Have you learned how to speak your child’s love language yet? Often, we love others the way we want to be loved, which may not fit what each family member or friend needs or perceives as love. One resource I recommend is the 5 love Languages of Children , by Dr. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, MD.

Let's Help Write the Next Generation's Stories by Sharing a Prevention Legacy

The wide-ranging health and social consequences of risk factors and ACEs demonstrate the importance of preventing them before they happen with protective factors. Will you join us in growing the prevention movement by sharing a "Say 'NO!' and TELL!" book with a family or kids’ organization to help prevent child sexual abuse? A next easy step is to get your FREE download of the Personal Safety Family Plan! Let's help write the stories of the next generation in positive ways by empowering them with prevention tools today! The kids and families of the future generations to come will thank you!

Steps to Teaching Boundaries for Kids and Help Prevent Sexual Abuse

Mon, 15 Apr 2019 17:40:43 GMT

Parenting can be joyous, but also challenging. Learning prevention tools, such as boundaries and personal safety, can bring peace of mind when raising a child in the current era of #MeToo. Knowledge is power, which can dispel fears. And, learning the facts can be empowering for the whole family so no one is blindsided by grooming tactics or hidden abuse. For example, sexual violence is becoming more common. Let’s look at some recent statistics from the National Sexual Violence Resource Center:

One in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before they turn 18
34% of people who sexually abuse a child are family members of the child

April is National Child Abuse Prevention month . We can join this prevention movement by arming kids with personal safety knowledge and skills to help protect them from being victimized.

Here are some child-friendly tips that can help your child know what to do during a questionable encounter:

Talk about body parts - Use proper names for the parts of the body. Talk about them often and teach your little ones to feel comfortable using the proper terms to describe their body. This can help a child clearly describe if something inappropriate were to happen.
Set boundaries for the body - Explain which parts of the body are private and that they are not for everyone to see. Tell them that only safe caregivers and trusted grown-ups can help with cleaning, physical care and every day living when they are young (with the exception of their doctor examinations for healthy check-ups while mommy and/or daddy present). Make it clear that no one should touch their private parts OR ask them to touch somebody else’s private parts (this includes other family members, friends, etc.). If ANYONE ever tries an unsafe touch, then that person is no longer safe. TELL right away until someone believes you and makes it stop!
Build trust - Make it clear that they will never get in trouble for telling you a body secret. Body secrets are not ok and they should always tell you if someone tries to make them keep one. Set an environment of calmness and openness at home so that they will be more open to sharing.
Have a code word - Have a code word to use when he/she needs to get out of an uncomfortable situation without anyone knowing. If something that feels wrong is going on, let them know that it is ok to ask to leave and to say “no”.

Parents, it is important to start these conversations early! At We Stand Guard , we teach safe boundaries, empower our kids and liberate the next generation by helping to prevent child sexual abuse. The We Stand Guard training program teaches boundaries and personal safety strategies to children, grown-ups, the whole family and youth organizations! Check out our website to learn more!

How Can a Big Problem - Kids Abusing Kids - Include a Simple Solution?

Fri, 22 Mar 2019 22:41:11 GMT

Caption: Did you know that 1/3 of all Internet traffic is pornography? And, 90% of pornography includes aggression and violence. Plus, the global conglomerate of pornographers targets kids, since they know it is addictive, which makes them a multi-billion dollar industry.
What is your plan to protect the kids and teens you love from seeing pornography (which is child sexual abuse) and preserve the innocence of generations to come?
- - Therapy is good, but prevention is better (Dr. Layden) --

PSB Among Kids is on the Rise - How Can This Be?

Have you ever had to face a problem that seemed insurmountable? Well, you are not alone. Dealing with the joys and difficulties of day to day living can be challenging enough without additional big problems to tackle, such as Problematic Sexual Behavior (PSB) among our youth - kids and teens abusing kids. As we see the direction our hyper-sexualized culture is heading, my heart aches for the children to know there is a different way - a better way of saying "NO!" to the false messages and pressures from all forms of pornified media, which can groom kids for being sexually abused or abusing others.

PSB is on the rise among kids. A big contributing problem is the increase of kids being exposed to pornography, which is traumatizing and a form of child sexual abuse. Today's pornography is not only pictures of "naked ladies," but is mostly hard core pornography with 90% containing aggression and violence. Once kids are exposed, some of the those hurting and traumatized kids act out the pornography by abusing and hurting other kids.

I just returned from a two day trip to Washington DC to host a Say NO! and TELL! book booth at the National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE) Symposium which addressed child on child harmful sexual behavior. I met amazing parents and professionals seeking to understand this unfathomable trend, as well as discuss real solutions to help prevent child sexual abuse, but also stop kids from abusing other kids. Nearly 100% of the speakers emphasized that PREVENTION is KEY, including the importance of protective factors! Setting all politics aside, amidst #MeToo, our nation is seeing intervention and recovery for victims, which is a powerful movement for healing. However, NOW is the time to ALSO champion PREVENTION so we can stop the abuse cycle! One key takeaway I learned was that kids who abuse other kids have often been sexually abused themselves, although a kid that was sexually abused does not automatically abuse others (not a causation). Here are some other things I learned:

According to Jane Silovsky, Ph.D., typical sexual development for youth exists on a continuum - normal, concerning, problematic and harmful. Sexual behaviors in youth can become problematic when there is a difference in power and control, increased focus and frequency, intrusive, forceful, and fear. PSB is not a clinical diagnosis, but shows clinically concerning behaviors. Youth are vulnerable to pornography since 1/3 of the Internet traffic is pornography. Prevention includes building the protective factors, education, addressing the youth's trauma and treating pornography use with a multi-disciplinary team approach including child and parents.

According to Gail Dines, Ph.D., kids today are image based, whereas when we grew up, life was print based. Internet porn is changing kids brains (addiction skips the frontal lobe decision making part) as well as teens' views on sex. We have an entire generation of boys and girls being traumatized and sexually abused by seeing porn (not a matter of if, but when a child will see porn). One porn producer said, "girls [porn performers] come to the set porn-ready." Gail interviewed child rapists and found that the average time to rape an actual child is 6 months from the time of downloading child porn. They said they actually prefer adult partners, but were just bored with that. And, they confessed that the culture did a lot of the grooming for them because of our "perp culture." The porn industry works like a Fortune 500 company and has a sophisticated business plan. In fact, Mind Geek, a multi-billion dollar company or the "Amazon of porn," controls 80 to 90% of the porn world-wide (e.g. Porn Hug website). - - A great concern is how to close the Parental Naivete Gap! - -

According to May Anne Layden, Ph.D., hurt children can hurt other children. The PTSD from sexual abuse and assault can be as great or more as trauma from war. Sibling abuse happens 2 to 5 x more than father - daughter incest. Kids often learn how to abuse from seeing porn or being abused themselves - both of which is child sexual abuse. It is rare that kids are deviant, but rather need to enhance the positive protective factors so they heal and learn healthy ways of connecting and relating to help restore their youth. Today, there is almost universal exposure to porn for kids with "pornified learning" because the brain learns best with pictures, rewards, role models and anonymity. Internet porn is full of lies, mis-education and is pathological including 90% aggression and violence in content. Male abusers often believe that women's bodies are sexual entertainment for men. One of the greatest lies is the "permission giving beliefs" that porn is normal. Therapy is good, but prevention is better!

Here is a link to the actual speakers at the NCOSE Symposium for FREE!
WARNING - PLEASE BE ADVISED THAT ALL PRESENTATIONS CONTAIN HIGHLY SENSITIVE INFORMATION. ALSO, SPEAKER GAIL DINES FREQUENTLY USES INTENSE LANGUAGE WITH GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS throughout her presentation so please proceed with caution:
Website: https://endsexualexploitation.org/cocsa/
Or Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/325635930

Keeping it Simple

So often, amidst these challenges of combating evil and healing our brokenness as a culture, we long for peace...and peace of mind, no matter what our age and stage in life. One easy way to have greater peace of mind is to do something very simple and make a difference - give away or read a Say "NO!" and TELL! book with a child and spread the prevention message. When you share a Say "NO!" and TELL! book, you can help protect an entire family for generations to come! Here are some examples of others spreading the prevention message:

*My new friend, influencer and mom, Brittany, shared a post on Instagram, reading a Say 'NO!" and TELL! book with her young daughter, Selah.

* My friend, Susan, shared a post on her Instagram and helped over 1000 of her followers learn about prevention!

* My mother-in-law buys the books in bulk and gives them as baby shower gifts.

*My friend, DiAne, buys the books in bulk and shares them with families she meets through church and the chiropractor office where she works.

* My mom and dad buy the books in bulk and share them through my dad's dental practice.

* Others I know from going to conferences (the aforementioned plus) in the "prevention movement" have collected bulk post cards or flyers about the Say "NO!" and TELL! books so they can pass them out at their speaking engagements.

*Personally, I carry the Say "NO!" and TELL! post cards in my purse and whenever I see parents with a child, I give them one. In fact, this past Halloween, I stood outside our neighborhood's club house for several hours passing out these post cards; I was pleasantly surprised that most every parent was truly grateful that I shared a way to protect their kids with them.

Beyond family and friends, we also have new partners sharing the Say "NO!" and TELL! books! Be Broken , Crossroads Fellowship , Enough is Enough and Wake County Network of Care have all added the Say "NO!" and TELL! books to their websites. And, there are more partners to come soon...Josh McDowell Ministries, National Center on Sexual Exploitation, Stop Trafficking Project, USIAHT, National Decency Coalition, Engage Together, and White Ribbon Week Against Pornography will be adding the Say "NO!" and TELL! books as a prevention resource as well!

A Simple, Yet Significant Solution

"Often the biggest problems can have a simple solution" (Cheryl Scanlan, Founder of Promised Land Living) . The problems of PSB, child sexual abuse, pornography, sex trafficking, etc. are massive, complex and very real - an imminent threat worldwide (a s well as in our own backyard, the United States) to humankind at this point in history. And yet, one simple and SIGNIFICANT solution is to go on the offensive TOGETHER and empower kids by teaching boundaries and personal safety with a Say "NO!" and TELL! book. We can help protect the next family forever... for the good. Let's get the conversation of HOPE started today! I know I gain hope and strength from all of you - the We Stand Guard Army - as we link arms together to protect kids! Dr. Layden said it best, "therapy is good, but prevention is better!"

Personal Reflection: What is one big problem in your own life that may have a simple solution? Have you asked God to show you the way?

Top 3 Things Gained from The We Stand Guard Books

Fri, 15 Mar 2019 00:34:45 GMT

The We Stand Guard training program teaches boundaries and personal safety strategies and tools to children and grown-ups entrusted with the care of children. Shining the light into the darkness of child sexual abuse by spreading the message of prevention through boundaries and personal safety training takes bravery.

There are three Say “NO!” and TELL! books that are part of the We Stand Guard boundaries and personal safety training program. Two children’s books and a training workbook are designed as toolkits with options, so you can choose what best fits your needs and values.

The books, written by Kimberly Perry, include:

Say "NO!" and TELL! Maisie's Creative View of Personal Safety for Girls. Discover Maisie Monarch’s creative view of Personal Safety in a child friendly story form, full of imagination and adventure.
Say "NO!" and TELL! Daxton's Creative View of Personal Safety for Boys. Discover Daxton Dolphin’s creative view of Personal Safety in a child friendly story form, full of imagination and adventure.
Say "NO!" and TELL! Training Grown-ups in Boundaries and Personal Safety for Kids. With this training workbook, grown-ups working with kids will learn how to safeguard against child sexual abuse and to recognize and properly respond to questionable situations.

Based on numerous testimonials and reviews of the books, families who have read the books have gained countless tools for teaching girls and boys about personal safety.

Specifically, here are 3 of the most common things gained from reading the We Stand Guard Books:

Ways to Communicate . The books provide amazing examples of how to frame conversations with your children, grandchildren, or any kids in your care. With the help of these books, you can begin to talk about things that are often difficult and for which most people are inadequately prepared.
Strategies for Personal Safety . In both the Maisie and Daxton books, the helpful scenarios provide a way to role play safe vs unsafe situations, including possible questionable encounters, and come up with ways to empower young girls and boys to speak up and protect themselves.
Surprising Statistics. In the workbook for parents, we share many important statistics that may surprise you. By knowing the facts, you will be empowered to help those around you. For instance, did you know, 90% of child sexual abuse happens by someone the child knows" (D2L.com)?

At We Stand Guard , we teach safe boundaries, empower our kids, and liberate the next generation by helping prevent child sexual abuse. Contact us to learn about our training program, including the three books described above. ( Available on Amazon )

How do I Help Kids Set Their Own Boundaries with Others?

Tue, 19 Feb 2019 13:36:21 GMT

Teaching your child to set boundaries is very important because we all must learn to self-advocate as part of growing up and learning independence. Parents won’t always be there to take care of us. A parent’s job is to equip kids with the necessary skills to self-advocate.

Here are 4 ways to help your kids set their own boundaries with others, including adults:

Be a role model . Kids often look to their parents for cues on how to behave. For your guidance on empathy and self-awareness to stick, it’s important to practice what you preach. When you speak to your spouse, a friend, or even a stranger, children are picking up signals on how to interact with others. Another way to model the behavior you are teaching is to reflect out loud to your kids about what feels comfortable and doesn’t feel comfortable to you.
Respect limits on offering affection . Kids should be allowed to decide for themselves if they want to show affection and not be forced by parents if they’re uncomfortable. Just because a grandparent insists on kissing or hugging, it’s ok to come up with something else your child can do instead. Something they are comfortable with such as shaking hands or giving a high-five. Really listen when your child tells you what is, and isn’t, okay with them. We often dismiss our children’s boundaries without realizing it, but we need to take their requests to heart whenever possible.
Practice “what-if” situations . Ask your child what they might do or say in certain situations. It is often helpful to give them several key phrases they can use to self-advocate. For example, you could ask, “What are some ways you could let Tommy know you don’t like it when he hugs you without asking?” Go over some simple phrases your child can use to advocate for himself such as “Please stop.” “I don’t like that.” “It’s my turn now.”
Review “get-a-grown-up” scenarios . While our goal is to teach our children to advocate for themselves, there will be times along the way that need some grown-up intervention. And that’s ok. Talk about some examples when your child might need to find a parent or teacher or other grown-up to help. Examples include someone who’s hitting, pushing, or just playing too rough, a child who won’t take “no” for an answer, or a situation that feels unsafe or uncomfortable.

Helping kids get comfortable advocating for their boundaries early will help them do so in the future when the stakes can be much higher. At We Stand Guard , we teach safe boundaries, empower our kids, and liberate the next generation by helping prevent child sexual abuse. Contact us to learn about the We Stand Guard training program, including two Say "No!" and TELL! children's books and one training workbook for grown-ups.

What are Your Top Three New Year’s Resolutions as a Parent?

Wed, 06 Feb 2019 19:59:48 GMT

With the turning of the calendar, many people think of changes they want to make in the new year. From eating healthier to starting a new exercise program, resolutions are all about creating a better version of ourselves. How can we be better as parents? We are often too quick to be critical of ourselves and forget all of the wonderful successes of the past year. As part of setting goals this year, be sure to give yourself credit for what you’ve already accomplished.

Here are our 3 favorite New Year’s Resolutions for Parents:

Re-phrasing from negative to positive – Try to reduce the number of times you say “don’t”. Instead of saying “Don’t throw your food on the floor”, try saying “Please keep your food on the table”. By re-phrasing to focus on the positive – what they should do – it will create a more positive environment overall. And then when you need to use “don’t” for something important, it will be more impactful because they don’t hear it constantly.
End your work day and turn off notifications – With technology surrounding us, it is easy to get caught up with work, especially with emails and notifications continuously alerting us. Set a specific time and put an end to your work day. Then, you can be completely present with your children, husband, and family activities. You’ll likely feel a better work/life balance. And you will likely be just as productive at work when you approach things with a fresh perspective each morning.
Make one dinner – Before having children, it is easy to think “of course my children will eat the same meal as me.” But in reality, it becomes “easier” to avoid the arguments by giving your children their own meals. This adds extra time spent in the kitchen and extra stress of planning separate meals. Challenge yourself to 2-3 days (and then eventually 6-7 days) of making one dinner – for the whole family.

At We Stand Guard , we teach safe boundaries, empower our kids and liberate the next generation by helping to prevent child sexual abuse. Our training program teaches boundaries and personal safety strategies to children and to grown-ups entrusted with the care of children. Check out our website to learn more!

Safety Procedures for Young Children Outside of the Home

kimberly@westandguard.com (Kimberly Perry) — Thu, 31 Jan 2019 00:00:00 GMT

As parents, leaving our children in the care of other adults is inevitable. We cannot physically be there every hour of every day as they grow and develop. Especially as they grow older, more and more people will become part of their world. From daycare workers to church volunteers and school teachers to sports coaches. It is vitally important for them to interact and trust others. They will grow socially, emotionally, and academically with these relationships.

We must make personal safety a commonplace term, especially as our young children are with adults outside the home. We Stand Guard has developed a boundaries and personal safety training program. Children can be in a safer environment when adults working with children have received this training and practice these prevention strategies.

3 safety topics to help keep young children safe outside of the home are:

Multiple adults present: There should always be multiple adults present when working with groups of children. Most daycares, churches, and drop off centers have a policy that states the number of adults required to be present based on the age of the children. Ask questions and stop by unexpectedly to be sure they follow the safety guidelines.
Red flag behaviors : Keep an eye open for red flag behaviors in your children and those around your children. Watch for things such as being overly anxious, withdrawal from friends and family, and complaints of headaches or other pains. While these might not indicate a violation of personal safety, they do justify further inquiry.
Safe touch vs unsafe touch : Teach your children about safe touches such as hugs, good-night kisses, high fives and friendly tickles. Make sure they understand the different between these affectionate actions and unsafe touches. Unsafe touches include hitting, grabbing, and hurting someone, as well as when someone tries to touch their private parts or wants them to touch his/her private parts. Understanding the different kinds of touch and what is acceptable from any adult is imperative to personal safety.

There are three Say “NO!” and TELL! books that are part of the We Stand Guard boundaries and personal safety training program. The children’s books and the training workbook are designed as tool-kits with options, so you can choose what best ﬁts your needs and values. Read more about our books and contact us to get started with your training workbook today!

No one told me that was p*rnography… AND abuse. Read a real-life story…

kimberly@westandguard.com (Kimberly Perry) — Sat, 12 Jan 2019 20:20:36 GMT

Talk today for a safer tomorrow to help prevent child sexual abuse and the harms of pornography – BUT HOW?

This article is part of Talk Today, Safer Tomorrow, a national campaign from The Safeguard Alliance and the National Center on Sexual Exploitation to help parents protect children from the harms of pornography. Get your FREE download guide – Talk Today, Safer Tomorrow! 10 Easy Conversation Starters . #TalkToYourKids #TalkTodaySaferTomorrow

A Survivor’s Story - A Real-Life Account about Neighborhood Kids' Hidden Vulnerabilities

Ever since I have written the Say “NO!” and TELL! books, so many people have told me their stories of surviving child sexual abuse, which has included the harms of pornography as a root problem as well. One friend wants to share her real-life story with us (anonymous and names changed) about the impact of both – child sexual abuse and pornography – to help protect the next child.

___________________________________________________________________

When I was 6 years old (first grade) and my brother was 8 years old, the abuse began and happened for possibly a span of two years during after-school care. A neighbor woman kept kids (around 7 of us under the age of 10 years old) after school. Her teenage son, Sean, had graduated from high school; he was the abuser. These were people the neighborhood trusted, and this family ate many meals with my family, including Sean. Sean took an interest in the children and helped us with homework. He taught me how to tie my shoes. He would play outside with us. Mrs. D, the childcare woman, would greet everyone at the door, but she was never around or maybe she would be in the kitchen, but completely inattentive. Mr. D was retired military and watched TV downstairs. No supervising adult was watching the kids. Later, Mrs. D would see us out the door saying all kinds of compliments as if she had been caring for us.

Due to chronic asthma, I couldn’t run and play outside like most kids. I was often put in Sean’s room to take a nap or rest. That is when Sean would come in and show me the pornographic pictures in the magazine and sexually abuse me by saying “now we are going to do this.” I was isolated and did not know the other kids were being abused until years later. To get away from him, I would make myself have asthma attacks so I would have to go to the hospital or stay home from school. I missed 32 days of school in first grade.

To ensure our silence, Sean killed the neighbor’s dog – a German Shepherd – and told the boys if you tell anyone, I will do this to your sister and told the girls I will do this to your mommy. I remember not telling my parents because I wanted to protect my mother. One day I found a pornographic magazine and showed it to Sean’s dad and told him, “Sean does this to me.” In response, he stared at me in disbelief and it seemed like he could not breathe. The next day, I refused to go back to Sean’s house. My brother stayed with me as we waited for my parents to come home from work. We were disciplined harshly because my mom said we scared Mrs. D by staying away. My brother even attempted to tell my dad that Sean was abusing him, although he did not have the literal vocabulary to explain abuse. My dad told him to toughen up and just walk away from Sean. We soon realized that after telling Sean’s dad and our dad about the abuse, nothing about our situation was going to change.

The abuse affected me in many ways. First, something died inside me after I was abused. It was like something snapped in my head. I thought, “if I love my mom, Sean might kill her.” I stopped loving anyone because I thought, “he will kill them.” I could not be held or hugged. I would not give a hug. I dealt with the pain and shame through isolation, eating disorders, depression and withdrawal. I had many thoughts of suicide and running away.

Second, I dressed like a boy and tried my best to behave like a boy. I cut my long brown hair and wore my brother’s hand-me-downs clothes. I did not think Sean would do this to boys, so I tried to become a boy thinking it might stop.

Third, a battle for control ensued between my mom and me. No matter how hard she tried, I would not wear “girl clothes” any longer than I had to. I even intentionally ruined dresses and anything frilly. Later, we began a battle over food. She expected me to eat what was on my plate. In my search for any sense of control in my life, I began to throw up after meals or refuse to eat at all.

Fourth, the abuse took away my voice. The threats of killing our families by actually killing a dog in front of us as an example silenced me. And, the disbelief of Sean’s dad and my dad further robbed me of my voice. Also, I could not explain what was being done to me because as a 6-year-old, I literally did not have the words.

Fifth, no one believed me, so betrayal and depression plagued me. As an adult, I did try to tell my childhood pastor, and he said it was my fault for letting it continue to happen. I left that meeting wanting to kill myself, believing it must have been my fault. I journeyed further into the darkness of shame.

Lastly, my brother and I realized we were both abused by Sean. After I gave birth to my first child at age 28 years old, and he was holding my baby, he said “if anything happens to her, I will kill him!” At that moment, we both realized the other one had been abused. About a year later, we started talking about this. Unfortunately, at the age of 49 years old, my brother committed suicide. I believe the pain and shame from abuse was just too much for him to bear any longer.

The main insight I want you to know is how effortlessly Sean blended into our lives because of his deception. My parents had complete trust in Sean and his parents as our caregivers. Our family rule was to listen to and respect all adults – do what you are told! Sean would use this against us and even repeated this rule back to me when I tried to resist. Strategically, he never mentioned body parts or verbalized what we were doing. Plus, my parents never dropped in unannounced to check on us. They would call when they got home, and my brother and I would walk home. We never talked about what happened during after-school care.

Where am I today? I am alive and thriving. With help and encouragement from a friend, I began counseling through group therapy in a faith-based ministry. This helped me walk a path of healing and forgiveness. I choose to walk alongside women as they heal from the effects of abuse. My voice has returned with laughter and joy.

If I had read a Say "NO!" and TELL! book when I was a young girl, this could have made a difference in my life because I would have had a chance to develop my voice as a young child. I would have had the language to say the words of what was happening, including the body parts. My family would have had a communication plan, so my brother and I could have felt safe to tell them the truth of what was happening. Additionally, my brother and I plus the 5 other kids may have been spared years of abuse from Sean. My brother had later told me that Sean would take the boys back in the woods and show them pornography. Also, Sean may have been arrested so that no other kids were hurt for the rest of his life. The only reason the abuse ended was because Sean and his family moved away quickly and unexpectedly; a reason for the move was never given to us.

If this has happened to you or someone you know, I want to encourage to tell someone until someone believes you, so you can live life without fear and shame from the painful secret of abuse. And remember, it was NOT your fault!

___________________________________________________________________

Three Ways to Train our Children with Prevention Inside and Outside the Home

Sean had a real problem with pornography and sexually abused children with it. Whether many lives are harmed, or one single life is devastated by the harms of pornography, the damage can be life-altering, significant and pervasive for both the abusers (e.g. addiction) and victims. Child sexual abuse includes both physical contact and non-physical contact (e.g. showing a child pornography); therefore it is vitally important to train our children while they are young about the harms of pornography plus the threats of child sexual abuse by teaching boundaries and personal safety.

The first way to empower your child is to create a Personal Safety Family Plan as a preventative measure (download this FREE resource). This tool will help your family determine a code word for danger, list safe people to contact, remind everyone of the basic safety premise for children: remember to say NO! and get away if you can, tell and keep telling until it stops; take a stand! TM It is important to have a plan so children know what to do during a questionable encounter whether they are at home with someone they know or away at summer camp making new friends. Sometimes as grown-ups, we may feel intimidated about how to even begin the conversation. The good news is there are child-friendly ways to discuss boundaries and personal safety with young children (e.g. without getting into reproduction prematurely) in order to protect them early on. Building that bridge of communication can strengthen the parent-child relationship as well as hold organizations accountable for appropriately interacting with children while in their care. Disturbingly enough, with the easy accessibility to pornography for children and teens, instances of a child abusing a child or a teen abusing a child is on the rise. Not only do we want to empower and train our children so they avoid becoming victims of child sexual abuse, but our society must consider the threats and ramifications of pornography creating young abusers, since young children will not understand what’s even happening in those pornographic images.

Second, I created a new educational resource call Say “NO!” and TELL! Training Grown-ups in Boundaries and Personal Safety for Kids for this very reason; to empower children to be safer outside their homes. As parents, we can train our children inside the home by reading the Say “NO!” and TELL! children’s books (Maisie Monarch for girls or Daxton Dolphin for boys) with a child and teach them what to do during a questionable encounter, but what about once they leave the home for an activity? Will the coaches, teachers, music teachers, camp counselors, babysitters, and teens understand boundaries and personal safety for kids? For example, one helpful tool inside this training workbook is the “Protocol for Interacting with Children” posters that can be displayed for everyone to see throughout a youth or sport organization. Setting the proper expectations is vital for young teens and grown-ups to know what to do and what not do while interacting with children, such as how to handle bathroom procedures. Also, what common language is permissible with the children regarding boundaries and personal safety? And, what are the reporting procedures for suspicious actions?

Third, reading a Say “NO” and TELL! children’s book with a child for in the home training can empower the entire family for a lifetime as well as the next generations to come. After teaching boundaries and personal safety to over 1000 children in the schools, I was inspired to write these children’s books, which are toolkits with various sections including a story, scenarios and solution strategies so every family can customize their own boundaries and personal safety training at home. I researched the tactics an abuser may try with a child and created the Scenarios section including eight positive life skills (i.e. what is privacy?) for a grown-up and child to role play together with a safe or unsafe situation. Rehearsing and role-playing life skills such as saying “NO!” are key because this positive practice can prepare a child with options to handle a negative and questionable encounter.

Children, Families and Youth Organizations that Talk about Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse (including Harms of Pornography), can be Safer!

So many brave men and women have told me their own personal stories of surviving child sexual abuse, including the harms of pornography, that I created a series of We Stand Guard blogs highlighting “real life anonymous stories” that debunk myths. I believe it is important for the survivors’ voices to be heard so we can all learn from each other, heal together and do something positive through the pain by helping to prevent abuse in the next generation. If you are interested in finding out a way to share your anonymous story with me so we can create a blog post for others to learn from your experience, please email me at Kimberly@WeStandGuard.com .

Plus, get your FREE download of Talk Today, Safer Tomorrow – Ten easy conversations starters for talking with kids about the dangers of pornography and join our national campaign today!

How do I Teach Kids About Stranger Danger and Non-Stranger Danger?

kimberly@westandguard.com (Kimberly Perry) — Sat, 29 Dec 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Stranger danger is a catchy phrase that has been widely promoted for decades. It is intended to sum up the danger associated with adults whom children do not know and who could potentially be dangerous. However, emphasizing stranger danger overlooks a much more concerning problem - 90% of the harm done to children is by people they already know, not strangers ( D2L.com ). So, what we teach our kids about strangers isn’t as black and white as “stranger danger” since we also need to include non-stranger danger or safe vs. unsafe people in general.

Here are three ways to teach your children about strangers:

1. Learn the Facts – Stranger danger is such a catchy phrase and it has been repeated for decades; it may seem hard to change our mind about strangers since non-strangers are also potential threats. But the facts are key - 90% of abused children know their abuser ( D2L.com ). We must empower our kids with wisdom about safe vs. unsafe people who can be either strangers or non-strangers as well as how to safely interact with others by teaching them boundaries and personal safety with everyone.

2. Practice Talking to Strangers – While you are with your children, have them practice talking to strangers. It helps them develop good social skills and gives them confidence in figuring out who they can trust. After the interaction, talk about the conversation with the stranger to learn from the experience and discuss the concept of people safety or safe vs. unsafe people.

3. Facilitate Open Communication – Create a culture in your family of open communication. While some topics may feel uncomfortable to discuss with your children, as a parent, it is vital to facilitate open communication. It is important to discuss topics like personal safety, people safety and acceptable boundaries.

In life, there are countless times when it’s good to talk to strangers. Talking to strangers – whether in line at the grocery store, at coffee shops, or while getting the oil changed in your car – allows us to feel more connected to others around us. Kids can get a lot of early practice talking to strangers because everyone is a stranger in the beginning. With your guidance, they can develop the confidence and understand the necessary caution when interacting with strangers as well as non-strangers because they will better recognize a questionable encounter. At We Stand Guard , we teach safe boundaries, empower our kids, and liberate the next generation by helping prevent child sexual abuse. Contact us to learn about the We Stand Guard training program, including two Say "No!" and TELL! children's books and one training workbook for grown-ups.

How can an abuser hide in plain sight? Read a real life story...

kimberly@westandguard.com (Kimberly Perry) — Mon, 01 Oct 2018 00:00:00 GMT

#MeTooPrevention: a 5th real-life story

Self-Care vs. Threats, Bullying and Intimidation

Children can learn from what we say and even more by what we do. Self-care is so important to role-model as well as teach the younger generation so they can learn to be healthy and interdependent rather than codependent. For example, self-care can include physical needs (adequate sleep, food, exercise), emotional health (sharing feelings, conflict resolution skills, verbal expression), healthy relationships (support, love, quality time), as well as a strong spiritual foundation by understanding God's unconditional love for us and every child, etc.

In general, we want to raise polite and respectful kids, however when a questionable encounter or dangerous situation happens, it is vital for kids to know what to do, such as say "NO!" to a grown-up or TELL someone else to get help. Instilling self-care and self-esteem within kids can help empower them to realize they have value and options to counter an abuser's attempts to threaten, bully or intimidat e them, whenever possible.

Roll-play safe vs. unsafe scenarios!

It is so important to train our kids early, because the negative effects of child sexual abuse can be long-lasting (D2L.com) . This is why I researched tactics an abuser may try toward a child and turned the tactics into eight positive life skills in the Say "NO!" and TELL! children's books for families to role-play together. The scenarios section provides eight stories to rehearse and role-play a safe or unsafe situation, which can help build kids confidence, tools and skills for handling a questionable encounter. Here is an example of a scenario to practice:
_____________________________________________________

Excerpt Scenario #7: Self- Care vs. Threats p. 20

Self Care Mini-story: The lifeguard blows his whistle and says it is time to get out of the pool and take a break from swimming. Your babysitter hands you a towel and says, “Dry off really well and get dressed in the locker room so we can grab dinner at the café.”

This can be SAFE! It is okay to take a towel and dry off at the pool with your swimsuit still on and take care of yourself by changing clothes in a private area in the locker room with a grown-up nearby.

VS.

Threats, Bullying and Intimidation Mini-story: The lifeguard blows his whistle and says it is time to get out of the pool and take a break from swimming. Your babysitter has a towel and says, “I will hold this towel up and help you take off your wet swimsuit so we can grab dinner at the café. If you don’t change clothes here, you will skip dinner and I’ll tell your parents you did not go to bed on time.”

This is UNSAFE! Say “NO!” to threats about private parts and TELL! It is not okay if someone demands that you take off your bathing suit or clothes in public - this violates (breaks) your privacy. A threat of withholding dinner or anything you need (not letting you take care of yourself properly) is wrong. It is not right for anyone to pressure or lie about you to get something they want – this is bullying and intimidation. TELL your parents right away or a trusted grown-up if this happens.

How would you take care of yourself if someone tried to threaten, bully or intimidate you about anyone’s private parts?

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A Real Life Story...

Our next anonymous writer shares about abuse that was hiding in plain sight from everyone because her step-dad used threats, bullying, intimidation and manipulation to control her. This story debunks the myth that sexual abuse of kids may have obvious or visible signs and symptoms somehow, but rather often remains hiding in plain sight because the vicitm is sworn to secrecy by threats.

***TRIGGER ALERT***
***Please be advised that this blog contains a sensitive story***

When I was 5 years old, my life changed forever…my parents divorced with my Daddy leaving on Christmas morning. I remember the confusion and the fear that swirled around me as I watched my two grown parents crying and telling me to be a big girl. Little did they know that soon I was to be treated like a “big girl” or, rather, a grown woman, by my soon to be stepfather.

My parents both remarried different people when I was 6, and my stepfather had already been sexually abusing me. He would take me shopping and tell me he would buy me something after he touched me in very private places, while manipulating me to comply and interact with him completely in this physical way. As a young girl, my stepfather forced me to participate in almost everything sexually, short of intercourse. Being terrified of not seeing my mom again, I felt I had to oblige him, which was horrifying.

He told me to never tell of this, as it was just “special” between us. He told me that God had brought him into my life to teach me how to be a good wife when I grew up. He also told me that if I ever told, no one would believe me, that my mom would go crazy and I would be left all alone with just him. Having my dad leave and move two hours away from me made me believe that this was possible - that I would truly be alone - and my parents were not able to protect me. He also told me that what we were doing was wrong, and God would punish me for participating in sexual acts with him. This was so confusing, and if I would trip, or slam my finger in a door, or some other form of accident, he was quick to point out and relate it back to “karma” for what “we were doing.” The psychological impact of that was pure confusion! I was alone and I thought even God was punishing me?!??!

The effects of this abuse caused me to shut down and to live a dual life. I can look back now and see how I stuffed my feelings and was not allowed to feel them. My step dad was very physically abusive as well and terrorized me whenever he had a chance to do so. If I was at all defiant, I was choked until I submitted. If I cried, I was beaten on the side and back of my head until I stopped. I was not allowed to cry unless there was blood.

So I didn’t know how to relate very well to others. I was isolated and became only able to survive. I was determined to survive as I knew there was more for me, more than this abusive, horrible life. I wanted to control areas of my life and the only thing I could do was to overachieve, and to create a huge contrast with what happened behind closed doors in the dark of night or when he barged into the bathroom while I was showering or in the tub. I became involved in many activities: 4-H (became president), basketball, volleyball, and track. I worked to get straight A’s in all of my classes. My life outside of the home was where I could exercise some form of control in my life. The abuse continued until I left home at age 18.

I was afraid of boys. Dating terrified and at the suggestion of anything sexual, it terrified me and made me think that all men were not interested in me, only for what I could do for them. In my heart of hearts, I knew this to be untrue, but I could not find evidence of it anywhere! Relationships with boys frightened me, but I so desperately wanted to date and to be asked out,but was terrified at the same time.

I had a hypersensitive “startle reflex” and to this day do not enjoy being scared. It feels very invasive and, as a mom of three boys, they have all been mystified by my response to them trying to scare me. I get mad, and they don’t get it. Through the years of healing, I’ve been able to release that terror and have a more appropriate response to being startled. When I did enter into psychotherapy at the age of 20, I had to learn all about feelings and begin to understand a simplistic list of “mad, sad, glad, ashamed, and afraid” on my 5 fingers. Three rhymed and two began with A. I had shut myself off from feelings for so long, I couldn’t articulate them when asked.

I believe reading a Say "No!" and TELL! book would have helped me because it would have helped me to hold onto that little voice inside of me that said this is wrong and someone out there knows it too. It would have encouraged me to tell my story and to keep telling it until someone believed me and would make it stop. A book like this is so valuable to stopping the generational effects of sexual abuse. I have learned that incest and sexual abuse goes back in my family line at least 4 generations. A book like this in any one of those generations would have equipped the victims to stand and tell, and to put an end to the horrible cycle of abuse.

I am so grateful to Kimberly Perry at We Stand Guard to write this book, to get the message out there and to help stop the cycle of sexual victimization of children. Children are our most precious gift and hold the Hope of the Future for our world. We must protect them and Stand Guard together. This book needs to be in every library and in every classroom, and every Sunday School Room across the nation!

My child will never see pornography (but HOW will you know?)

kimberly@westandguard.com (Kimberly Perry) — Mon, 13 Aug 2018 23:43:09 GMT

#MeTooPrevention: a 4th real-life story

Pornography is a Real Threat

Children and teens have instant access to the Internet, which opens up a world of possibilities for learning and connecting with others. However, the potential for the Internet's good also has an equal and opposite capacity for harm such as the traumas of seeing pornography. Young people may be innocently researching a homework project, such family heritage, and the pornographers often trick kids with website URL addresses that are similar to an educational one, but really it is pornography. Also, predators can pose as "friends" on social media and gain access to children and teens, which can expose them to the threats of sex trafficking.

We can begin to know more by arming ourselves with the facts about pornography! Let's begin the conversations around "guarding your eyes" early on and build a bridge of communication so children know it is safe to come and tell you anything, especially if they see pornography, which is increasingly becoming more hardcore. Some abusers also show kids and teens pornography as a way to groom them for sexual abuse in the near future.

Three important points for parents of children and teens:

1. Parents have the awesome opportunity to lead their kids! Pornography has replaced the school, the home and the church as a source of sex education. Parents MUST think “I want my kid to hear from me before a friend, Internet, older kid or culture gets to him or her with pornography, according to Josh McDowell, in the The Porn Phenome non .

Highlights from The Porn Phenomenon by Josh McDowell and Covenant Eyes with the Barna Group show the harms of pornography as having unique repercussions that effect all of us in various ways.

* What is pornography? Pornography is made of two Greek words: porne means “prostitutes” and graphein means “to write about.” In today’s digital world, we have images of porn in both form and function.

* What’s the history of pornography? You can study the “Kinsey Fallout” by Dr. Judith Reisman to learn about the roots of modern pornography.

* We live in a “pornified culture!” Porn is an aggressive industry that targets 11- 14 year old since their brains are still forming and highly susceptible to addiction (response is 4 X stronger than adults). Check out the schemes of the pornography industry with Virtual Reality!

As pornography becomes normalized, it also becomes more explicit, violent, racist, humiliating, and dehumanizing, while focusing on aggressive sexual activity (i.e. 50 Shades of Gray). Consumption of pornography causes desensitization – in order to experience arousal, many seek ever harsher more violent and degrading images!

* Statistics include:

•Largest consumer of Internet porn are 12-17 yr. old.

•18% come across porn weekly or more even when not seeking it

•80% of 15 to 17 yr. old have been exposed to hardcore pornography

•85% of teens/young adults who have viewed porn did so online

•37% of teens actively seek out porn once a week

•70% of boys and 23% of girls have spent 30+ minutes viewing online porn

•93% of Christian young people talk with their friends about pornography in either neutral, accepting or encouraging way

•11% of Christian teens have one friend who thinks viewing porn is a bad thing

•71% of teens hide online behavior from their parents

•32% of teens say ALL or most of their friends regularly look at porn

2. Three myths debunked in Kids, Teens and Pornography (D6 Conference) by Sean McDowell:

Myth #1 - “It doesn’t affect me.” The #1 place teens learn about sex is porn with scripts or messages saying: sex is best outside of marriage, all women want sex from men and women like all sexual acts demanded by men -just use force if needed.

Myth #2 - “I will quit later.” Sexual addiction is the hardest to overcome - it physically changes the brain plus neurochemicals surge forming new/deeper pathways – synapses that fire together, wire together. Avg. age of exposure to porn is 8 and 9 to 11 yrs. old.

Myth # 3 - “I am not hurting anyone.” Pornography is connected to sex trafficking – many porn performers are sex trafficked victims.

3. Pornography is sexual exploitation. About 88% of scenes in porn films contain acts of physical aggression and 49% of scenes contain verbal aggression. The “portrayed” abuse in porn scenes are real ( www.strengthtofight.ca ).

Sextortion is becoming a major problem with minor children/teens and becoming one of the biggest dangers to kids online – predators have access to our kids and teens ( www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2017/01/24/sextortion-becoming-major-problem-with-minor-children.html ) . Don’t “trust” your kids/teens on the Internet without barriers!

--Our next anonymous writer shares her story about the how an adult showing her pornography as a child (which is a form of child sexual abuse) impacted her life--

When I was eight years old, my sister and I were left with a babysitter in a New York City apartment while my parents went out with business associates. I remember the t.v. being turned on. The screen was literally blue while the words “blue t.v.” flashed across the screen. I do not remember who the sitter was or if the person was male or female. The images which played next were burned into my memory and evoked a slightly familiar physiological response. At the time, I didn’t know this was hard core pornography depicting sex since I was so young. I knew instantly that my parents would be angry with me if they knew I saw it. My sister, age 4, was also in the room. And even though I was repulsed by the images I saw, I was captivated at the same time. The word ‘pornography’ was also not a part of my vocabulary, so I wouldn’t know how to tell about what I saw, or who to tell or why to tell. This was the first exposure I had to pornography.

I also found pornography in my father’s nightstand at home. When I asked my mother about it, she told me it was my father’s business. I was offended and appalled that she knew and didn’t seem to feel bad about the fact that it was there. No one ever told me it was wrong, but I felt it was... Furthermore, I felt like I had done something bad because I found it, exposed it, and talked about it. Shame ensued around this topic of sexuality. It was so confusing.

These events had an impact on my life. The first major impact was that shame accompanied any thoughts about sex or mention of sex. I wanted to ask questions and talk about what I saw, but I thought I couldn’t. I chose to avoid discussing any idea that could cause me to be rejected by my parents. I assumed it was bad to talk about it with anybody. The second impact it had was its compelling nature. Because of how it made me feel, physically, I wanted to look at it again and again. Even my overwhelming sense of shame could not hold back this compulsion. The more I looked at it, the more I wanted to look at it. I would read the articles included with the pictures in the magazines. I started to form my beliefs about what “men wanted from me”. And according to this literature, they wanted me to be “sexy” by looking like the women posing in those magazines. They wanted me to act sexual and if I did act that way or talk the way the women depicted in these magazines talked and acted, I could be accepted. I equated acceptance with love. I wanted desperately to be loved by boys, by men, by my father. This seemed to be the secret way to their approval. I became addicted to pornography. Perhaps one of the most devastating impacts the exposure to pornography had on my life was my objectification. The words and pictures I consumed said that I existed for nothing more than others’ enjoyment and that I should enjoy that reason for existing; I should be sexually aroused by my own objectification. This brainwashing told me that I had no right to say “no” to a man, especially if he was an authority figure in my life-whether boss, co-worker, family member, or educator. It told me that even if I did tell, it wouldn’t matter because his word was more trusted than mine. I was just an object. This objectification gave men the right to abuse and molest me. And, like it or not, there was little I could do about it, or so I believed. This belief about my value and identity as a person led me down a path of being a victim over and over again.

Had I read a Say "No!" and TELL!” book early in life, perhaps I would not have adopted the shame monster that told me not to talk about what I had seen, what I had witnessed, and what I had done myself. Perhaps I would not have protected my perpetrators. Perhaps I would have thought of myself differently. Perhaps I would have been attracted to different kinds of boys and then men. Maybe I would have called the police when they should and could have been called. Maybe I would not have become addicted to porn. Perhaps the abuse would have ended with me...

I knew about "stranger danger" but not the risks from family or young peers...

kimberly@westandguard.com (Kimberly Perry) — Mon, 06 Aug 2018 18:36:59 GMT

#MeTooPrevention: a 3rd real-life story

What is PSB?

We live in an era where children and teens have high accessibility to hardcore Internet pornography. There is a growing concern about problematic sexual behavior (PSB) in children. An example of PSB is when a child is exposed to pornography (which is also a form of child sexual abuse) and then acts out what they see with another child or child on child sexual abuse between anyone young including juvenile strangers, family or peers. PSB is different than a typical child development curiosity such as "playing doctor, but becomes problematic when they are planned, happen frequently, involve children with wide age ranges, physical size, and developmental levels, or are accompanied by feelings of anger, fear, or coercion," according to Jane Silovsky author of Taking Action: Support for Families of Children with Sexual Behavior Problems . I whole-hardheartedly agree with the National Council on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE) who writes that prevention is key to protect children from becoming victims...or abusers . Not only does sexual assault on children involve adults as the abusers, but increasingly students sexually abusing children is on the rise, which can be misrepresented as bullying, hazing or consensual behavior, according to a NCOSE blog .

Anonymous writer #3

Pornography may or may not have influenced the child sexual abuse that our next anonymous writer experienced as a young girl. Learning "stranger danger" from her mother was helpful, although her story debunks the myth that abuse mostly happens by adult strangers, but rather can also happen from people we know, including young family members too. After reading a Say "NO!" and TELL! book, she felt emboldened to share her story for the first time in her 70's with her husband and a few other family members about the multiple child sexual abuse violations she experienced as a child.

It is never too late to share your story and heal.

- - - Here is her story - - -

As a woman in my 70's who is a wife, mom, grandma, aunt and active church member, I want my family and friends to be empowered with protecting their kids so the next generation can have a better outcome than me by stopping abuse or getting help sooner. As I learn and read about other's stories amidst the #MeToo movement, I feel I have a lot to be thankful for even though I was sexually abused as a child. For example, my mother bought books about safety and talked to me about "stranger danger" or what could happen and I was told to never to talk to a man that I didn't know and just to walk away. However, I was abused by three different family members, not strangers (and one of them was young too).

When I was around 7 or 8 years old, I was playing upstairs with a young cousin of mine who was around 10 years old. He suggested we pull our pants off as well as other inappropriate touching, which was very uncomfortable for me as a young girl. My mother seemed to have heard us and thereafter would not let us play together unless she was close by. However, my mother and I never did talk about what specifically happened.

Another instance of child sexual abuse was by another cousin who was around 18 years old. He exposed himself to me and pressured me into doing inappropriate things with his private parts. I felt fortunate that he did not touch me, although that experience has really bothered me all of these years.

Finally, when I was around 12 years old, my uncle (a man with a child that was older than me who was married to my blood-related aunt) acted inappropriately toward me with unsafe touching. This was heartbreaking - I loved my uncle and my aunt very much. He was casually massaging my shoulders, but then he crossed the line into inappropriate touching, so I walked away.

These three child sexual abuse experiences effected me because I did not tell anyone for over 60 years, which is a long time to hold something painful inside. My mother did her best to protect me from strangers, although we did not talk about the first incident by my cousin - a family member - and someone we both knew well. I also did not disclose the other two incidents of abuse by family members to anyone. Nevertheless, today, I believe that telling my story may be able to help others my age in the baby boomer geneartion to speak out so they can heal and help the next generation.

I was grateful that my mother stressed to me not to let a strange boy, man or anyone touch me, although it must have not crossed her mind that sometimes someone we know can try unsafe touches. She knew about the first abuse, but not the second or third one. She never mentioned either one to me and I did not tell anyone. I also feel grateful that I was taught about what not to do and not let anyone do anything to me. I was fortunate because of what my mother taught me, compared to many others who have been exploited and abused, however I wish my mother would have had a Say "NO!" and TELL! book to read to me when I was a girl. These prevention books train families in a comprehensive, research-based way so that kids can be even safer in multiple scenarios!

One thing I LOVE to do is buy bulk orders of the Say "NO!" and TELL! books and give them away. I give the books as baby shower gifts, to local church libraries, to friends, church members and neighbors with young kids, as well as my family. I also carry around post cards of the Say "NO!" and TELL! books to leave with waitresses or anyone I meet that I see with children while I run errands. Even though this is a sensitive topic for many to think about or share with others, I would rather be somewhat uncomfortable for a moment than risk the pain of child sexual abuse happening to another child, which can be a lifetime of recovery...if the child tells someone and gets help.

- - - I want the next generation to know that it is never too late to learn boundaries and personal safety for kids. I want to impact others and those I love in a positive way that can last a lifetime - - -

Will you join us today, no matter what your age, and share a Say "NO!" and TELL! book with someone who cares for kids?

21 Tips on How to Nurture Your Child's Mental Health

kimberly@westandguard.com (Kimberly Perry) — Thu, 21 Jun 2018 21:54:14 GMT

What is a #1 key for growing mentally healthy kids?

What is a #1 key for growing mentally healthy kids?

I have 15 years of teaching experience, which include pre-school, 2nd, 4th and 5th grade classroom plus pre-K to 5th grade elementary health and physical education. I learned so many things from teaching around 25,000 hours to over 3000 kids throughout the years even though I was the teacher! The kids taught me a thing or two, for sure!

The #1 key I discovered about effective learning for kids was essentially the vital importance of creating a safe place for everyone, including emotional, mental, physical and spiritual safety.

When I saw this infographic illustrating 21 tips about how to nurture a child's mental health (click this link to see the 21 tips), I realized this just about sums up the basics of creating safe relationships between grown-ups and kids. I implemented many of these techniques and they worked in a seemingly magical way! For example, sharing feelings diffused many conflicts as well as being consistent and following through was powerful. Saying "I'm sorry - I blew it when I . . . will you please forgive me," as a grown-up to kids never ceased to amaze them that I meant it. Modeling this two-way street apology approach when needed, did wonders in creating safety for all - safe enough to make mistakes, admit them and do better or differently next time. Also, kids actually crave boundaries because this makes them feel safe - they benefit from routine and structure, which also includes doing what we say and saying what we mean. Today, my specialty is to focus on one tip - "teach them to be safe" with boundaries and personal safety for kids (prevention of child sexual abuse). However, to build an essential foundation for learning personal safety, we need to practice all of these tips and begin nurturing a safe relationship with open communication.

To further explain and inspire us to continue with the prevention message, the Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE) Study can motivate us to share about preventing child sexual abuse as a way to really love the next generation.

The kids are counting on us!

The original ACE Study was conducted at Kaiser Permanente from 1995 to 1997 with over 17,000 participants who received physical exams and completed confidential surveys regarding their childhood experiences with current health status and behaviors.

Female participants:
13% emotional abuse
27% physical abuse
24.7% sexual abuse

Male participants:
7.6% emotional abuse
29.9% physical abuse
16% sexual abuse

The ACE Study findings suggest that ACEs are strongly related to development of risk factors for disease and well-being throughout the life course. Childhood experiences, both positive and negative, have a tremendous impact on future violence, victimization and perpetration, and lifelong health and opportunity. Early experiences are an important public health issue. Adverse childhood experiences have been linked to risky health behaviors, chronic health conditions, low life potential, and early death.As the number of ACEs increases, so does the risk for these outcomes. There are risks and protective factors for both victimizaiton and perpetration.

The wide-ranging health and social consequences of ACEs demonstrate the importance of preventing them before they happen. Will you join us in the prevention movement by sharing a "Say 'NO!' and TELL!" book with a family or organization?

My child will tell me if an unsafe touch happens...(but will they REALLY tell?)

kimberly@westandguard.com (Kimberly Perry) — Mon, 16 Apr 2018 00:00:00 GMT

#MeTooPrevention: a 2nd real-life story

When a child is sexually abused, the trauma can be so severe that he/she rarely tells. It is estimated that 38% of child victims disclose the fact that they have been sexually abused. Of these, 40% tell a close friend, rather than an adult or authority, which often goes unreported. Abusers often threaten the child’s well-being or his/her family and friends, which only adds to the fear of telling anyone. It is estimated that only 4 to 8% of child sexual abuse reports are false; often the fabricated reports are given by adults trying to sway a custody battle in their favor ( D2L.com ).

It is not a matter of if, but when a child may have a questionable encounter, especially since child sexual abuse involves both physical contact and non-physical contact abuse (such as exposing a child to pornography, which is increasingly becoming more hardcore, often involving sex trafficked victims). Pornography is widely accessible to all ages via Smartphones and some other surprising sources, such as EBSCO, an online reference system serving many schools. Together, as a next step, we can help eliminate easy access and exposure of pornography to children by contacting companies on this Dirty Dozen List 2018 and requesting they make the necessary changes to protect everyone, including children, from easy access to porn. The hyper-sexualization of children through objectification largely includes pornography as a big part of the problem and Internet sex crimes are also real threats.

To highlight April as both National Child Abuse Prevention Month and Sexual Assault Awareness Month our second anonymous writer shares her real-life story and debunks the myth that children readily tell a grown-up if sexual abuse happens.

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A Real-Life Story

Submitted by an anonymous writer #2

When I was around 7 years old, I remember crying out in tears…or was it silent and just the sounds in my head? Even today, as I write about the sexual abuse part of my life, I have thoughts of “was I imagining things?” or “did this really happen?” The memory can still be agonizing and heinous so at times it just feels better to block it out, ignore it or pretend… and wish it never happened. But, in reality, I do know that it happened. I had no exposure to pornography and, as a child, could not even imagine such things, let alone realize what was happening to me. All I know is that I was terrified and wanted it to stop.

One main effect of being sexually abused one time by a stranger (which is statistically rare since most victims know their abuser per D2L.com ) was my voice was stolen from me . One day, I was riding my bike home (to get a quick drink of water) after exploring our neighborhood woods with some of my family. Out of the blue, a man on a motorcycle made me stop en route on the trail to my home and sexually abused me in broad daylight, but no one was nearby to help or make it stop. After he let me go, I wiped my tears away, hopped on my bike, rode home and told… no one. I felt trapped in the shame and terror of it all. I thought I had done something bad and that it was all my fault. Essentially, I was in shock and felt traumatized - I did not even know what to say if I were to have told someone. I had no words…I lost my voice.

In middle school, I learned about what happened to me one day when I was flipping through the TV channels and heard Oprah sharing about her personal story of “molestation.” Instantly, I realized that was what happened to me. I finally understood that was sexual abuse and told a friend, but made her promise to keep it a secret. She told no one and I continued to hide that awful part of my life. As a senior in high school, I found the courage to tell my family for the first time. This was a very sad time for us, but also was the first step in my healing because telling someone who could help me began to set me free from the shame of it all. I had spent all those years believing the lies that “God did not love me,” “it was my fault,” and there is “ something is wrong with me,” which spells out shame - a trigger reaction to sexual abuse. I felt broken from the sexual abuse, but especially damaged from being isolated and not telling anyone for so many years – I had no voice.

In college, I saw a Christian counselor about the sexual abuse and she gave me a book on forgiveness – I learned to forgive so I could go free. By God’s grace, I knew I was healing from the trauma even more and this felt wonderful. However, one day while shopping at Pier 1, I was shocked when a man brazenly flashed his private parts to me in the candle section. One would think that I, as a grown young adult, would have raced to the check-out counter to report it and call the police, but I froze… in silence. This was one of several revictimizations in the aftermath of child sexual abuse because I had no voice. Afterwards, I did tell a few close friends so that helped lift the shame, but I was stunned that I froze in the moment as a young woman…and did nothing. I still had not found my voice.

I believe that learning boundaries and personal safety by reading a “Say No and Tell” book as a child with a parent would have helped me, because I would have known the language of what to say as well as had permission to tell my parents right away. I could have received proper help and stopped the pain from the lies of shame and worthlessness early on, rather than suffer the next ten years and beyond…alone with this painful secret. My life just could have been so different. However, inspired by my faith in God and the love and support of others in my life, I continue to heal with a great measure of hope, recovery and wholeness for which I am grateful. The best thing I ever did was tell someone that I trusted who could help me, plus make a lifelong commitment to pursue my healing. I share my story with you now, because today… I have a voice.

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Will you empower a child’s voice today by posting and sharing this blog on social media with someone you care about and protect another child? This may seem like an insignificant or small thing to do, however we never know who might be reading our content. Your like, re-post or share may be the exact nudge someone needs to find the courage and actually be given permission for the first time to tell. Let's not underestimate the power of sharing this message of Saying NO... to NOT telling!

Is your child REALLY safe by knowing "stranger danger?"

Wed, 07 Mar 2018 00:00:00 GMT

#MeTooPrevention: a real-life story

Simone Biles, Aly Raisman and Gabby Douglas knew their abuser, Larry Nassar; he was not a stranger. Much like Jerry Sandusky at Penn State, Nassar knew his victims and had access to many children/teens, yet seemingly went unchecked for years. How can this be? Yes, we must continue to shine the light into this darkness and give voices to these brave victims, like these gymnasts, so they can experience intervention, healing and recovery from sexual abuse.

But, how do we stop it?

Kyle Stevenson's abuse by Nassar did not involve elite athletics, according to a Washington Post article , but rather he was a close family friend known and trusted by the entire family. Nassar began assaulting Stephens when she was in kindergarten and when she told her parents about the abuse, they believed Nassar. One strategy to get to the root of this problem and stop the harms of child sexual abuse is PREVENTION! We need to raise awareness about the importance of teaching boundaries and personal safety prevention tools to kids and debunk the myths around child sexual abuse for everyone.

You may have heard it said that kids are safe because we teach them "stranger danger." Teaching kids about “stranger danger” is an important skill to learn. However, it’s a myth that this skill alone will guard against child sexual abuse. It’s a reported fact that about 90% of child sexual abuse happens by someone the child knows. Only 10% happens by a stranger. Just like Kyle, our first anonymous author debunks the myth that child sexual abuse happens mostly by strangers; she knew her abuser as well.

A Real-Life Story

Submitted by an anonymous writer

When I was thirteen years old, I started babysitting for a family down the street. The dad stayed home in the day to work and propositioned me and inappropriately touched me. I told him I would tell, and he told me he would tell my parents that I was sneaking out at night (which he knew that I was doing). So, I said nothing to my parents. I was later date raped at a party and still, I was silent.

The effects of that initial encounter were many. I turned into a different little girl . It was like a switch had been turned on that I couldn’t turn off as I couldn’t stop thinking about sex and desiring it, even though I didn’t understand it. Also, I believe I started transitioning into depression . I remember never feeling content after that summer and struggling emotionally for the next 20 years. When I got married at 21, I had further problems with sex. I became terrified of sexual intimacy . I feared my gentle, loving husband touching me. I spent days crying, for no apparent reason. It took over a decade of counseling to start to repair some of the damage from that summer.

I believe that learning boundaries and personal safety by reading “Say No and Tell” would have helped me, especially in giving me permission to tell someone. I could have felt supported in talking to my parents about what was going on that summer. I would have known it was a safe topic to bring up. I could have stopped the abuse early in the cycle, maybe at the moment of his first comment when he propositioned me. My life just could have been so different....

It is long past time to begin talking about PREVENTION! It is imminent that we get in front of the problem of child sexual abuse and prevent the next tragedy by empowering kids and the whole family with prevention strategies. One effective way to approach this problem is by implementing the solution of teaching grown-ups and kids about boundaries and personal safety skills or prevention of child sexual abuse. A broad and comprehensive approach to teaching personal safety (which includes body safety, people safety, and beyond) to kids, families and organizations, can empower everyone to know what to do ahead of time. It is not a matter of if, but when a child may have a questionable encounter – will the child you love know what to do – to say “NO!” and TELL and KEEP TELLING until it stops?

Thank you for posting and sharing this blog on social media with someone you care about and protect another child today!