I knew about "stranger danger" but not the risks from family or young peers...
#MeTooPrevention: a 3rd real-life story
What is PSB?
We live in an era where children and teens have high accessibility to hardcore Internet pornography. There is a growing concern about problematic sexual behavior (PSB) in children. An example of PSB is when a child is exposed to pornography (which is also a form of child sexual abuse) and then acts out what they see with another child or child on child sexual abuse between anyone young including juvenile strangers, family or peers. PSB is different than a typical child development curiosity such as "playing doctor, but
becomes problematic when they are planned, happen frequently, involve children with wide age ranges, physical size, and developmental levels, or are accompanied by feelings of anger, fear, or coercion," according to Jane Silovsky author of
Taking Action: Support for Families of Children with Sexual Behavior Problems
.
I whole-hardheartedly agree with the National Council on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE) who writes that prevention is key to protect children from becoming victims...or abusers. Not only does sexual assault on children involve adults as the abusers, but increasingly students sexually abusing children is on the rise, which can be misrepresented as bullying, hazing or consensual behavior, according to a NCOSE blog.
Anonymous writer #3
Pornography may or may not have influenced the child sexual abuse that our next anonymous writer
experienced as a young girl. Learning "stranger danger" from her mother was helpful, although her story debunks the myth that abuse mostly happens by adult strangers, but rather can also happen from people we know, including young family members too.After reading a Say "NO!" and TELL!
book, she felt emboldened to share her story for the first time in her 70's
with her husband and a few other family members about the multiple child sexual abuse violations she experienced as a child.
It is never too late to share your story and heal.
- - - Here is her story - - -
As a woman in my 70's who is a wife, mom, grandma, aunt and active church member, I want my family and friends to be empowered with protecting their kids so the next generation can have a better outcome than me by stopping abuse or getting help sooner. As I learn and read about other's stories amidst the #MeToo movement, I feel I have a lot to be thankful for even though I was sexually abused as a child. For example, my mother bought books about safety and talked to me about "stranger danger" or what could happen and I was told to never to talk to a man that I didn't know and just to walk away. However, I was abused by three different family members, not strangers (and one of them was young too).
When I was around 7 or 8 years old, I was playing upstairs with a young cousin of mine who was around 10 years old. He suggested we pull our pants off as well as other inappropriate touching, which was very uncomfortable for me as a young girl. My mother seemed to have heard us and thereafter would not let us play together unless she was close by. However, my mother and I never did talk about what specifically happened.
Another instance of child sexual abuse was by another cousin who was around 18 years old. He exposed himself to me and pressured me into doing inappropriate things with his private parts. I felt fortunate that he did not touch me, although that experience has really bothered me all of these years.
Finally, when I was around 12 years old, my uncle (a man with a child that was older than me who was married to my blood-related aunt) acted inappropriately toward me with unsafe touching. This was heartbreaking - I loved my uncle and my aunt very much. He was casually massaging my shoulders, but then he crossed the line into inappropriate touching, so I walked away.
These three child sexual abuse experiences effected me because I did not tell anyone for over 60 years, which is a long time to hold something painful inside. My mother did her best to protect me from strangers, although we did not talk about the first incident by my cousin - a family member - and someone we both knew well. I also did not disclose the other two incidents of abuse by family members to anyone. Nevertheless, today, I believe that telling my story may be able to help others my age in the baby boomer geneartion to speak out so they can heal and help the next generation.
I was grateful that my mother stressed to me not to let a strange boy, man or anyone touch me, although it must have not crossed her mind that sometimes someone we know can try unsafe touches. She knew about the first abuse, but not the second or third one.She never mentioned either one to me and I did not tell anyone.I also feel grateful that I was taught about what not to do and not let anyone do anything to me. I was fortunate because of what my mother taught me, compared to many others who have been exploited and abused, however I wish my mother would have had a Say "NO!" and TELL!
book to read to me when I was a girl. These prevention books train families in a comprehensive, research-based way so that kids can be even safer in multiple scenarios!
One thing I LOVE to do is buy bulk orders of the Say "NO!" and TELL!
books and give them away. I give the books as baby shower gifts, to local church libraries, to friends, church members and neighbors with young kids, as well as my family. I also carry around post cards of the Say "NO!" and TELL!
books to leave with waitresses or anyone I meet that I see with children while I run errands. Even though this is a sensitive topic for many to think about or share with others, I would rather be somewhat uncomfortable for a moment than risk the pain of child sexual abuse happening to another child, which can be a lifetime of recovery...if the child tells someone and gets help.
- - - I want the next generation to know that it is never too late to learn boundaries and personal safety for kids. I want to impact others and those I love in a positive way that can last a lifetime - - -
Will you join us today, no matter what your age, and share a Say "NO!" and TELL!
book with someone who cares for kids?
