Has Someone Crossed the Line? Have you crossed someone's boundaries? Clarifying and maintaining boundaries is a lifelong practice and skill for all ages, especially today in our tech world.
My friend Barb Winters has written a thought-provoking guest blog so we can "let it begin with me" by reflecting on our own boundaries day to day. Plus she relates boundaries in a relevant way to our culture by connecting to tech and our youth.
A Refresh on Boundaries for All Ages Today
In a world of child sexual abuse material (CSAM), pornography, hookup culture, and predators, understanding why boundaries are important is paramount. The following is an excerpt from Barb Winters’ book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships .
I ruffled my son’s hair. “Good job.” He had finished his science project and was walking it to the living room to show his dad. “You messed up my hair.” He appeared less than thrilled.
“But it’s so soft,” I said playfully.
“Mom, stop. I don’t like when you get in my space.”
I paused. I guess he was growing up and no longer appreciated his mommy touching him without permission. “Sorry. I’ll try to be more respectful.”
I can’t boast that I’ve always heard my children’s requests or taken them seriously. I also can’t promise I never ruffled my son’s hair again—I may have slipped once or twice. But as I mature, I’m learning to listen to others when they attempt to communicate their boundaries.
Teaching Teens
When teaching preteens and teens at local schools, we emphasize the importance of setting and communicating boundaries. A healthy person institutes boundaries. Healthy relationships incorporate boundaries. A boundary is a limit. It’s a border, an invisible line drawn to express parameters—what we deem as acceptable and unacceptable in various areas of life. Think of a fence or lines on a road. The lines mark the area where it’s safe to drive. If we veer over the line, we’re in danger of hitting an oncoming car or going into a ditch.
I like boundaries. I find them comforting. Not everyone appreciates limitations and rules, but I feel safer knowing them and staying within their confines. I’d much rather my son tell me not to touch his hair, even though this signal that he was growing up saddened me, than for him to resent me because I crossed a boundary I didn’t know existed.
Our goal as caregivers is to help our children
(1) comprehend why they need boundaries
(2) recognize which areas of life need boundaries
(3) set their boundaries
(4) communicate their boundaries to others
Boundaries protect us. Many people rebel against rules and regulations. Society conditions us to resist guidelines and directives, as if those “other people” are trying to control, manipulate, and reign over us. Hormonal teens, trying to find their place in the world and testing their limits, can adopt this stance. Our objective is to turn this thinking around so they view boundaries as friendly and an essential component of life.
When I tell teens we turn off the Wi-Fi every night at 11:00 p.m. in our household, they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind and ruined my children for life. But I purposefully mention this line to reveal this fact: because I love my children, I want to safeguard them. My job is to protect them from predators and help them resist temptation late at night. I am relieving them of the burden of saying no to pornography, late-night gaming, and social media drama—and improving their ability to say yes to a good night’s sleep and a well-rested body.
A Universal Human Need for Boundaries
Boundaries are necessary in multiple areas of life. We set our alarms. We create budgets. We watch our caloric intake. We limit our interactions with people who push our buttons. And we obey traffic signals. These are all boundaries—ones we’ve set for ourselves and ones established by others. To some extent, these lines exist in all areas of life, but let’s look at some specific areas that benefit relationships. We want the next generation to set these boundaries as soon as possible, before it’s necessary to exercise them.
In the physical area, within a romantic relationship, help your children establish how far they will go sexually before marriage. Discuss the options, lay out the benefits of waiting for intercourse, read Scripture, and pray with them. Walk them through the stages of physical intimacy, including holding hands, kissing, and other sexual activity leading up to intercourse, being as explicit as possible for their age. Help them choose their line, their stopping point, but allow them to make the choice. When comfortable, tell personal stories—your choices and the benefits and/or consequences to your decisions. Offer advice if they ask, but don’t decide for them. Preteens and teens are more apt to adhere to limits, to say no when pressured, if they set their boundaries themselves.
Determine boundaries around screen time and social media. Get their buy-in by asking for their input and listening to their reasoning. Ask their opinion about consequences when needed. The parameters established in your home depend on your children’s ages, maturity level, and history. Some children are more vulnerable than others. Some have a more addictive nature than others. As they mature, adapt the guidelines. Hopefully, as adults, they will continue to place limits on their screen time.
Understanding Boundary Violations
Additionally, help your children decipher acceptable and unacceptable behaviors within friendships, partnerships, and family. Do your children like teasing? How close is too close? Do others listen to their ideas? Do they have the freedom to make decisions within relationships, or do others always demand their way? Are they confident enough to interact with other people responsibly? Do they encounter abusive behavior? Are they treated with respect and kindness? Do others pressure them when they say no? Are they looking for red flags?
Do your children know when someone crosses a line? How will they respond?
We want the next generation to regard these borders as positive and protective so, as they mature into adulthood, they continue to set them and say no to people who push for more.
After they’ve determined their boundaries, help your children communicate those boundaries. . . . Voicing boundaries is important. The sooner we empower our children to set and communicate boundaries, the better equipped they will be for the future. Teach them to state their limitations in a kind manner and say “no” when the lines are ignored. If someone continuously pushes their limits, they may need to change the approach to the relationship.
It’s reasonable to set our own boundaries and adhere to others’ limits. Acknowledging and appreciating others’ boundaries is important. This give-and-take contributes to a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.
Barb Winter's Biography:
Barb Winters is the mom of a recovered pornography addict, certified Sexual Risk Avoidance Specialist, and founder of Hopeful Mom: supporting parents in an online world , where she offers encouragement and practical advice to parents and leaders. As Lead Facilitator at E3 Family Solutions, Inc., Barb equips students to make healthy choices and empowers parents to aid their children. She’s a sought-after podcast and blogsite guest, published in numerous magazines, serves on anti-pornography committees, speaks at seminars, and advocates for human trafficking awareness.
Barb's book, Sexpectations: Helping the Next Generation Navigate Healthy Relationships , releases August 8, 2023. She and her husband reside in Florida, near two of their four children. Connect with Barb at HopefulMom.net.
How does body safety and choosing healthy foods with kids connect? Well, we can practice decision-making, wellness, self-care affirmative feedback and positive body image as it relates to food to name a few, which can lay the foundation for teaching body safety. Because, when we consider our personal nutrition and relationship with food, we connect to our bodies. Supporting children in growing healthy self- images with nutrition, as an example, teaches them self-care - they learn their hearts, minds and bodies are worth it!
Plus, I like to strengthen the WeStandGuard.com content with a variety of other supportive topics beyond body safety, yet so closely related such as self-care.
Check out guest blog by Anya Willis @ Fitkids.info
Nurture Your Children Toward Healthier Choices
Navigating the myriad of lifestyle choices in today's world can be overwhelming, particularly for children. Thus, it's crucial for parents to step in and guide their youngsters toward making healthier decisions. While it’s not always easy, there are several things you can do to make the process fun for your little ones. This article offers a comprehensive set of advice and resources that can assist parents in instilling healthy habits in their children. Let's get started.
Involving Kids in Decision-Making
Involving children in meal planning and grocery shopping can greatly enhance their interest in healthier eating. Giving them a voice in food choices fosters a sense of ownership and encourages them to be open to nutritional options. One effective method is to collaboratively create a shopping list, or you might allow them to help you cook dinner. Another strategy is to allow them to pick out a new fruit or vegetable each week as a way to diversify their palate. These practices not only make children more receptive to healthy foods but also provide valuable learning experiences.
Mealtime offers a prime opportunity to enrich a child's diet with nutritious ingredients. Innovative approaches, like blending vegetables into smoothies or adding them to homemade muffins, can make the transition to healthy eating more enjoyable. The goal is to seamlessly weave nutrition into familiar foods , making it less of a chore for children to eat healthily. This creative incorporation aids in acclimating children to better eating practices without compromising on taste.
Encourage Regular Physical Exercise
Physical activity is vital for a child’s overall well-being. Family walks can be a fun and practical way to instill the habit of regular exercise. Moreover, if your neighborhood isn't pedestrian-friendly, look for an area with a high Walk Score of 70 or above to get your daily steps in. Such areas are generally safer and more conducive to walking, making it easier for your family to maintain an active lifestyle.
Media exposure can strongly influence children's views on body image, frequently presenting unattainable standards. Initiating conversations with your children about these media portrayals can help debunk myths about ideal body types. The emphasis should shift from chasing unrealistic images to adopting a balanced, healthy lifestyle. This approach aids in cultivating a positive body image and a healthier self-perception in children.
Each child has distinct interests that can significantly impact their well-being when explored. Identifying an activity that aligns with your child's passions can imbue them with a sense of purpose. Participation in extracurricular activities, whether it's art, sports, or technology , can enhance their social skills and offer alternative avenues for physical or mental engagement. This focused involvement can be instrumental in promoting a balanced, fulfilling lifestyle for your child.
Positive feedback is crucial for children, as it often serves as motivation to continue making good choices. When coming from trusted adults, this affirmation can be especially impactful. Commending your child for making healthy choices, such as choosing fruit over candy or practicing a new skill, encourages better decision-making. This cycle of affirmation and improved behavior reinforces the importance of positive reinforcement in a child's development.
Guiding children to make healthier choices is a long-term commitment that demands both patience and resourcefulness. However, by utilizing the practical tips and methods outlined above, you’re well on your way to setting them up for a future of wellbeing. Foster their interest in nutrition, encourage physical activities, engage them in dialogues about body image, help them find activities they love, and use affirmation as a powerful motivational tool. This balanced approach will enable you to lead your children down the path to a fulfilling, healthy life.
Have a question for the team at We Stand Guard ? Reach out today.
What challenges or gaps are you facing as the kids are growing up, which brings change as they transition from childhood to tweeners and teenagers.
In addition to last month's blog on A Look at Self-Care Activities for Kids
, here is an interesting look at your own self-care, especially during transitions with kids growing up. In fact, I visited my triplet nephews this past Labor Day weekend and my brother and I were cracking up since their PJ bottoms were like crop pants - they have grown taller as they begin middle school! Surprise!!!
As a follow up to last month, check out Anya Willis' Part 2 guest blog on self-care (see more at https://fitkids.info/
).
Life
is a roller coaster of changes, from new jobs and relationships to relocations
and even crises. As disorienting as
these major life transitions can be, they also offer a unique opportunity to
reboot your habits and improve your overall well-being. Today, we will provide you with strategies
to embrace these transformations and convert life's challenges into stepping
stones for a better you,
It's natural for stress levels to peak during transitions. However, these moments provide a chance to develop effective stress-management strategies. Start with acknowledging the stressors. Once you identify them, use mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing or meditation, to mitigate their impact. Incorporating physical activity can also make a significant difference. Exercise releases endorphins, which naturally reduces stress. So, the next time you find yourself overwhelmed, remember to take a step back and focus on your well-being.
Returning to school is one of the best ways to revitalize your life and open doors in terms of a future career. There are plenty of options out there, as well. For instance, if you’ve ever thought about pursuing an online bachelor's degree in nursing , now is the time. Online nurses are in high demand, and if you’re open to the flexibility that comes with internet-based learning platforms, you can work toward your degree on your own schedule, from the comfort of your own home.
Major life transitions can also offer the ideal moment to venture into entrepreneurship. Begin with research. Understand your target market, potential challenges, and financial requirements. Once you have a comprehensive plan, move to the execution phase. When it comes to establishing a brand identity , create a memorable image using free online logo makers. These platforms offer an array of customizable designs to give your business a professional edge, and a well-designed logo can do wonders for brand recognition.
Adjusting to a new chapter in life often requires a revamped routine. Consistency is the cornerstone of habit formation , and the best way to ensure this is by designing a daily routine that aligns with your newfound goals. This can be anything from a workout schedule to set times for personal and professional growth. Not only does this help in maintaining a balanced life, but it also solidifies the positive changes you aim to make.
Legal and Financial Control through an LLC
If you opt for the entrepreneurial route, forming an LLC ( limited liability company ) is crucial. This legal structure provides personal liability protection and offers several tax benefits. It signifies a critical step towards becoming your own boss, putting you in control of your business and, by extension, your destiny. Consider consulting professionals to help you navigate the complexities of forming an LLC.
For many, caffeine is a daily necessity. However, it's easy to go overboard, especially during stressful periods. If you must drink caffeine, take the time to learn more about the different coffee drinks available. Whether it's opting for a lighter roast or mixing in decaf, these choices can help you maintain energy levels without sacrificing sleep quality.
Relationships play a crucial role during transitional phases. This is an ideal time to assess your social circle and make necessary adjustments. If certain relationships are toxic, it’s time to distance yourself. Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive individuals can significantly boost your emotional and psychological well-being.
Transitions often have financial implications. Use this time to review your credit report and take steps to fix any inconsistencies or debts. By managing your finances effectively, you lessen stress and lay the foundation for a stable future.
Goals with a Purpose: Mapping Your Journey
Setting clearly defined goals that resonate with your core values is fundamental. They act as a roadmap, guiding you through challenges and keeping you centered. A detailed, step-by-step plan can greatly assist in achieving these goals, and the focus it brings can be an invaluable asset.
The experience of undergoing a significant life transition can be exhilarating, daunting, and enriching all at once. Embracing these transitional phases with purposeful strategies can redefine challenges as opportunities for personal and professional growth. By applying the practices highlighted in this article, you're poised to emerge stronger, more empowered, and ready to seize future opportunities with aplomb.
