My child will tell me if an unsafe touch happens...(but will they REALLY tell?)
#MeTooPrevention: a 2nd real-life story

When a child is sexually abused, the trauma can be so severe that he/she rarely tells. It is estimated that 38% of child victims disclose the fact that they have been sexually abused. Of these, 40% tell a close friend, rather than an adult or authority, which often goes unreported. Abusers often threaten the child’s well-being or his/her family and friends, which only adds to the fear of telling anyone. It is estimated that only 4 to 8% of child sexual abuse reports are false; often the fabricated reports are given by adults trying to sway a custody battle in their favor ( D2L.com ).
It is not a matter of if, but when a child may have a questionable
encounter, especially since child sexual abuse involves both physical contact
and non-physical contact abuse (such as exposing a child to pornography, which is increasingly
becoming more hardcore, often involving sex trafficked victims). Pornography is
widely accessible to all ages via Smartphones and some other surprising sources,
such as EBSCO, an online reference system serving many schools. Together, as a next step, we can
help eliminate easy access and exposure of pornography to children by contacting
companies on this Dirty
Dozen List 2018
and requesting they make the necessary changes to protect everyone,
including children, from easy access to porn. The hyper-sexualization of
children through objectification largely includes pornography as a big part of
the problem and Internet sex crimes are also real threats.
To highlight April as both National Child Abuse Prevention Month and Sexual Assault Awareness Month
our second anonymous writer shares her real-life story
and debunks the myth that children readily tell a grown-up if sexual abuse happens.
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A Real-Life Story
Submitted by an anonymous writer #2
When I was around 7 years old, I remember crying out in tears…or was it silent and just the sounds in my head? Even today, as I write about the sexual abuse part of my life, I have thoughts of “was I imagining things?” or “did this really happen?” The memory can still be agonizing and heinous so at times it just feels better to block it out, ignore it or pretend… and wish it never happened. But, in reality, I do know that it happened. I had no exposure to pornography and, as a child, could not even imagine such things, let alone realize what was happening to me. All I know is that I was terrified and wanted it to stop.
One main effect of being sexually abused one time by a stranger (which is statistically rare since most victims know their abuser per D2L.com ) was my voice was stolen from me . One day, I was riding my bike home (to get a quick drink of water) after exploring our neighborhood woods with some of my family. Out of the blue, a man on a motorcycle made me stop en route on the trail to my home and sexually abused me in broad daylight, but no one was nearby to help or make it stop. After he let me go, I wiped my tears away, hopped on my bike, rode home and told… no one. I felt trapped in the shame and terror of it all. I thought I had done something bad and that it was all my fault. Essentially, I was in shock and felt traumatized - I did not even know what to say if I were to have told someone. I had no words…I lost my voice.
In middle school, I learned about what happened to me one day when I was flipping through the TV channels and heard Oprah sharing about her personal story of “molestation.” Instantly, I realized that was what happened to me. I finally understood that was sexual abuse and told a friend, but made her promise to keep it a secret. She told no one and I continued to hide that awful part of my life. As a senior in high school, I found the courage to tell my family for the first time. This was a very sad time for us, but also was the first step in my healing because telling someone who could help me began to set me free from the shame of it all. I had spent all those years believing the lies that “God did not love me,” “it was my fault,” and there is “ something is wrong with me,” which spells out shame - a trigger reaction to sexual abuse. I felt broken from the sexual abuse, but especially damaged from being isolated and not telling anyone for so many years – I had no voice.
In college, I saw a Christian counselor about the sexual abuse and she gave me a book on forgiveness – I learned to forgive so I could go free. By God’s grace, I knew I was healing from the trauma even more and this felt wonderful. However, one day while shopping at Pier 1, I was shocked when a man brazenly flashed his private parts to me in the candle section. One would think that I, as a grown young adult, would have raced to the check-out counter to report it and call the police, but I froze… in silence. This was one of several revictimizations in the aftermath of child sexual abuse because I had no voice. Afterwards, I did tell a few close friends so that helped lift the shame, but I was stunned that I froze in the moment as a young woman…and did nothing. I still had not found my voice.
I believe that learning boundaries and personal safety by reading a “Say No and Tell” book as a child with a parent would have helped me, because I would have known the language of what to say as well as had permission to tell my parents right away. I could have received proper help and stopped the pain from the lies of shame and worthlessness early on, rather than suffer the next ten years and beyond…alone with this painful secret. My life just could have been so different. However, inspired by my faith in God and the love and support of others in my life, I continue to heal with a great measure of hope, recovery and wholeness for which I am grateful. The best thing I ever did was tell someone that I trusted who could help me, plus make a lifelong commitment to pursue my healing. I share my story with you now, because today… I have a voice.
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Will you empower a child’s voice today by posting and sharing this blog on social media with someone you care about and protect another child? This may seem like an insignificant or small thing to do, however we never know who might be reading our content. Your like, re-post or share may be the exact nudge someone needs to find the courage and actually be given permission for the first time to tell. Let's not underestimate the power of sharing this message of Saying NO... to NOT telling!



