Blog Post

Boys can be victims of abuse too!

  • By Kimberly Perry
  • 06 Mar, 2021

Let's protect human dignity for all!

Boundaries for Boys

While boys are young, teaching them how to recognize when to say "no!" and tell regarding a questionable encounter as well as respecting others' "no" in a general sense can help build a foundation for valuing self and others. Respect for human dignity can be seen as a two way street. Both boundaries for personal protection as well as conduct toward others. When a boy's God-given boundaries are violated by abuse, this trauma can make the world become very confusing.

According to Child Molestation Prevention Institute, statistics show about 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. About 2 of every 10 girls and 1 of 10 boys with be sexually abused before their 14th birthday (regarding physical contact sexual abuse). It's imperative that we teach boys basic boundaries, how to have a voice and when to say no to questionable encounters.
In my Say "NO!" and TELL! Training Grown-ups in Boundaries and Personal Safety for Kids workbook, I teach FIVE important concepts of saying "NO!" for kids to learn:

1. Saying "NO!" is a boundary or limit to stay safe. Use a firm or important voice to say "NO" or your loudest voice and yell "NO!"

2. Your job is to TELL a trusted grown-up right away, no matter who is trying the unsafe touch. Keep telling until someone believes you.

3. Telling is not tattling. You will not get in trouble.

4. If this is happening to a friend, TELL a trusted grown-up and keep telling until in stops.

5. Always remember, it is never you fault!

Also, teaching boys to guard their eyes and ears from what you see and hear is vital - when someone shows a child pornography, that is a form of non-contact child sexual abuse, which is traumatizing.

When we teach boys to notice that "uh-oh" feeling that something is not right, they will build their instinct muscles. Boys need to understand healthy boundaries with kids and adults as well as recognize dangerous situations.

Here is Chris' story told by John from USIAHT...
The Reality: Boys Are Trafficked Too.
Just a few weeks ago, John Long, program director of our Florida Safe Home, drove to Jackson, Florida to pick up our new friend. When John arrived, our new friend ran out the door and into John’s arms.

Touched by his excitement, John greeted him and asked him to get into the backseat of the car. As he drove away, our new friend asked him a curious question – “Are you nice?”

It would be a strange question coming from any ten-year-old – but from *Chris, it was heartbreaking. You see, Chris is a ten-year-old victim of sex trafficking. His body had been sold to anonymous sex buyers before we connected with him and brought him to USIAHT’s safe home. His immediate willingness to trust us and the frankness of his question were, considering all that he had been through, miraculous.

Not all victims are so candid or so trusting. Many are kept in trafficking situations not just through physical abuse and restraint, but through manipulation and deceit. Because of this, they struggle to recognize the fact that they are victims. Traffickers guilt them into feeling responsible for their actions – when, in reality, these young men are no more than children who have been exploited by adults who should have cared for them.

The plight of these boys is often overlooked in the media, where the focus is usually on women and girls. At USIAHT, we are striving to change this narrative, looking at the ways in which anyone – regardless of gender identity, age, race or nationality – can become a victim of human trafficking. We also strive to meet the unique needs of boys as they recover and prepare to re-enter society.

We ask for your prayers in the coming months. Prayers to care for *Chris and the other survivors at our Florida Safe Home, but also prayers for strength and wisdom as we strive to put an end to sex trafficking in America once and for all.

Thank you for your prayers, your support and for caring about this issue.

Yours sincerely,
Geoff Rogers, CEO & Co-Founder, USIAHT
Kevin Malone, President & Co-Founder, USIAHT

*The name has been changed to protect the privacy and safety of the survivor. Also, the image is not him.

Here is Charles story told by Dawn from NCOSE...
This haunts me and I never want this to happen to another person.

When I was working at the Department of Justice, I met a young boy who I’ll call Charles.

He came from a broken family, suffered physical and sexual abuse in his home as a child and got no help from anyone. He didn’t even know how to ask for help or where to turn.

Then, one day “help” arrived. A man befriended him, gave him a place to stay, and a couple of meals a day.

Charles felt loved and secure for the first time in his life but it was all an illusion. Soon the man sexually abused him and forced him out onto the streets 12-15 hours a day selling his body. The man kept all of the money.

Not long after I met Charles, he died on the streets. I believe it was an overdose but I could not find out just what killed him. What a tragic life! He lived and died not knowing that anyone really cared for him.

This story haunts me, and I never want this to happen to another person.

At the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, we recognize that men and boys can also be victims of sexual abuse and exploitation in all of its forms. That’s why we launched an Out of the Shadows campaign to shed light on this underrepresented reality.

Thankful to serve with you in this movement,

Dawn Hawkins
Sr. Vice President & Executive Director
National Center on Sexual Exploitation

*The name has been changed to protect the privacy and safety of the survivor. Also, the image is not him.
Other eye-opening stories about male victims...
Disclaimer: Please be advised these articles outline details of sexual assault.

Accusations Against John Weaver a Reminder of the Sexual Exploitation Faced by Boys and Men 
(NCOSE full article here)
The accusations of sexual harassment—including allegations which appear to describe the grooming of a teenage boy—leveled against John Weaver, co-founder of The Lincoln Project, represent yet another tragic reminder of a reality which has long gone underreported even as far too many people have lived it: 1) sexual abuse and exploitation are perpetrated in all areas and walks of life and 2) men and boys are far from immune to being victimized by it...

Actor Terry Crews Highlights Male Abuse In Light of Harvey Weinstein Scandal 
(NCOSE full article here)
But recently, the topic of male exploitation received attention when Terry Crews contributed to the dialogue surrounding sexual assault in the entertainment industry tweeting about how he was groped by a separate prominent figure in Hollywood...

Professional Speaker Dr. Kevin Snyder Recounts a Sexual Assault Incident in College 
(Campus Speak full article here)
This is My story of sexual assault and why I waited so long to reveal it. I am a 42-year old man, and I was sexually assaulted by another man in the fall of 1999. This is the first time I’ve publicly revealed the details of my traumatic experience in writing. I don’t remember everything from that evening, but what I do remember, I wish I could forget...
Let's empower OUR BOYS with boundaries today!
When you buy, read and share this Say "NO!" and TELL! book for boys (with adventures by Daxton the Dolphin and Sammy the Seal), you can empower a boy with boundaries forever...and he will know how to defend human dignity and help end the demand.
By Kimberly Perry 13 Dec, 2023

How does body safety and choosing healthy foods with kids connect? Well, we can practice decision-making, wellness, self-care affirmative feedback and positive body image as it relates to food to name a few, which can lay the foundation for teaching body safety. Because, when we consider our personal nutrition and relationship with food, we connect to our bodies. Supporting children in growing healthy self- images with nutrition, as an example, teaches them self-care - they learn their hearts, minds and bodies are worth it!

Plus, I like to strengthen the WeStandGuard.com content with a variety of other supportive topics beyond body safety, yet so closely related such as self-care.

Check out guest blog by Anya Willis @  Fitkids.info

Nurture Your Children Toward Healthier Choices

Navigating the myriad of lifestyle choices in today's world can be overwhelming, particularly for children. Thus, it's crucial for parents to step in and guide their youngsters toward making healthier decisions. While it’s not always easy, there are several things you can do to make the process fun for your little ones. This article offers a comprehensive set of advice and resources that can assist parents in instilling healthy habits in their children. Let's get started.

Involving Kids in Decision-Making

Involving children in meal planning and grocery shopping can greatly enhance their interest in healthier eating. Giving them a voice in food choices fosters a sense of ownership and encourages them to be open to nutritional options. One effective method is to collaboratively create a shopping list, or you might allow them to help you cook dinner. Another strategy is to allow them to pick out a new fruit or vegetable each week as a way to diversify their palate. These practices not only make children more receptive to healthy foods but also provide valuable learning experiences.

Incorporate Nutritious Foods

Mealtime offers a prime opportunity to enrich a child's diet with nutritious ingredients. Innovative approaches, like blending vegetables into smoothies or adding them to homemade muffins, can make the transition to healthy eating more enjoyable. The goal is to seamlessly weave nutrition into familiar foods , making it less of a chore for children to eat healthily. This creative incorporation aids in acclimating children to better eating practices without compromising on taste.

Encourage Regular Physical Exercise

Physical activity is vital for a child’s overall well-being. Family walks can be a fun and practical way to instill the habit of regular exercise. Moreover, if your neighborhood isn't pedestrian-friendly, look for an area with a high Walk Score of 70 or above to get your daily steps in. Such areas are generally safer and more conducive to walking, making it easier for your family to maintain an active lifestyle.

Foster a Positive Body Image

Media exposure can strongly influence children's views on body image, frequently presenting unattainable standards. Initiating conversations with your children about these media portrayals can help debunk myths about ideal body types. The emphasis should shift from chasing unrealistic images to adopting a balanced, healthy lifestyle. This approach aids in cultivating a positive body image and a healthier self-perception in children.

Ignite Their Interests

Each child has distinct interests that can significantly impact their well-being when explored. Identifying an activity that aligns with your child's passions can imbue them with a sense of purpose. Participation in extracurricular activities, whether it's art, sports, or technology , can enhance their social skills and offer alternative avenues for physical or mental engagement. This focused involvement can be instrumental in promoting a balanced, fulfilling lifestyle for your child.

Utilize Affirmative Feedback

Positive feedback is crucial for children, as it often serves as motivation to continue making good choices. When coming from trusted adults, this affirmation can be especially impactful. Commending your child for making healthy choices, such as choosing fruit over candy or practicing a new skill, encourages better decision-making. This cycle of affirmation and improved behavior reinforces the importance of positive reinforcement in a child's development.

Guiding children to make healthier choices is a long-term commitment that demands both patience and resourcefulness. However, by utilizing the practical tips and methods outlined above, you’re well on your way to setting them up for a future of wellbeing. Foster their interest in nutrition, encourage physical activities, engage them in dialogues about body image, help them find activities they love, and use affirmation as a powerful motivational tool. This balanced approach will enable you to lead your children down the path to a fulfilling, healthy life.

Have a question for the team at We Stand Guard ? Reach out today.

By Kimberly Perry 22 Sep, 2023
What about the problem of sexting leading to sextortion leading to sex trafficking progression? Possibly, much to chagrin of many people recently watching the Sound of Freedom movie, these very real risks do not only happen overseas or far flung parts of the Earth. Sadly, the USA runs rampant with these atrocities, often leading the way in the consumption of it all.
By Kimberly Perry 05 Sep, 2023

What challenges or gaps are you facing as the kids are growing up, which brings change as they transition from childhood to tweeners and teenagers.

In addition to last month's blog on A Look at Self-Care Activities for Kids , here is an interesting look at your own self-care, especially during transitions with kids growing up. In fact, I visited my triplet nephews this past Labor Day weekend and my brother and I were cracking up since their PJ bottoms were like crop pants - they have grown taller as they begin middle school! Surprise!!!

As a follow up to last month, check out Anya Willis' Part 2 guest blog on self-care (see more at https://fitkids.info/ ).  

Life is a roller coaster of changes, from new jobs and relationships to relocations and even crises. As disorienting as these major life transitions can be, they also offer a unique opportunity to reboot your habits and improve your overall well-being. Today, we will provide you with strategies to embrace these transformations and convert life's challenges into stepping stones for a better you, 

Turning Anxiety into Calm

It's natural for stress levels to peak during transitions. However, these moments provide a chance to develop effective stress-management strategies. Start with acknowledging the stressors. Once you identify them, use mindfulness exercises, such as deep breathing or meditation, to mitigate their impact. Incorporating physical activity can also make a significant difference. Exercise releases endorphins, which naturally reduces stress. So, the next time you find yourself overwhelmed, remember to take a step back and focus on your well-being.

Go Back to School

Returning to school is one of the best ways to revitalize your life and open doors in terms of a future career. There are plenty of options out there, as well. For instance, if you’ve ever thought about pursuing an online bachelor's degree in nursing , now is the time. Online nurses are in high demand, and if you’re open to the flexibility that comes with internet-based learning platforms, you can work toward your degree on your own schedule, from the comfort of your own home.

From Concept to Logo

Major life transitions can also offer the ideal moment to venture into entrepreneurship. Begin with research. Understand your target market, potential challenges, and financial requirements. Once you have a comprehensive plan, move to the execution phase. When it comes to establishing a brand identity , create a memorable image using free online logo makers. These platforms offer an array of customizable designs to give your business a professional edge, and a well-designed logo can do wonders for brand recognition.

Fostering Consistency

Adjusting to a new chapter in life often requires a revamped routine. Consistency is the cornerstone of habit formation , and the best way to ensure this is by designing a daily routine that aligns with your newfound goals. This can be anything from a workout schedule to set times for personal and professional growth. Not only does this help in maintaining a balanced life, but it also solidifies the positive changes you aim to make.

Legal and Financial Control through an LLC

If you opt for the entrepreneurial route, forming an LLC ( limited liability company ) is crucial. This legal structure provides personal liability protection and offers several tax benefits. It signifies a critical step towards becoming your own boss, putting you in control of your business and, by extension, your destiny. Consider consulting professionals to help you navigate the complexities of forming an LLC.

Balance Your Caffeine Intake

For many, caffeine is a daily necessity. However, it's easy to go overboard, especially during stressful periods. If you must drink caffeine, take the time to learn more about the different coffee drinks available. Whether it's opting for a lighter roast or mixing in decaf, these choices can help you maintain energy levels without sacrificing sleep quality.

Improve Your Social Circle

Relationships play a crucial role during transitional phases. This is an ideal time to assess your social circle and make necessary adjustments. If certain relationships are toxic, it’s time to distance yourself. Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive individuals can significantly boost your emotional and psychological well-being.

Repair Your Credit

Transitions often have financial implications. Use this time to review your credit report and take steps to fix any inconsistencies or debts. By managing your finances effectively, you lessen stress and lay the foundation for a stable future.

Goals with a Purpose: Mapping Your Journey

Setting clearly defined goals that resonate with your core values is fundamental. They act as a roadmap, guiding you through challenges and keeping you centered. A detailed, step-by-step plan can greatly assist in achieving these goals, and the focus it brings can be an invaluable asset.

The experience of undergoing a significant life transition can be exhilarating, daunting, and enriching all at once. Embracing these transitional phases with purposeful strategies can redefine challenges as opportunities for personal and professional growth. By applying the practices highlighted in this article, you're poised to emerge stronger, more empowered, and ready to seize future opportunities with aplomb.

By Kimberly Perry 18 Aug, 2023
Self-care for everyone!
By Kimberly Perry 22 Jul, 2023
Healthy tech habits for everyone!
By Kimberly Perry 26 May, 2023
What ages are kids being exposed to porn? When to start talking about porn with kids. How to define porn for kids and why definitions are important. Practicing what to do (firedrill technique) How do we get their "buy in? How do we get kids to want to make the right choices? Healthy Screen Habit
By Kimberly Perry 09 May, 2023
Preventing child trafficking is possible.
By Kimberly Perry 17 Mar, 2023
Learn to spot a child groomer and how to protect children.
By Kimberly Perry 01 Dec, 2022
It looks like my November 2022 article titled Some Call it Child P*rnography (rather than CSAM) foreshadowed things to come, unfortunately, per current news about Balenciaga's outrageously wicked "photoshoots" of very young children with BDSM accessories plush bears.
By Kimberly Perry 04 Nov, 2022
Kids cannot consent!

This month is NO PORN NOVEMBER. When you hear reports of pornography's abuse, the law and media may use various terminology to describe the victim of "child pornography" mixed up in prostitution by naming a "young lady" rather than accurately reflecting the actual age by saying a girl, child or minor.

However, there is no such thing as “child pornography” which seems to imply consent - children/minors cannot give consent! Images with any visual depiction of sexually explicit conduct involving a minor (a person less than 18 years old) is specifically called child sexual abuse material or CSAM according to experts in the field.

Nevertheless, pornography of any aged person is sexual exploitation for allsince very often, the acts are real abuse of the women (including children, teens and men) and other “performers” because the industry preys on the vulnerable and eviscerates human dignity.It's a predatory industry since they know pornography can be like a drug with an addictive nature (feels like you cannot stop even if you want to), which changes and harms the brain for buyers and consumers. 

Did you know that 27% of older millennials say they started viewing porn before puberty ( Josh McDowell, The Porn Phenomenon )? In fact, exposing or showing pornography to a child/minor is an example of non-physical contact child sexual abuse, in which abusers may use for grooming kids and teens to normalize abuse. It is not a matter of if but when a child will most likely see pornography and be traumatized (some say average age is 8 yrs). Also, pornographic images of vulnerable men, women, teens and children through coercion or exchange of sexual acts for goods and services is known as sex trafficking.

Furthermore, according to The National Center on Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) , the CyberTipline has received over 82 million reports, reviewed over 322 million images/videos and identified over 19,000 victims of CSAM   - how can this be?! NCMEC says:

"United States federal law defines child pornography as any visual depiction of sexually explicit conduct involving a minor (a person less than 18 years old). Outside of the legal system, NCMEC chooses to refer to these images as Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM) to most accurately reflect what is depicted – the sexual abuse and exploitation of children. Not only do these images and videos document victims’ exploitation and abuse, but when these files are shared across the internet, child victims suffer re-victimization each time the image of their sexual abuse is viewed."

How is it usually detected?

The usual way to detect CSAM is when cloud services like Google Photos scan uploaded photos and compare them against a database of known CSAM images. This database is provided by NCMEC and similar organizations around the world. The actual matching process uses what’s known as a hash, or digital fingerprint. This is derived from key elements of the image, and is deliberately fuzzy so that it will continue to work when images are resized, cropped, or otherwise processed.  So, with this process in place,   why is CSAM still happening all over the Internet?

What else are tech companies doing to stop this atrocity on line?

What can we do to dismantle this multi-billion dollar global industry? 
An article  published by business news site, Quartz, tends to agree. The article places the industry’s value at anywhere between $6 billion and $97 billion, with the more realistic estimates ranging from $6 billion to $15 billion (Fight the New Drug blog).

Who are the buyers and consumers of CSAM?

How can you be a voice to free an enslaved child?
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